Tips for suffering ocd daily?

[Phil19]

On 19/04/2020 at 22:58, PolarBear said:

You say you 'have to' delete friends. No, you don't. You choose to and when you do its a compulsion, which only makes your situation worse.

You are right it makes it worse.

When I said I spoke to another women last year I said I felt tainted my ocd urge was to end the relationship or marriage and start a new one so it felt fresh and not tainted. I have similar feelings with moving house with germ issues I actually moved house in the past thinking it would sort me out. However new germ issues came up. 

But by deleting these friends it’s made me feel worse about adding new people. The social media thing has been a real battle feeling people are tainted I worry similar people I spoke to are the same person so I won’t add them. And the birthday night out I still refuse to post any photos as I worry about the singers. 
 

Some people suggested I just have it live with the ocd as others do is this right? Or should I be saying I can beat the ocd?

[Phil19]

I’ve had this issue for around a year perhaps two. It’s at a point where I send a friend request and cancel in fear I spoke to them before on a dating site. People from work ect. Or I have had to delete friends as I worry they are tainted. I had bad ocd about sharing about my partners birthday as I never wanted people to see it was a special birthday and also I worried I’d spoke to the singers before. The anxiety is crippling I worry about adding or sharing and it makes me worry all day. Sure I could quit social media this may help but the anxiety wins. I’m unable to sit with the anxiety which is quite awful. Perhaps I have to limit who I add and live with the anxiety I have most of my family and close friends I guess that’s all that matters. However I feel a bit down that I worry about adding new people or sharing stuff or people being tainted. I worry my own wife is tainted as I spoke to another women last year so worry the relationship is tainted. Can anybody help? I worry how cancelling friend requests or deleting people looks on my part when nobody knows I have anxiety?

[Phil19]

I cancelled one friend request my urge is to cancel another one for no reason?

[Phil19]

On 21/04/2020 at 18:22, Phil19 said:

I cancelled one friend request my urge is to cancel another one for no reason?

What happened was I cancelled that one.

I tried to readd somebody tonight and cancelled worrying they were tainted and if I added them I’d have to delete my entire Facebook or the person. Can anybody help me with this?

[dksea]

19 hours ago, Phil19 said:

I tried to readd somebody tonight and cancelled worrying they were tainted and if I added them I’d have to delete my entire Facebook or the person. Can anybody help me with this?

I really want to help you Phil, I really do, but the thing is i'm just going to be telling you the same stuff I've said before. Until you start accepting it and applying it, things won't change.

The "taint" or "contamination" isn't real.  You don't have to delete them.  You don't have to delete your entire Facebook.  You don't have to throw things out.  You don't have to do any of these things.  The more you DO do them the worse this will be.  You need to start challenging how you react to these thoughts if you want things to change.  You need to start believing what we tell you and disbelieving what OCD tells you.  You need to start making different decisions or you will stay trapped in the same loop over and over.

[Phil19]

17 hours ago, dksea said:

I really want to help you Phil, I really do, but the thing is i'm just going to be telling you the same stuff I've said before. Until you start accepting it and applying it, things won't change.

The "taint" or "contamination" isn't real.  You don't have to delete them.  You don't have to delete your entire Facebook.  You don't have to throw things out.  You don't have to do any of these things.  The more you DO do them the worse this will be.  You need to start challenging how you react to these thoughts if you want things to change.  You need to start believing what we tell you and disbelieving what OCD tells you.  You need to start making different decisions or you will stay trapped in the same loop over and over.

Yes I get that it isn’t real. To anybody else it’s not real. For me it seems very real. When these urges come I feel over powered by them. My head goes on a train of thoughts if say I added a tainted friend.

My fear is this getting worse or not improving atall. I even thought about if I deleted a friend and readded them they would also be tainted. I don’t think everybody is tainted but my head often makes up stories how I spoke to the person before so can’t add them. It’s like the garden my head says it’s dirty but to anybody else it’s not. 

