Jump to content

Help desperately needed


Recommended Posts

I think my teenage son has OCD. He won't throw rubbish away, he's constantly looking and searching for things, then has a melt down, constantly needs reassurance and asks me the same question over and over again. Both myself and my husband are beyond despair and don't know what to do! My son stands in my way, will push me if I don't go through the rubbish with him! I never do and I sit it out, sometimes he eats himself in the face!  I'm crying as I write this because I don't like being around him anymore! We've both tried to use empathy,  we got angry, we've tried staying calm but he still carries on. Christmas as been horrendous. I've got an appointment to see the GP but we all need urgent help. I just needed someone to talk to as I can't cope with this anymore.  

Link to comment

HI Christina, I can hear how hard it has been for you with your son recently. It does sound like he is feeling really quite anxious about something, and if he does have OCD this may explain it.

I don't know how much you know about OCD, but what I find that a lot of people don;t understand about the condition is that we cannot control what we do or how we feel with any ease. I have spent years of my parents telling me 'just stop doing that', and 'just get better', but it is just not that simple. And I think it is beyond difficult for parents to find that perfect balance between empathy, challenging, reassuring, ignoring, and I think the main reason this is so hard for them is because they're not professionals, and especially if you're at the beginning of your term with your son's (potential) OCD, I can imagine how hard it is for you to try and find this balance when you haven't much experience in knowing what that balance is.

What I would like to offer you is the fact that if it is OCD, your son does not want to behave this way. There is a line between OCD and just behaviour, for example a person has thoughts that they could stab someone with a kitchen knife, but this thought is really very distressing for them, but they can't get rid of it, and to try and calm down they do compulsions, then this may well be classed as OCD. And it is important to remember that this hypothetical person doesn't actually want to hurt anyone, it is their brain tricking them. But then there will be people who get this thought and it doesn't distress them, and they just get on with their day.

I know it can be really tricksy trying to deal with you son's compulsive behaviours, which I can tell you with experience of my parents trying to deal with me. But something I would love my parents to understand about OCD, that I feel may be helpful for you, is that we do these things because we believe we're in great danger, every second of our lives, and we don't know how to get out of it. We are trapped in danger. And there is a chance your son is feeling this same danger right now, that he feels something awful will happen if he doesn't behave this way. This does not negate how you feel, and how you are feeling right now is also valid. I wonder, have you asked him what's causing this compulsive behaviour? Or have you asked him how he is feeling when he is doing the compulsions? You never know, asking him these questions may give you some insight into how he's feeling.

I hope this helps. And please reply to this if you have questions about what I've said, and I hope everything goes okay at your GP appointment. Your son deserves every bit of help in the world.

Link to comment

I'm so sorry to hear that you're all struggling :hug:

Your son sounds like he could have OCD so you've done the right thing booking an appointment to see a GP. Hopefully they will refer your son to your local Child and adolescent mental health service (CAMHS). If he has OCD then they should recommend Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It's a talking therapy that looks at how his compulsions make his problem worse and looks to change his response to his worries. 

In the mean time, you can try to learn how to tackle OCD as best you can. It's likely that your son checks the rubbish because he worries something might happen if he doesn't and OCD will make him feel very responsible for preventing whatever he worries about. This is why it can be terrifying to not do compulsions and could be why he resorts to standing in your way and hitting himself. 

OCD-UK have a young person's guide to OCD you can freely download or request here, 

http://www.ocduk.org/teens/

Hopefully this will help your son feel less alone. There are also some brilliant self-help books for OCD which you could look through together when things are less anxious to begin talking about, discussing and understanding his problem together. The best adult one is probably Break free from OCD, if he is younger then Breaking free from OCD is great. 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...