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OCD for ever?


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'm scared because this type of ocd feels so bizar No one has ever had this kind. I will try to explain it the best I can;

Whenever i get hope for my ocd, because I'm going to try out meditation, sport, therapy, meds, supps, talking with friends, think of my wife or son, just anything that could be positive or hopeful for my ocd recovery I immediately get this feeling / thought

 *it's not gonna work I (ocd) am here for ever*
Or
*now this subject will be tainted forever*
Or
*I (ocd) will infect everything that makes you feel good or will give you hope*
Etc
Etc
Etc

Sometimes when this is getting really bad and I start getting a semi panic attack because I feel those thoughts are true and my ocd will infect everything I care about, I at some point even get this feeling as if it's THE absolute truth. I am in no way religious but at those moments it feels as if some all knowing entity has written out that my ocd is the absolute truth and can not be opposed. And thus it will be like this forever, and I will never be able to enjoy anything anymore, or have hope.

Now recently I discovered that just accepting this feeling without fighting it, made it less powerful, but here it comes now my ocd has said this; you accepting it and not fighting it will be my main focus now. And suddenly it stopped working, accepting and not fighting now ALSO got infected by ocd....... What do I do!? 

Also I've read posts from people who said they have never felt better and tried every medicine and every therapy, and now I'm afraid that will happen to me as well now I'm obsessing about chronic none treatable ocd and this scares me alot! 

I mean how can something work for me if ocd itself has latched onto that specific medicine or therapy of whatever it is that should help? 

Does this even make any sense that I'm typing here? Or has no one ever heard this could be ocd and am I the first with this? 

Edited by Ironborn
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1 minute ago, Closed for repairs said:

You are posting in an OCD forum used by sufferers,

We all get intrusive, thoughts, how likely do you think it is that no one has ever thought that before?

Because this one feels and seems beyond ocd. As if it's the truth and cannot be denied. There where I see other people's ocd more revolved around afraid to do this or that (which I had also btw) or cannot get over a past event (which I have to btw) but the one I'm talking about in this topic just feels weird and bizar and also untreatable. 

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8 hours ago, Ironborn said:

I'm scared because this type of ocd feels so bizar No one has ever had this kind. 

No of course not, your OCD is the real deal, far far more entrapping and terrible than anyone else's, ever, for ever. 

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3 minutes ago, paradoxer said:

No of course not, your OCD is the real deal, far far more entrapping and terrible than anyone else's, ever, for ever. 

I did not mean it like that. But let me say that it feels like so. 

Don't mean to negate others ocd and suffering, it's brutal for all sufferers. 

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2 hours ago, Ironborn said:

I did not mean it like that. But let me say that it feels like so. 

Don't mean to negate others ocd and suffering, it's brutal for all sufferers. 

You're missing the point, I'm not concerned with the hurt feelings of others (there aren't any), just pointing out the absurdity of your belief. Almost all sufferers feel that their OCD is different or worse than others. It's the way the disorder rolls. 

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You've raised several times that your thoughts are different than others. Sorry to burst your bubble, but they're not.

Doesn't matter how you describe the thoughts. Millions have had them. Your declaration that they seem so real and absolutely the truth has been said, many, many times before.

You are not different. Yours is not worse. Your thoughts are no more real or truthful than anyone else's. Having thoughts that you'll have OCD forever and you'll never get better is very common. Personally, I think this phenomenon comes from spending too much time researching recovery and not enough doing.

You have ordinary, every day, run of the mill OCD.

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Hi Ironborn,

I had a similar experience where OCD latched onto treatment by way of mental contamination!

Looking back, I put this down to the stress & desperation of it all, where OCD focuses on the only way out. I was so ill with multiple themes all running at the same time, & even diagnosed with borderline psychotic OCD at one stage.

As for who has it worse, I think this depends on how debilitating it is, & how much of the day it takes up. I don't agree that all sufferers experience it the same.

You can get better with a top quality therapist!

I surprised myself last year by returning to that wonderful country of yours! I never thought I would make it out of my hometown, let alone fly, stay in a hotel, & so on.

All the best!