[Phil19]

My options 

1. Come off social media (Could do but would restrict my contact as I use messenger and not SMS.)
2. Add the person but deal with the anxiety I suffer (This avoidance is how I get by at present..managing it so to speak) 
3. Don’t add them as it will cause anxiety (It wouldn’t matter as I have majority of my family and friends on FB)
4. Delay adding them/delay deleting them (Not tried this one yet in fear I will delete, add delete in a loop)

I would be very interested to hear what people think as I can use it for other ocd worries about social media and the garden. 

Edited April 26, 2020 by Phil19

[Ironborn]

Sorry to read what you are going Trough Phil. I'm not really in a place to give advice right now since I'm battling my own ocd relapse at this moment. 

The only thing I can see is that you and I ruminate way to much which a lot of wise people here on the forums with years and years of experience try to keep telling us. We need to stop that. Although I'm not really sure how to since my thoughts keep going there or images are sort of printed in my vision we need to try and not go into that rabbit hole 

I wish you lots of luck dealing with your ocd. 

[dksea]

On 26/04/2020 at 18:33, Phil19 said:

Yes I get that it isn’t real. To anybody else it’s not real. For me it seems very real. When these urges come I feel over powered by them. My head goes on a train of thoughts if say I added a tainted friend.

I understand that you feel this way, I know how frustrating it can be, what seems so easy and obvious to other people just doesn't seem that way for you.  This is the reality for every OCD sufferer around their obsessive thoughts.  It seems "real" to all of us.  We all feel overpowered by these urges.  You are not alone.

However, if you want to beat OCD, if you want to address your fear of this getting worse or stalling, then you need to start changing how you react anyway.

OCD sufferers who improve also feel like their fears are real, they also feel overpowered by these urges.  The difference is they change how the react despite that.  They slowly, and with patience and hard work, learn to not give in even though they sometimes feel powerful urges.  Recovery happens DESPITE the fear seeming real.  You choose to behave different than how OCD demands even though it feels bad.  Even though part of you REALLY does not want to.  CBT can help with this.  Medication can help with this.  But ultimately YOU have to commit to doing the work.

For example, I used to have an intense fear of being sick to my stomach, especially in public.  Public transportation was extremely scary for me.  I felt very real fear.  I had powerful urges to avoid it, or if I was on it (say a bus) to get off as quickly as possible.  It was incredibly difficult.  I overcame this situation by forcing myself to use the bus anyway.  At the time, while in university, I lived across town from my girlfriend.  If I wanted to see her I had no choice but to take the bus.  So I had to force myself to do it.  It was very uncomfortable, I had to work very hard at first. Some times I couldn't do it.  But I kept trying, kept forcing myself.  I practiced relaxation techniques.  I used the Four Steps CBT approach.  Over time it became easier and easier.  Now I can ride public transit without much of a thought.  Before CORONA virus I often rode the subway and trains here in Tokyo, its the primary way I get around now.  It was not easy.  It seemed impossible at first.  But over time I beat the OCD back.  You can too.  But YOU have to choose to do it, not just once, but over and over and over again. Its ultimately up to you.  You can (and should) get help, but it is just that help.

[Phil19]

I am still suffering this. I added friends and cancelled but not due to ocd only as they never accepted.

One person did accept however I am battling the urge to delete this friend. My head says anybody from work who is female could be tainted so I now worry about adding them. Sure I could not add but the ocd wins..I am trying to challenge the thought and say I’ve not spoke to this person before. I added one of my wife’s family and I even have the urge to delete her as I look at my friend list and dislike her profile picture and worry she’s tainted. How can I beat this ocd with social media?

I had suffered less anxiety by not adding but knew that’s not always a practical solution.

Edited May 17, 2020 by Phil19

[PolarBear]

We've told you what to do, with this and your other themes. You seem to think this one needs different treatment. It doesn't. It needs to be treated the same as the other types you suffer from.

