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Tips for suffering ocd daily?


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On 25/12/2019 at 01:09, dksea said:

It did for me.  It has done so for millions of people.  I can't peer in to the future and prove to you that it will give you everything in life you want, but I do know based on personal experience and decades of scientific study that its your best option by far.
 

Recovery from OCD is not a quick process.  You don't tackle a fear one day and get over it the next.  You do the work of CBT over and over and over again.  You fight back against the intrusive thoughts again and again and again until they barely bother you if they do at all.  You fight it one day, it comes back a few days later, you fight it again. Its not a constant upward trend, there are peaks and valleys in recovery.  CBT works, not necessarily on the schedule you'd prefer, but it does work IF you commit to it.

I want to travel to New York or China or Dubai as I like skyscrapers and big cities but I fear I can’t do it due to long journeys or flying it’s a bit of a barrier for me? Do I have to travel the world or do I accept I am more a homebody who prefers his own home?

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I’ve had a difficult start to the year lots of ocd about dirty laundry bins and door handles becoming off limits. It’s become common for me to not want to touch handles, gates, car doors ect which is annoying as this has been a recent issue. My ocd wasn’t affected in this way before but now touching stuff is difficult. Also at work I often wash my hands 3/4 times per shift. 

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One of the neighbours seemingly out my wheelie bin out I am annoyed at this as my partner was going shopping and I never wanted it left outside. The ocd is telling me it was my partners mum and she touched and contaminated the house but from what I heard she was never in the house only outside. This is the ocd train I go on I can’t be sure. Sure if I can’t confirm something or don’t see something it’s some what easier but it makes me feel uneasy knowing the bin was touched and we have no idea who it was I can’t really chap all the neighbours doors to check?

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Hello Phil, the unease is all a part of the OCD and you must use all of your strength to try and cope and live with how you are feeling right now.

 

The unease won't last forever, but the OCD will if you give in and try to find out who moved the bin. Is there anything you can do at the moment to distract yourself?

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1 hour ago, TheLostGirl said:

Hello Phil, the unease is all a part of the OCD and you must use all of your strength to try and cope and live with how you are feeling right now.

 

The unease won't last forever, but the OCD will if you give in and try to find out who moved the bin. Is there anything you can do at the moment to distract yourself?

Yes I mean the biggest issue with my ocd is believing something is forever contaminated. Course on this occasion I don’t want to chap doors to check who moved the bin that’s a bit extreme. My reason for worrying as it had a toilet plunger in the bucket I worry about the toilet germs content. My ocd uses it as an excuse to worry they spread the germs all over my house on every surface course this is highly unlikely but that uncertainty makes me uneasy. 
 

I am trying to book a holiday so that’s my distraction. I am trying not to get too worked up about it I was very angry earlier but I have calmed but I am trying not to go into over drive about who done it. Yes I worry about the contents it’s easy for the ocd to go into overdrive just to figure out who touched it. My partner said her mum never touched it I feel bad for not believing her but I find it hard..the ocd doubt. If it was a random neighbour I guess on the content it doesn’t really matter too much I am just worried someone has plastered germs over the house and door handles sounds trivial but that’s what my head says? 

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2 minutes ago, Phil19 said:

Yes I mean the biggest issue with my ocd is believing something is forever contaminated. Course on this occasion I don’t want to chap doors to check who moved the bin that’s a bit extreme. My reason for worrying as it had a toilet plunger in the bucket I worry about the toilet germs content. My ocd uses it as an excuse to worry they spread the germs all over my house on every surface course this is highly unlikely but that uncertainty makes me uneasy. 
 

I am trying to book a holiday so that’s my distraction. I am trying not to get too worked up about it I was very angry earlier but I have calmed but I am trying not to go into over drive about who done it. Yes I worry about the contents it’s easy for the ocd to go into overdrive just to figure out who touched it. My partner said her mum never touched it I feel bad for not believing her but I find it hard..the ocd doubt. If it was a random neighbour I guess on the content it doesn’t really matter too much I am just worried someone has plastered germs over the house and door handles sounds trivial but that’s what my head says? 

I understand. It makes sense for you to worry about toilet contamination if you suffer with contamination OCD. I have and still do and I know it feels like everything is dirty and disgusting and dangerous and always will be but that is not the case.

 

Well done for trying to not go into deeper thought about who may have touched it. It will get easier and easier each time you force yourself not to ruminate and check.

 

Where are you going on holiday to?

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15 minutes ago, TheLostGirl said:

I understand. It makes sense for you to worry about toilet contamination if you suffer with contamination OCD. I have and still do and I know it feels like everything is dirty and disgusting and dangerous and always will be but that is not the case.

 

Well done for trying to not go into deeper thought about who may have touched it. It will get easier and easier each time you force yourself not to ruminate and check.

