Tips for suffering ocd daily?

[dksea]

On 23/01/2020 at 05:57, Phil19 said:

The issue is the ocd makes me feel very anxious and run down and I feel I need to talk about it?

Simply talking about OCD will not change anything.  Recovery from OCD requires making choices and following through on them.
 

On 23/01/2020 at 05:57, Phil19 said:

I have been unsure if I should go back for more Cbt. It’s £40 a session and I worry about the cost but I have found things a struggle. I am reluctant to try a new therapist as that means telling my story over again.

In order for CBT to make a difference, in order to recover from OCD you have to be willing to do the work and then actually do it.  Not all at once, no one expects you to change your long term habits over night, but you do need to make a conscious and regular effort to change them.  It will be hard, particularly at first, but you will see results in time. It definitely seems scary because the unknown often is, we can become comfortable with bad situations because we are used to them, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't do scary things to get better, we definitely should.

If you are unwilling to do the work that CBT requires, spending more money on it is probably a waste.  But perhaps a new therapist will connect with you and help motivate you in a way that we can't seem to.  Ultimately though it will be up to you, not even the best therapist in the world can help you if you are not willing to do the work.

As for telling your story again, what's worse, doing that or continuing to suffer endlessly?

[Phil19]

I managed to get some NHS CBT. It’s a six month to year wait but atleast I won’t have to worry about cost. If it only helps 10% it won’t matter I won’t feel guilty about the cost?

[Phil19]

I’ve had more issues with wheelie bins. We have had very high winds and one blew into my garden yesterday and today mine blew over again and somebody brought it into the front garden right at my door now I am worried about the garden. I was already worried about the ground being dirty where in bins were on the street as mentioned before but I always thought the garden was a safe haven and nobody would bring the bin in the garden. Sadly not now my urges to move house are coming back?

[PolarBear]

You just posted your latest obsession, which you've done dozens upon dozens of times. Are you looking for reassurance that everything is okay? Hopefully no one gives that, as it is interacting with your OCD.

Are you wanting to know what you should do? You'll get the same answer you've gotten any times: do nothing and get on with your day.

Edited January 30, 2020 by PolarBear

[Phil19]

57 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

You just posted your latest obsession, which you've done dozens upon dozens of times. Are you looking for reassurance that everything is okay? Hopefully no one gives that, as it is interacting with your OCD.

Are you wanting to know what you should do? You'll get the same answer you've gotten any times: do nothing and get on with your day.

Yes but you have to understand how it affects my behavior? If I get some work done to the house:

New windows, Clean windows, Paint windows a DIY service man puts his tool box on the ground = stress. 
 

Before I never had this worry. If they put on the ground the windows are contaminated the window pole the paint the whole lot. Sure I don’t need to get work done every year but if I do? 
 

You can tell me it’s fine it’s not contaminated I understand for the life of a non ocd suffer to move a bin into a front garden is no worry. The problem i start the blame game I told my partner I never wanted the wheelie bin out due to high winds. The lid has actually broken and we now need to order a new bin so I ask was it worth it?

What I am say is I have had therapy and I am on a waiting list for more now but my worry is no matter what anybody says nobody is gonna make me think that garden is clean? Sure it rains water goes on the ground but for me it’s “forever contaminated “ that’s how it feels. When I go down this path it’s hard for anybody to convince me otherwise I have had that “forever” issue for a number of years. Once I think something is ruined or spoiled I can’t shake it off? So the ocd would limit any work getting done in the house now that’s what my behavior would be?

[PolarBear]

First, moving is not a solution. The new house would have a bin and at some point would become contaminated and off you would go again.

Second, I guarantee the reason you believe things are contaminated forever, and that thought and feeling stays with you, is because you do compulsions. Lots and lots of compulsions.

We've talked about this before. The more compulsions you do, the worse your OCD gets. 

One of your big compulsions is avoidance. When you irrationally believe something or some place is contaminated, you avoid that thing like the plague. Every time you go out of your way to avoid that thing or place, you reinforce in your mind that it is still contaminated. Even though it never was.

Does that make sense? Because that's what is going on in your mind. You think you do these behaviors to protect yourself but in actuality you are hurting yourself.

[Phil19]

16 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

First, moving is not a solution. The new house would have a bin and at some point would become contaminated and off you would go again.

Second, I guarantee the reason you believe things are contaminated forever, and that thought and feeling stays with you, is because you do compulsions. Lots and lots of compulsions.

We've talked about this before. The more compulsions you do, the worse your OCD gets. 

One of your big compulsions is avoidance. When you irrationally believe something or some place is contaminated, you avoid that thing like the plague. Every time you go out of your way to avoid that thing or place, you reinforce in your mind that it is still contaminated. Even though it never was.

Does that make sense? Because that's what is going on in your mind. You think you do these behaviors to protect yourself but in actuality you are hurting yourself.

