Making progress?

[PinkPrincess1981]

I've been dealing with an obsession for the past month that I've committed a crime in the past and have forgotten/blocked it out. The thought just randomly popped into my head one day and I got an instant spike of fear: "oh my god, what if it's true?" and therefore started obsessing, racking my memory for what could have happened/ when it could have happened/ feeling like I'm a terrible person etc etc. Over Xmas it disappeared because I had another more urgent obsession to deal with but now that's sorted out in my head the previous obsession is back. I've been taking on board what everyone on here has been saying about not giving in to the compulsions as even though they make me feel better at the time they are fuelling the obsession. So hubby went back to work yesterday and I'm not back until Thursday so I was on my own all day and I did a lot of ruminating, mental checking etc. I told myself this was going to be the last day I spent time thinking about it. Let's face it, I've spent all my waking hours for the past month thinking about it and I'm no further forward am I? It's still torturing me. Anyway, last night I did some meditation and got myself into a relaxed, calm state and this morning as soon as I got up the thought was there trying to get me to give it attention but I said to myself "no, I know the thought isn't true so I don't need to give it any attention" and tried to ignore it. It's still there kind of in the background but it's not at the forefront of my mind like it usually is. For the past month I've not been able to do any of the things I enjoy like reading, listening to music,  watching TV as I've not been able to concentrate on anything but this thought but I've done some reading and listened to music this morning. I know it's not going to disappear overnight but hopefully I'm on the right track. I know what I did wrong - when the thought came in originally I should have just dismissed it straight away instead of analysing it. The other day I had a dream I cheated on my husband and when I woke up the thought popped into my head "well what if you have?"  I felt the familiar anxiety and could have easily gone down the rabbit hole but I nipped it in the bud and told myself "you know that's ridiculous" and dismissed it straight away. At least hopefully I will be able to do that in the future. I feel like I've learned a lot in the short space of time I've been on here on how to deal with OCD and it's really helped so thank you so much. Hopefully this is the start to me getting my life (and my mind!) back!

[PolarBear]

Perfect. You are on the right track.

[PinkPrincess1981]

So after feeling like I finally got myself into a good place my mental health has been really good over the past couple of months. I've now started CBT and I don't know if it's because I'm having to tell my therapist about all my obsessions and intrusive thoughts and it's bringing them to the forefront on my mind again but my anxiety has been through the roof and my intrusive thought about having committed a crime is back. I've been reading back my own advice and trying to follow it. I know what I need to do but I'm finding it really difficult not to pay any attention to the thought and ruminate and check my memories. I've only had 3 sessions of CBT and my anxiety is the worst it's ever been. Will this last the for the full 12 sessions? I feel kind of cheated as since Xmas I've actually been doing a lot better and now I feel like I've gone back to where I was before. I know therapy isn't easy but I can't bear the thought of feeling like this for the next several months. I keep telling myself that I don't need to go over the thought as I managed to get rid of it before by not giving it any attention but it's so hard, my mind keeps saying: "are you sure you don't need to check and make sure it really is nonsense?" I'm trying really hard to be strong. Has anyone else experienced this when starting therapy? My mind is saying: "why has it come back? It must mean something if it's back". Is it normal for intrusive thoughts to go and then come back at a later date?