 

Where are you going on holiday to?

Thanks I have not decided yet as I am worried about flying so may have to take the train again sadly I am struggling to confront all my fears. I did manage to switch jobs and do the subway last year though. 

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Just now, Phil19 said:

Thanks I have not decided yet as I am worried about flying so may have to take the train again sadly I am struggling to confront all my fears. I did manage to switch jobs and do the subway last year though. 

I hope you have a wonderful time, wherever you do settle on going.

 

I can relate to worrying about flying and struggling to confront fears. You are not alone. Are you or were you afraid of using the subway? Is that a fear you were able to overcome? If so you should be very proud.

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Just now, TheLostGirl said:

I hope you have a wonderful time, wherever you do settle on going.

 

I can relate to worrying about flying and struggling to confront fears. You are not alone. Are you or were you afraid of using the subway? Is that a fear you were able to overcome? If so you should be very proud.

Yes I over came it but the issue is i either fly or use the subway and a few months or year later worry again and avoid it. I am going to ask about more CBT when I go back to the doctor I had to pay £300 for sessions and feel I should get some help without having to go private. 
 

I never felt very accomplished when I did the subway but if I fly I do. Everything has to feel “just right” it’s the booking part I have issues with that causes most of my anxiety. I feel I have been battling the same issues off the past few years.

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Your worry is that the fear will recur? I know that's common of phobias - I suppose the ideal situation is to nip it in the bud if you feel it creeping back to you. I think you should be proud of overcoming any fear.

 

I hope your doctor is able to help you. The fact that your approach is to look into more CBT instead of giving into the fear is something to be proud of in itself.

 

You know what I'm going to say about things being just right! It's the OCD that causes us to feel uncomfortable, in reality there is nothing wrong. Only by the OCD's standards. The OCD is the only thing that isn't right. If you are feeling particularly stressed, even being able to live with one element of the booking not being just right is progress.

 

 

 

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On 03/01/2020 at 05:45, Phil19 said:

I want to travel to New York or China or Dubai as I like skyscrapers and big cities but I fear I can’t do it due to long journeys or flying it’s a bit of a barrier for me? Do I have to travel the world or do I accept I am more a homebody who prefers his own home?

You have to decide what is most important to you and then work towards making that goal happen.  If you want to visit New York, China, and/or Dubai then you need to do the work to make that happen.  Or you can choose to stay at home.  But staying home won't free you from OCD.  Many of us with OCD travel around the world, and live in foreign countries.  Its far from impossible.  But you are almost certainly not going to just wake up one morning and be "ok" to travel thousands of miles. You have to do the work to go from where you are at point A, all the way to point Z where you can fly somewhere far away.  Lots of intermediate steps to get there along the way.
 

On 03/01/2020 at 20:33, Phil19 said:

I’ve had a difficult start to the year lots of ocd about dirty laundry bins and door handles becoming off limits. It’s become common for me to not want to touch handles, gates, car doors ect which is annoying as this has been a recent issue. My ocd wasn’t affected in this way before but now touching stuff is difficult.

The more you give in to OCD and its demands, the more likely it is the effects will grow and you'll have more problems and more limitations.  If you don't want this sort of thing to keep happening you need to make the choice and do the work.  You need to touch handles or gates or car doors even when your OCD tells you not to.  Thats not optional, its necessary.

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My partners birthday is dividing opinion. A year ago I was going to get a footballer for my stag night but bailed last minute. Now I want for a birthday and it’s dividing opinion. I have some live singers on and it was on my bucket list to meet a ex footballer . Should I go ahead?

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Back to the bin issue I never heard the the bin being moved when her mum came over nor did I hear her in the house and I opened the door when she arrived back home yet my ocd says “her mum touched the bin and smeared germs all over the house” I just can’t accept it was the neighbour this is due to the ocd. I have no proof it was her mum but my ocd says otherwise?

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2 minutes ago, Phil19 said:

Back to the bin issue I never heard the the bin being moved when her mum came over nor did I hear her in the house and I opened the door when she arrived back home yet my ocd says “her mum touched the bin and smeared germs all over the house” I just can’t accept it was the neighbour this is due to the ocd. I have no proof it was her mum but my ocd says otherwise?

We all know OCD can't be trusted. Try not to look for proof either way because even if someone could prove it - you would still worry or the worry would shift onto something else. Try to sit with the unease you're feeling at the moment.

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7 hours ago, Phil19 said:

Back to the bin issue I never heard the the bin being moved when her mum came over nor did I hear her in the house and I opened the door when she arrived back home yet my ocd says “her mum touched the bin and smeared germs all over the house” I just can’t accept it was the neighbour this is due to the ocd. I have no proof it was her mum but my ocd says otherwise?

