Acceptance?

[Hosscat]

I guess not.... I suppose I'm just scared that will be the outcome.

[O Neg]

I don't believe it is impossible to believe that OCD thoughts are completely untrue. OCD works on doubt. But there is one thing which cannot be doubted, and that is that OCD always lies. It always does. If you want certainty, this is certainty, OCD will lie 100% of the time.

[PolarBear]

There will come a time when to know everything is real, you will need to give voice that everything is fake.

Sounds strange, doesn't it? I spent the better part of 35 years trying to figure out if I was a pedophile. I was quite certain I was, yet I ruminated and checked constantly. I started CBT. Did loads of work. OCD didn't lose its grip until, 3 or 4 times a day for months, I told myself I was a pedophile. It went further than that but that's the essence.

Right now just coming to the conclusion that what you have been doing, for months or years is not working is a big step.

[Hosscat]

Did you have to like, accept the possibility? I'm not sure I'm able to do that. When I feel like I'm trying, it's just like saying it's true, feels like anyway.

2 hours ago, PolarBear said:

There will come a time when to know everything is real, you will need to give voice that everything is fake.

What do you mean?

[Hosscat]

Do you mean like... if I stop fighting it, and expose myself to the thoughts by just agreeing.... that what I feel deep inside will eventually prevail in the end?

[PolarBear]

Yes. But that's many steps down the road.

[Hosscat]

Ok. I hope so. I hope this hasn't changed what I truly believe. It feels like it at times....

[Hosscat]

Well, I found an ocd specialist that will see me early January. As good as this is it's like it's put my fears into overdrive ><

I get thoughts like, I've made this forum and the guidance in my mind to help me feel better and stuff. I feel crazy having these pop in, like, why would that pop in unless I believed these thoughts.

 

 

 

[Andrea]

17 minutes ago, Hosscat said:

I get thoughts like, I've made this forum and the guidance in my mind to help me feel better and stuff. I feel crazy having these pop in, like, why would that pop in unless I believed these thoughts

Hi Hosscat ,

OCD is a big fat liar. Don't feel crazy for having these pop in. It is just your OCD making you feel bad about it. That is how OCD works. It is your OCD that is making you doubt about what you believe or not. Your OCD is creating all these pop in. Don't listen to your OCD.

[Hosscat]

So everyone with OCD gets all these weird things like that? It's like instead of seeing why this is false my brain is popping in work arounds to how it could be true!

[PolarBear]

14 hours ago, Hosscat said:

Well, I found an ocd specialist that will see me early January. As good as this is it's like it's put my fears into overdrive ><

I get thoughts like, I've made this forum and the guidance in my mind to help me feel better and stuff. I feel crazy having these pop in, like, why would that pop in unless I believed these thoughts.

 

 

 

Because you have OCD. No other explanation is needed.

[Hosscat]

Do I have to accept the possibility my thoughts are true to get better? It just hurts so much... im afraid I wont ever feel like I have my family back. I feel like im grieving for everybody.

[Hosscat]

I'm sorry, ignore that. I'm just struggling so much right now. I feel like my mind is going too fast to get a handle on and I'm crying constantly.

[humbleno1]

I think we care too much, most people are pretty callous - it certainly didnt serve me to care so much, infact it made my actions worse or at least the consequences of them, I really sometimes am in true awe of the hurrendousness of this disorder and how it robs us of so much joy in our lives. dont let it rob u of urs.

[Hosscat]

I can't stop the panic though. This is like the very beginning when this first started. I never would of thought a relapse would feel like hitting rock bottom...

[humbleno1]

4 minutes ago, Hosscat said:

I can't stop the panic though. This is like the very beginning when this first started. I never would of thought a relapse would feel like hitting rock bottom...

panic and fear has to be faced the only way over it is through it, i kno it may seem cliche, but overcoming fear is not the absence of fear, its all a trick to keep  u trapped.

[Closed for repairs]

Found this while looking something else up,

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

Confucius

Im not a great one for inspirational quotes but thought this was a good one.

[Hosscat]

What kept those of you going, when it felt it would never end?

I wish I was dead... I'd go to the ER but they can't help me....

[PolarBear]

You're doing this to yourself. You post here often and I know you post only after periods of ruminating, going over it all in your head. Sitting there trying to figure out how long this will last is a compulsion. It's keeping you stuck.

[Hosscat]

Attempting to buckle down. Had one day where everytime this popped in it felt so wrong. That was a nice day, and gave me a little bit of hope.

Of course its back to how it was, but I looked up some mental compulsions to see what all I was doing, recognized quite a few, and am trying my hardest not to do them!

[Hosscat]

Is it typical when you stop doing compulsions the thoughts start to feel a little silly?

Just wondering if I'm getting my hopes up. Someone told me once (several years ago when I had this) there is never a 'realisation' that it's just anxious thinking. 

[PolarBear]

You are over thinking this. Get on with your day.

[Hosscat]

Sorry.... Was just getting hopeful that maybe it meant I was doing something right finally.

[PolarBear]

Hard to tell at this early stage. If your anxiety is trending down, it's a good thing. Just remember that recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. It takes time.

[Hosscat]

I've been telling myself that when things get overwhelming feeling. Did you ever think you were better at one point then relapse hard? It's weird how I went so long being so much better to suddenly plop back down the rabbit hole.