[dksea]

22 hours ago, Phil19 said:

My head says anybody from work who is female could be tainted so I now worry about adding them.

 

22 hours ago, Phil19 said:

I added one of my wife’s family and I even have the urge to delete her as I look at my friend list and dislike her profile picture and worry she’s tainted. How can I beat this ocd with social media?

You can beat it by following the process laid about by CBT.  
You can beat it by working with a qualified therapist and doing the work they tell you to do.
You can beat it by challenging the idea that things can be "tainted" and by avoiding the compulsive behaviors you engage when confronted with those intrusive thoughts.

You KNOW that these types of thoughts are false alarms.  Yes they cause real anxiety and real suffering.  Yes you feel real doubt and worry they might be true.
You have to decide to behave differently inspite of those feelings and doubts.
You have to start reframing how you respond and think about those feelings and doubts.

Things will not change for the better unless you take active steps over a long time to make that change.  It will probably be easier with help but ONLY if you are willing to LISTEN to what the help says and trust it inspite of your doubts and fears.  Maybe medication can help too, at least make it a little easier to challenge these things.  But thats up to you and your doctor and your therapist should you start seeing one.  You have to make a recovery plan and do it.  none of this is new or different from what I've told you before, and barring a miraculous discovery of a new treatment method in the foreseeable future, it won't change the next time you ask.  I promise if there is some stupendous breakthrough you'll hear about it.  In the meantime though if you want to live a better life, you have to start making changes yourself.

[Phil19]

In the end I did delete the people I feel I have let myself down. I knew by adding them I would struggle with anxiety. My head has been making up stories to not add people for months now. I tried to suffer the anxiety but it won. I had this issue with replacing items but i suddenly stopped that. It just simply went away perhaps this social media worry will also just go away? I am not saying the cbt wont make it go away but no therapists are working right now. I tired to resist deleting the people however I couldn’t manage it..it’s not great it’s not the people’s fault but my own anxiety. I felt relief by deleting them see that’s the problem I am in search of relief. My head still nips at who else I can delete but I don’t think that’s helpful to engage in that. 

[PolarBear]

Of course you want relief. That's why people do compulsions. Obsessions cause distress. Sufferers do compulsions to get rid of the distress. Relief.

What you must learn is that the relief is only temporary. Soon enough there are more obsessions causing more distress that require more compulsions. It's an endless cycle until you put your foot down and stop the compulsions.

[Phil19]

So will I ever be able to add Facebook friends again that’s my worry. I deleted those people but I can’t keep adding and deleting. Not adding gives me relief but it’s i it recently this ocd has got worse. I had a thought about deleting someone else as I spoke to them they had a mutual friend with a person I spoke to but I resisted the deletion. I however couldn’t resist deleting the people I added..I am keen to add more to try and ride the anxiety our longer..

[Phil19]

Anybody? I fear I won’t be able to add new people or post holiday pictures. My worry is if I see somebody with a certain hairstyle at a tourist spot I can’t take a photo there for my profile? Sounds trivial but this is how my ocd operates?

[PolarBear]

Phil, if you don't get control of your compulsions, I fear you are going to trap yourself in a very small world filled with nonsensical rules.

[dksea]

On 21/05/2020 at 01:27, Phil19 said:

Not adding gives me relief but it’s i it recently this ocd has got worse.

As PB and I have both told you, this is the problem with giving in to compulsions.  You get, at best, temporary relief, but the problem only grows because you are reinforcing the OCD fear.
 

On 21/05/2020 at 01:27, Phil19 said:

So will I ever be able to add Facebook friends again that’s my worry.

If you stop doing the wrong things and start doing the right things. You could add them now if you chose to.  You will almost certainly experience anxiety, but you can survive that anxiety.  Adding friends and not deleting them would be the best thing you could do.  Continuing to live by these increasingly complicated and unnecessary rules would be the worst thing you could do.  You can make a choice, only you.