It does not matter who touched the bin or who moved the bin or if they touched anything in the house.  
Unless and until you stop trying to "figure it out" when it comes to these thoughts you will keep suffering.
So what if her mum touched the bin?  So what if she touched something else in your house afterwards?  
What do you think will really happen if both of those are true?  Obviously you'll get thoughts about things being "contaminated" and those thoughts make you very uncomfortable.
If you want to keep following all these complicated rules that your mind is making up, you can do that, but you'll keep suffering if you do.
Literally billions of people go through life without a care in the world if someone touched a bin.  Its unfortunate that because of OCD you can't do so as easily, but that doesn't mean you can't do it too.  It may be a bit harder for you, but if you want to do it, you can.  Act like the people who don't care.  Behave the same way they do. In time you won't care either.  Will you feel anxiety at first? Absolutely.  But you already feel anxiety anyway AND it means you can't do things you otherwise want to do.
Touch the bin.  Thats the answer.  Touch the bin and do nothing in response.

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30 minutes ago, dksea said:

It does not matter who touched the bin or who moved the bin or if they touched anything in the house.  
Unless and until you stop trying to "figure it out" when it comes to these thoughts you will keep suffering.
So what if her mum touched the bin?  So what if she touched something else in your house afterwards?  
What do you think will really happen if both of those are true?  Obviously you'll get thoughts about things being "contaminated" and those thoughts make you very uncomfortable.
If you want to keep following all these complicated rules that your mind is making up, you can do that, but you'll keep suffering if you do.
Literally billions of people go through life without a care in the world if someone touched a bin.  Its unfortunate that because of OCD you can't do so as easily, but that doesn't mean you can't do it too.  It may be a bit harder for you, but if you want to do it, you can.  Act like the people who don't care.  Behave the same way they do. In time you won't care either.  Will you feel anxiety at first? Absolutely.  But you already feel anxiety anyway AND it means you can't do things you otherwise want to do.
Touch the bin.  Thats the answer.  Touch the bin and do nothing in response.

Yes I understand people touch bins and are fine I don’t dispute this. Some people do though. I find the beat way to help my ocd is to use anxiety methods like challenge the probability. I’m sure this is cbt too I can see how rare it is she touched everything or it was even her. But I can’t rule anything out. Perhaps it’s good I don’t know for sure that way I don’t feel that urge to dispose of everything? 

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14 minutes ago, Phil19 said:

I find the beat way to help my ocd is to use anxiety methods like challenge the probability. I’m sure this is cbt too I can see how rare it is she touched everything or it was even her. But I can’t rule anything out. Perhaps it’s good I don’t know for sure that way I don’t feel that urge to dispose of everything? 

You can start with probability to try and convince yourself to keep doing things inspire of your worries yes, but using probability to say "well mum PROBABLY didn't touch the bin, therefore its ok" is a form of reassurance compulsion.  If it helps you move forward in the short term, ok, it has a place, but at some point you need to take it to the next step "well maybe she did touch the bin, but it PROBABLY doesn't matter."
The problem isn't whether or not she touched the bin.  The problem is whether or not you recognize how unimportant that question is.

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On 05/01/2020 at 19:06, Guest said:

We all know OCD can't be trusted. Try not to look for proof either way because even if someone could prove it - you would still worry or the worry would shift onto something else. Try to sit with the unease you're feeling at the moment.

Sadly I have been suffering with this for days. I kept quizzing my partner and her mum text me to say she never put bucket out. I still don’t believe her so I asked her to check with the neighbour. I’ve not checked yet but I said if I don’t get clarification I won’t want her mum visiting or I don’t want to touch her parents car door handles as I seen them open then when I got home. It seems drastic but this is where I am. I have beat myself up and said if only I let my partner put the bucket out I would know it was her. By being ocd about it avoiding putting the bucket out as I worried it would touch the car or the shopping it’s made it worse. Sure the neighbour may have put it out but I don’t really believe that right now.

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On 06/01/2020 at 03:15, dksea said:

You can start with probability to try and convince yourself to keep doing things inspire of your worries yes, but using probability to say "well mum PROBABLY didn't touch the bin, therefore its ok" is a form of reassurance compulsion.  If it helps you move forward in the short term, ok, it has a place, but at some point you need to take it to the next step "well maybe she did touch the bin, but it PROBABLY doesn't matter."
The problem isn't whether or not she touched the bin.  The problem is whether or not you recognize how unimportant that question is.