Thanks yes that makes sense. If you ask me why I would put a massive sheet down to avoid anybody touching the ground I would say to keep me safe and keep things clean. I am sure you would say touch the ground and something else I have tried that and I then worry about that item so can’t win. I can see perhaps I need to give it a bit longer I admit that. When somebody says touch a “contaminated” area I expect to not worry and some how it will work and I will feel fine but I instead get the anxiety and question why I even touched it. Is it possible to fix my way of thinking? I can accept it won’t happen overnight but if one day I can deal with it better it’s a win right?

[PolarBear]

Yes, you can Phil. 

Let me be honest. One or two or a dozen exposures isn't going to work. You have to pick one thing, expose yourself to it repeatedly (at least once a day), without doing compulsions, until you no longer get a rise in your anxiety. This has to be done in a heirarchy and preferably under the supervision of a therapist who knows what they are doing. 

[Phil19]

28 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Yes, you can Phil. 

Let me be honest. One or two or a dozen exposures isn't going to work. You have to pick one thing, expose yourself to it repeatedly (at least once a day), without doing compulsions, until you no longer get a rise in your anxiety. This has to be done in a heirarchy and preferably under the supervision of a therapist who knows what they are doing. 

Thanks yes well I am on the waiting list for more Cbt so maybe I am stuck with this in the short term until I get more help?

[dksea]

6 hours ago, Phil19 said:

When somebody says touch a “contaminated” area I expect to not worry and some how it will work and I will feel fine but I instead get the anxiety and question why I even touched it. Is it possible to fix my way of thinking? I can accept it won’t happen overnight but if one day I can deal with it better it’s a win right?

Its possible to fix your way of thinking, but you have to start by changing your expectations.  Getting the anxiety when you touch a "contaminated" area is to be expected.  If that didn't happy you wouldn't have a problem.  The goal with touching these areas IS to experience the anxiety, and ride it out.  Then you touch it again, feel some anxiety, and ride it out, eventually your brain will realize that touching this "contaiminatd area is not worth the anxiety, it just won't care anymore.  But in the beginning and for awhile you ARE going to experience anxiety, thats the point.

 

[Phil19]

The bin got broken in the wind so we had to request a new one anyway which is even more insulting to me as I never wanted it out in the first place with the weather!

[Phil19]

I would also like to discuss my toilets at work. I was washing my hands in customer toilets at work few times a shift until Christmas. The toilets then became “out of service” so I had to tell customers they can’t go to the toilet. A few weeks ago I seen the manager let somebody into the toilet it now has a pin code I don’t remember if it did before. If it did my question is can you keep a door unlocked that has a pin code? Or have they fitted one? Anyway the out of service sign was still up yet somebody went in. My work usually sells plungers but they have been sold out for weeks so nobody could have fixed it unless it was an engineer. Anyway this week the out of service sign came down on one of the loos and they are letting customers use the toilet by putting a pin code in. They won’t tell me the pin code so if a customer asks for the toilet I have to say they are all broken and I don’t know the code? Not good customer service?

Anyway there is three opinions:

1: It’s genuine and the toilets were broke and they don’t want customers using them much so put a pin code. 

2: They seen me wash my hands decided to lock them with a code to stop me going in having seen it on camera. 

3: Nobody exists and it’s actually all a set up to stop me going into the toilet to try and teach me to handle my ocd. (Solipsism)

I know it’s a random topic. But it’s situations like this which fuel my solispism and existence worries.

Also for the record on my old store I use to use the customer toilet and washed my hand whenever I felt like it and never once were they broken or locked

[Closed for repairs]

There's usually some way to keep a pin lock door unlocked, just like there is on a Yale lock, but it depends on the model.

Toilet doors are usually only lockable from the inside, and have an emergency, unlock function.( Toilet door locks are really little more than a catch, they are to stop some one walking in when the toilet is in use. Our one at work broke and we had to hold it shut with a straight leg, whist sitting down.)

I can see in a retail environment that unless you are a very large shop, that you may want to restrict access to the toilets, with a proper lock, 

I'm sure there is an innocent reason why you don't have the pin.

I am pretty sure we all exist, I can't imagine that some deity, or AI, has created a simulation based around your toilet habits.

And I would have thought that if any one objected to your washing, they would have said so, rather than waging a rather cruel campaign of disinformation.

But who knows, the world is a funny place.

 

[Phil19]

I wonder if I can ever got over this feeling my house is tainted or ruined and I can’t touch the garden due to the wheelie bin being placed there?

[PolarBear]

You won't get over it if you keep doing compulsions. That's a fact.

Edited February 7, 2020 by PolarBear

[Phil19]

1 hour ago, PolarBear said:

You won't get over it if you keep doing compulsions. That's a fact.

I could move house that’s a compulsion but I have not done this yet so not done the compulsion 

[PolarBear]

That's good but you do plenty of other compulsions that are keeping you trapped. 

[Phil19]

I have been struggling with this still. I got some advice on another message board saying if I was only renting I should move house. Not sure this helps much.

