Now it's changed again

[Ironborn]

Last night when me and my wife were in bed we had a bit of a discussion about certain stuff in the household. 

I also told her that I feel she gives me less attention then she did in the past and that I maybe had a feeling she might be seeing someone else (which had happened in the past btw). 

She told me there was nothing I should be worried of and that she would never do such a thing again. I felt comforted and she told me she would try and show more affection since she did not was aware she gave me less attention this past time. 

Once she was saying this stuff to me I felt aroused and wanted to have intercourse, but I suddenly thought that it felt as if I was trying to have sex with her in the first place and that I was acting sad and stuff just to get sex. So I told her I felt if we would have sex at that moment my ocd would flare up because I felt I manipulated her, but she told me she wanted to have sex as well, do we did have sex after that. 

Also I can't deny that in the past when I wanted intercourse with her I would tell her I'm not satisfied with the amount of sex we had, to hopefully have sex after discussing that and more frequently from that point on. But now I feel I might have manipulated her into having sex with me multiple times in the past, she told me this morning that is not the case and it always was consentual. But I feel I tricked her into wanting sex if you know what I mean? 

So a short example: we go to bed, I feel aroused, she wants to sleep, I tell her I feel aroused, and sometimes told her I am not satisfied with the frequency we have sex, we have sex. And that's it. 

I now feel like a monster, she tells me I should not because she says she enjoys it to. 

But the fact that I sometimes used emotional reasons to maybe have sex feels so bad. 

Please help me, or at least someone that can relate? 

[paradoxer]

Want to help yourself? Stop posting every spike and rumination. Why? Because in your apparent search for reassurance - testing, you're performing a compulsion. And that compulsion sends a message to your brain that 'this is a thing worthy of consideration'. Ritual backfires, as it always will, and gets you deeper into the mire. Do yourself a favour and desist. You're just hurting yourself. 

[Ironborn]

15 minutes ago, paradoxer said:

Want to help yourself? Stop posting every spike and rumination. Why? Because in your apparent search for reassurance - testing, you're performing a compulsion. And that compulsion sends a message to your brain that 'this is a thing worthy of consideration'. Ritual backfires, as it always will, and gets you deeper into the mire. Do yourself a favour and desist. You're just hurting yourself. 

I get what your saying, although now it seems the ocd finally found the true me, the true monster. 

[paradoxer]

8 hours ago, Ironborn said:

I get what your saying, although now it seems the ocd finally found the true me, the true monster. 

And there's your unintended admission that it's nonsense = 'ocd finally found the true me'. As though OCD was ever the measure of veracity.

But don't take my response as reassurance. Why not come to terms with the fact that you really are the terrible monster you tell yourself you are? Concede the 'fact' and watch the anxiety sail away. 

 

[Ironborn]

I've been looking for reassurence, which I know I should not do. And while doing so (on the internet someone posted a reply that everything with sex should be a absolute yes) and if someone says no to something it should not happen. This made me go very anxious because recently when my wife and I were having intercourse I told her I wanted to do oral sex to her. She said something like 'not now' and I told her I wanted her to enjoy it and not worry about it she again said something like 'I'm not sure' but then we did it still. And she enjoyed it very much. 

But reading the reply someone wrote on a ocd Facebook group and thinking back of this situation I'm really panicking. My wife does not think anything is wrong but I feel I may have forced her or something, what do I do now? 

[BM94]

1 hour ago, Ironborn said:

But reading the reply someone wrote on a ocd Facebook group and thinking back of this situation I'm really panicking. My wife does not think anything is wrong but I feel I may have forced her or something, what do I do now?

You dont have to do anything now, that's the point.

1 hour ago, Ironborn said:

I've been looking for reassurence, which I know I should not do. And while doing so..

You said above you know you should not seek reassurance, and your very next sentence was a compulsion and reassurance seeking. Paradoxer is right - cease and desist.

[Ironborn]

23 hours ago, paradoxer said:

And there's your unintended admission that it's nonsense = 'ocd finally found the true me'. As though OCD was ever the measure of veracity.

But don't take my response as reassurance. Why not come to terms with the fact that you really are the terrible monster you tell yourself you are? Concede the 'fact' and watch the anxiety sail away. 

 

 

2 hours ago, BM94 said:

You dont have to do anything now, that's the point.

You said above you know you should not seek reassurance, and your very next sentence was a compulsion and reassurance seeking. Paradoxer is right - cease and desist.

I'm trying to ignore the thoughts and sort of accept them. But when doing so it feels as if I accept that I am those things I think about myself, which feels very scary to me. 

[paradoxer]

Being 'scared' is the way forward, avoiding it - a step backward ... leading to more 'scared'. 

Try to stop posting every bloody spike. 

Edited December 26, 2019 by paradoxer