Well listen you may remember a few months back I worried about dirty laundry and some hit my shoes I threw them away and that’s how bad it got. The other night a £20 note landed on dirty laundry and I put a pen mark on it and let my partner touch it but rather than worry about every note in circulation I never let it trouble me. Sure touching dirty washing causes me some anxiety but if I brush it lightly or it lands somewhere I no longer worry. So I get what you are saying perhaps in the future bin germs won’t worry me. Let me be clear had it been any other bin I would worry 50% less. What the issue is the plunger I treat this like radiation. Sure it’s plastic, it’s maybe had toilet water and thats all. But my ocd makes a bigger deal out of it. At my old work they had plungers too and I use to worry about the them. To somebody else that piece of plastic means nothing? The ground isn’t contaminated nor is bucket? 

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3 hours ago, Phil19 said:

What the issue is the plunger I treat this like radiation.

No, the issue is not the plunger, the issue is continuing to treat the plunger like radiation.  I get it, I get that you feel anxiety where most other people wouldn't.  That part isn't your fault, none of us ASK for OCD.  But you aren't powerless against OCD either, you can choose to do things in spite of OCD AND in fact the evidence shows that if you do the right things in spite of OCD, it alleviates some/most of the problems OCD creates.  You (and many sufferers) talk about what OCD MAKES you do, but thats not entirely accurate, we still have choice.  OCD might make those choices harder than for the average person, but we can still make that choice.

I was born with asthma, it makes exercising generally harder for me than for the average person.  But, it turns out, if I do exercise, it can in the long run make my asthma less of a problem.  I could avoid exercise and in some ways limit the immediate problem, but in the long run, not exercising makes my situation worse because my lungs become weaker, not stronger, and as a result my asthma will affect me more and more.  Its very much like OCD.  Yes, it creates an initial higher barrier to entry than other people might have, but it doesn't make it impossible AND doing the right thing actually makes things easier.
 

3 hours ago, Phil19 said:

To somebody else that piece of plastic means nothing? The ground isn’t contaminated nor is bucket? 

More or less, yes.  People aren't rushing out to cuddle with used toilet plungers, but they don't think its the end of the world like you do.  And no, the ground isn't 'contaminated' like you believe.

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My ocd has been quite bad daily most of this year so far everything still relates to the bins? I worried as I dropped my key on the ground, I worried as my partner put rubbish off the wood floor she did seemingly wash her hands before going back for the rest. And some rubbish blew in the garden and I worried who touched it? Also I worried if she never washed her hands before going to the tumble dryer. All these are a daily battle.

I have worried much less about dirty laundry I have since purchased a small wash basket to keep it tidy I couldn’t have one before due to worrying I could skim by it. At one point I was throwing shoes away which touched dirty laundry. 

So what I’m saying I don’t know how I got over worrying less about that. Perhaps bins will trouble me less in the future too? It certainly helps to hear other people’s view point on it because they worry less I worry less. 

So yes I feel I have made some progress with regards dirty laundry but not so much with bins. If anything my bin ocd is worse I can’t even touch a bin outside to put rubbish in without wanting to wash my hands these days. Other areas of progress are at work the toilets broke down which meant I couldn’t wash my hands if the box had a dirty mark or there is a poo emoji product so now I have to wash them less or only in staff toilets. So some of the changes are forced but I have managed.

Im still reluctant to pay for more Cbt right now and also I have been reluctant to fly anywhere and have so far been keen to stick to the train. I have also held back on driving and doing anymore college due but this may not all be ocd perhaps some general anxiety. 

So yes on one hand progress on the other hand I feel the bins worry is talking over for example I have forgot some of the ocds like the key and other worries like who put the bin are on my kind every day. So I feel a bit frustrated that there is progress on some areas but not in other ones? Also the washing worry eased just by discussing it I never had to do cbt methods. Perhaps the bin worry may just ease away?

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1 hour ago, Phil19 said:

So yes I feel I have made some progress with regards dirty laundry but not so much with bins. If anything my bin ocd is worse

You have a finite amount of time and energy, as one worry becomes overwhelming and you spend more time/energy on that, yes you spend less time worrying about other things, but that doesn't mean the problem is gone, just masked by a larger problem.  
 

1 hour ago, Phil19 said:

So some of the changes are forced but I have managed.

So you see that cutting out compulsions can help.  Imagine how much more progress you could make if you intentionally followed through with it and actively tried to cut out compulsions by doing CBT/ERP work rather than just wait for it to be forced by circumstances?
 

1 hour ago, Phil19 said:

Also the washing worry eased just by discussing it I never had to do cbt methods. Perhaps the bin worry may just ease away?

You can certainly try the wait and see approach, but then,  you've been doing that for how long now?  You say yourself that the bin worry is worse than before, not better.  How long are you willing to wait and continue to suffer for some possible miracle to occur?  Why not take steps to actively deal with the situation?

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I have been unsure if I should go back for more Cbt. It’s £40 a session and I worry about the cost but I have found things a struggle. I am reluctant to try a new therapist as that means telling my story over again. The issue is the ocd makes me feel very anxious and run down and I feel I need to talk about it?

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