[Phil19]

With my ocd I mentioned I feel the garden is contaminated and also I changed my profile picture to a holiday photo I worried as I seen someone with that hair style at that landmark. I avoided using the photo but I tried using it this week. It worked fine however I still feel the photo is contaminated or tainted. How can I shake off these feelings? People say the uncomfortable feelings will go but when? Six months? A year?

[dksea]

3 hours ago, Phil19 said:

How can I shake off these feelings? People say the uncomfortable feelings will go but when? Six months? A year?

You can shake them by following the practices of CBT, working with a therapist, etc.  The same advice we've given you before.  There is nothing different we can offer you. You have to do the work, you have to keep at it for the long term.  You've been going down the wrong path for a long time now, solidifying in your mind a lot of negative thought processes and behaviors.  It takes time and effort to undo that damage.  How long it takes to improve will depend on various things, but one of the most significant is if you continue to engage in compulsions that perpetuate/worsen the issues.   I appreciate that its difficult and frustrating, but that doesn't change what must be done to improve.  Talk to your doctor, see about working with a therapist, consider medication.  Professional help is your best bet, but you have to be willing to do what they say and make changes for the long term.

[Phil19]

17 hours ago, dksea said:

You can shake them by following the practices of CBT, working with a therapist, etc.  The same advice we've given you before.  There is nothing different we can offer you. You have to do the work, you have to keep at it for the long term.  You've been going down the wrong path for a long time now, solidifying in your mind a lot of negative thought processes and behaviors.  It takes time and effort to undo that damage.  How long it takes to improve will depend on various things, but one of the most significant is if you continue to engage in compulsions that perpetuate/worsen the issues.   I appreciate that its difficult and frustrating, but that doesn't change what must be done to improve.  Talk to your doctor, see about working with a therapist, consider medication.  Professional help is your best bet, but you have to be willing to do what they say and make changes for the long term.

Thanks yes you say do what CBT says that would be keep the photo up deal with the anxiety but the anxiety has not yet left. I want to be able to feel the picture is fine on Facebook and I have no idea how long this may be. I want to know how I can change these distorted thoughts and ideas. When I think the garden is contaminated I would prefer to think the garden is fine? Is it possible to think this way again?

[dksea]

1 hour ago, Phil19 said:

I want to be able to feel the picture is fine on Facebook and I have no idea how long this may be. I want to know how I can change these distorted thoughts and ideas. When I think the garden is contaminated I would prefer to think the garden is fine? Is it possible to think this way again?

I understand that? It’s what we all want. We all want to feel things are fine/not contaminated/normal/etc. 

You change this by doing CBT, over and over and over again. I’m sorry that it won’t change immediately or quickly but that’s the reality of the situation.  A person who suffers a severe injury/illness has to take time to recover. OCD is no different. A person may suffer a stroke and have to relearn how to walk, how to write, etc. Of course they want to be normal right away but life doesn’t work that way, it takes time to change, the same is true for OCD.

If you are willing and your doctor agrees you could try medication, that may help, but even that is not immediate and you should still do CBT to make lasting change.
 

I’m sorry there isn’t an easier/faster way, for all our sake, but it is what it is.

 

 

[Phil19]

My local tourist spot was damaged by vandalism and they simply painted over it. With my ocd I believe it’s tainted if I visit that sight now as the paint means you can see it’s been damaged? 

[Phil19]

Secondly with the social media thing I have been able to add new people and use the holiday photo but not been able to add everybody. 

[dksea]

3 hours ago, Phil19 said:

With my ocd I believe it’s tainted if I visit that sight now as the paint means you can see it’s been damaged? 

You can believe the lies OCD tells you or you can reject them. Social media, waste bins, tourist spots, the answer is always the same, the “contamination” is a lie. See any of my (or PB’s) previous advice to you. It’s the same for this. It will be the same for your next feared contamination.