When I moved house due to the windows in my last house I felt disgust with the house I feel the same way now. I’m not doing compulsions as such other then avoiding that area where the bin was. I tried to convince myself there is plastic coating on the bin so no bin toilet plunger germs were on the outside but this doesn’t reassure me much. It’s one of these where I will prob avoid the ground and I will probably dwell on it and think my house is disgusting and want to move is there an easier way to cope with this?

[PolarBear]

No. Recovery from OCD is not easy. You have to face your fears head on and stop your compulsions. We've told you that many, many times, but you continue doing compulsions and then wonder why you are still struggling. 

You are struggling because you do compulsions. This is something you have to come to terms with. Every time you do a compulsion, you reinforce the erroneous belief in your mind that your obsession is true. That causes more anxiety, more doubt and more obsessions. 

I know what you'll say, that you've cut out a few compulsions. That's good but you're still doing them. A big one is avoidance. You avoid supposedly contaminated things like the plague. This is hurting you, not helping you.

[dksea]

15 hours ago, Phil19 said:

I’m not doing compulsions as such other then avoiding that area where the bin was.

If you want to keep recovering you have to stop this compulsion too.
Guessing you are also ruminating quite a bit as well.

[Phil19]

On 14/02/2020 at 02:57, dksea said:

If you want to keep recovering you have to stop this compulsion too.
Guessing you are also ruminating quite a bit as well.

It’s very hard to turn off the worry. I have thought about it less but I think generally what will happen is I will avoid the area. I worry about the stones more than the tarmac outside I have no idea why but I just worry about anything touching the ground it could spread those toilet plunger germs. Even if I bleach it I don’t think it would change how I think it stop me worrying?

[PolarBear]

You don't just turn off a worry. You live as normal as possible DESPITE the worry. And in case we haven't been clear up til now, your worry is nonsense.

Please read my previous post again. It's the truth. Keep doing compulsions and you'll remain stuck. It's that simple.

[Phil19]

12 hours ago, PolarBear said:

You don't just turn off a worry. You live as normal as possible DESPITE the worry. And in case we haven't been clear up til now, your worry is nonsense.

Please read my previous post again. It's the truth. Keep doing compulsions and you'll remain stuck. It's that simple.

Yes I mentioned before how my dirty laundry worry seemed to improve. Sadly it’s not the same for my other ones. 

The hardest bit is I can’t even touch door handles now often in fear somebody has touched a bin and not washed there hands ect or the fear the ground got dirty off the bin. People tell me not to worry but it’s very hard I can’t bring myself to touch it. I worry if I touch the handle at my parents it could have dog poo germs on it. I mean I use to touch that handle but now I find it very hard. I actually get others to open doors for me? I know it’s a compulsion to be doing this.

[dksea]

12 hours ago, Phil19 said:

The hardest bit is I can’t even touch door handles now often in fear somebody has touched a bin and not washed there hands ect or the fear the ground got dirty off the bin.

No, you can touch the door handle.  It may be uncomfortable, it may be hard, but you can do it, you are choosing not to, its avoidance, its a compulsion.  I understand avoidance, I'm not saying its easy, but you can do it.
 

12 hours ago, Phil19 said:

People tell me not to worry but it’s very hard I can’t bring myself to touch it.

Its not about not worrying, its about doing it anyway.  You don't recover from OCD by waiting until the worry goes away to do things, you make the worry go away by doing things anyway.  Again, not saying you have to dive in full throttle at first and start grabbing every door handle you see (though that would probably make things go faster).
 

12 hours ago, Phil19 said:

I worry if I touch the handle at my parents it could have dog poo germs on it.

Maybe it could.  So what?  The risk of them being there is low.  The risk of problems if they are there is low.  You are avoiding something because of a microscopic (pun intended) risk.  And dog poo germs could be on lots of things.  The world is dirty, germs are everywhere, bacteria is everywhere, your body is designed to fit it on a constant basis.  We all live with it, you can too.  You already are and have your entire life.
 

12 hours ago, Phil19 said:

I mean I use to touch that handle but now I find it very hard. I actually get others to open doors for me? I know it’s a compulsion to be doing this.

It is a compulsion and continuing to do it will make your problems continue and probably get worse (as they already are).

If you want things to change you have to make different choices.  Its good that you are doing that in some areas, but you need to keep doing it and move in to more areas of your life if you want to beat this.  

[Phil19]

I am still suffering anxiety about the social media side of things. One days I decide I will post about my partners birthday and other days I decide it’s best not to? What do I do? The last time I did this I had a worry about putting I was in Amsterdam on Facebook in the end I did post but this event isn’t until June so the anxiety kicks in? Also I added a few work colleagues in my new shop a few months back but none accepted so I cancelled should I try adding other ones now or leave it? My ocd makes me worry I spoke to them before and it’s tainted. I worry I have spoke to one of the performers at my partners birthday too when I was single as she is on a dating site. How can I get over this social media anxiety? My worry is if I don’t post the anxiety wins?

I worry it’s the ocd keeping me in this cycle?