:)

 

 

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3 hours ago, PolarBear said:

Personally, I think this phenomenon comes from spending too much time researching recovery and not enough doing.

Yes!  Very much this.  I fell in to this trap too, trying to find the magic bullet, the key point, the perfect solution.  If I just read one more book, maybe that one will have the key!

What worked in the end was doing the work.

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14 hours ago, Ironborn said:

Also I've read posts from people who said they have never felt better and tried every medicine and every therapy, and now I'm afraid that will happen to me as well now I'm obsessing about chronic none treatable ocd and this scares me alot! 

What about all the posts from people like myself or PolarBear or the millions of other people with OCD who have recovered and are leading better, more fulfilling lives because of it?  Why not focus on that?
 

14 hours ago, Ironborn said:

I mean how can something work for me if ocd itself has latched onto that specific medicine or therapy of whatever it is that should help? 

The steps to recovery are not dependent on what your obsession is.  Your obsession could be about anything and the recovery steps would be more or less the same.  Sure some of the details will change, but you'll still be focused on avoiding compulsions, letting the thoughts be, sitting out the anxiety, etc.

OCD is not a being, it is not intelligent, it does not have a plan.  It latches on to thoughts based on timing and bad luck, thats it.  Right now its latched on to a topic you've been thinking about a lot lately, which makes sense.  The more often you are thinking about something, the higher the odds that you'll be thinking about it when your brain misfires because of OCD.  But it doesn't mean anything about your recovery or you as a person.  It has zero effect on that topic in real life.  

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I see and I get all of your responses. I've been Trough this cycle many times but then with other ocd themes. 

The weird thing is that ones my ocd seems to fade on one topic it jumps to another. But now it went diffrent and stated; I will be everywhere and everything you think off no matter what. 

This made me becoming depressed again this week, and got to the point where I now sort of 'accept' that nothing will ever be the same anymore and that nothing will work for me anymore, and somehow ocd seems to go down when I accept this, but on the other hand I seem to be way less capable of enjoying things now, because everytime I start to feel good, feel hope or enjoy something, ocd is there in a nanosecond reminds me (hey you know what we agreed upon, no more enjoyment or hopeful thinking). 

And this happens with everything, so right now I'm waiting at the psychologists office to be called in because I want to discuss this particular issue, and I immediately get the feeling or thought 'nope' 'won't work' 'hey sdobt forget our agreemeny'. 

Actually even writing this piece on the forums is accompanied by those kind of thoughts. 

 

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I’ve had very similar thoughts to you. I still don’t really believe I can recover much. But I’m going to try. I feel the same where sometimes you accept it won’t be the same and feel a little better bc your not obsessing all the time but you aren’t happy at all. The reason I stopped obsessing about getting better is because 99% of my attention goes to if I did something wrong in the past and trying not to in the future. Also what worked for me about tainting stuff forever was just to say this thought I had doesn’t mean I have to completely ruin something for myself. And then just move on and not obsess over it. Sorry this probably wasn’t so helpful but hope you’re doing ok now.

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21 hours ago, dksea said:
  1. What does this have to do with what the OP said?
  2. Thats not even what depression is.

Because he sounds depressed & yes, this is what depression is. I know it’s personally true. 

Anxiety is necessary for survival. Thus, we are always going to have it. Those with ocd have too much. That’s why it’s called a disorder. 
 

 

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4 hours ago, Handy said:

Because he sounds depressed & yes, this is what depression is. I know it’s personally true. 

Anxiety is necessary for survival. Thus, we are always going to have it. Those with ocd have too much. That’s why it’s called a disorder. 

No, that is not what depression is. Many many people suffer from depression and have never and will never have OCD. A person can have both but it is not a requirement. You are just plain wrong. 
 

And what does your second point have to do with anything I said? I never said a word about anxiety in my comment.  Do you even read what people say or do you just have a bunch of statements that you decide to randomly post?!

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4 hours ago, paradoxer said:

Good old Handy, never saw a non sequitur he didn't like. 

I mean is the next comment going to be about pancakes? Russian bird species? Irritable bowel syndrome? Boomerangs? Stay tuned to find out! ?

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