OCD from slowing down a police car on a call

[Slowcoach]

So, I've had my more extreme OCD under control the last few months. I found Christmas and New Year extremely difficult due to being ill and having to work extra shifts and do freelance work. On my last day of work for a while I wanted to get a cycle ride in before my shift. I was exhausted from drinking way too much two nights before, and then drinking a bit too much the night before. I was sober but just exhausted. I came down a hill to turn right at a roundabout and noticed a police car with its lights flashing a little way back from the park gate. Thinking it was unlikely they would turn into the park, and feeling totally exhausted I made the lazy decision to carry on and turn right on a roundabout inside the park, instead of stopping and watching. As I rode away from the roundabout the police car came past me. So, by not stopping and instead turning on the roundabout I may have slowed them down on their way to an emergency. If I did it would only have been by seconds, but to me that feels so terrible, especially as I was so tired from overdoing the drinking which is stupid of me. I've tried contacting the police to see if they can tell me about the call, they said they can't tell me but I shouldn't worry. My Mum can't understand it at all and says I shouldn't worry.

[Slowcoach]

P.S. If anyone thinks it's not OCD and I should feel bad I don't mind hearing that

[SeaBreeze]

Hi SlowCoach,

Thanks for your post. I am sorry to hear of what happened but I do not think it is a major problem. I think this is more of a worry of going against personal values rather than OCD? That is, unless you did some compulsions or you are obsessing over this thought a lot. I am not sure as I am not a doctor but to me I see the main thing here is that you went against a personal value?

I also have a personal value to slow down and make way for ambulances, police etc. Not everyone does. Some people don't care.

I think the fact that you are worrying shows you care. I am not going to say whether you made a mistake or not and unfortunately you need to accept that the Police cannot give information out. You could look at it as though by contacting them over the phone continually, if that's the case, (for information), that they cannot help other people? 

It is about acceptance. It is what it is and you cannot change this. You know for next time to stop. 

Hope that helps. Sorry if any of this comes across as harsh, we do not want to give you re-assurance on this forum that everything is fine as this negates against tackling the OCD.

[Slowcoach]

Well, I think it is partly OCD as I ruminate a lot over it. I've had a lot of trouble with OCD in the past. I may try to contact the police again as it would help so much in this situation. It's also true that I went against personal values in the heat of the moment. Thanks for your response anyway. 

[AnxiousAnnie]

Dont contact the police again. That would be a compulsion

[ivybasil]

1 hour ago, Slowcoach said:

 I may try to contact the police again as it would help so much in this situation. 

It won't. OCD likes us to think that, and sure, it might help for a second if you get the reassurance you want but in the long run, it'll make things more difficult. 

Like @OnlyAlex said, your worry shows that this went against your personal values. You're holding yourself far too responsible for this situation. The best thing you can do is acknowledge that you feel anxious about this situation and then don't act on it. Don't call the police for reassurance. Leave the question unanswered. 

You can get through this.

[Slowcoach]

Just to add a bit more detail. I would ALWAYS slow down or stop for an emergency vehicle. What happened here is a little more complicated. I saw it on another roundabout outside the park and then went ahead and made my turn on a roundabout inside the park. A few seconds later the police car passed me. I don't know if I slowed the traffic down enough to slow the police car down, as it was behind me once I'd made my turn. It can't have been close to my roundabout or I'd have seen its lights. But that's where the ruminating comes in - can I work out if I slowed it down or not?

[PolarBear]

Do not contact the police again. Doing so once was a big compulsion. You ruminating is the other.

Let it go. Life's too short.

[ivybasil]

2 hours ago, Slowcoach said:

Just to add a bit more detail. I would ALWAYS slow down or stop for an emergency vehicle. What happened here is a little more complicated. I saw it on another roundabout outside the park and then went ahead and made my turn on a roundabout inside the park. A few seconds later the police car passed me. I don't know if I slowed the traffic down enough to slow the police car down, as it was behind me once I'd made my turn. It can't have been close to my roundabout or I'd have seen its lights. But that's where the ruminating comes in - can I work out if I slowed it down or not?

Ultimately, you'll never be as sure as OCD would like. You don't need to be.  

There's a thought record exercise I got from my therapist that I find useful. I don't have all the titles at hand right now but the three main points are the following: 

It asks me to consider 'why your thought might be true'  - make a list of all the reasons you think you worry might be true, basically all the things you've written here.

Second, list why it might not be true. Try and break out of this rumination by looking at it another way. List every reason you can that means you haven't slowed them down. You were a cyclist so likely an easy vehicle to overtake. They went by you because you weren't a big enough vehicle for them to need you to pull over. Does it matter if they had to pause a few seconds? No different to having to slow for a tractor to pull over, etc. Write all you can think of.

Next, try to figure out a more balanced response. For me, this is often 'this situation made me feel bad and like I'd like to perform a compulsion but the guilt comes from my OCD and is not a proportionate response to the situation. I don't need to respond to that feeling and it is okay to dismiss this'. Something like that

Perhaps this is an exercise that might help you break out of ruminating about this?

[paradoxer]

7 hours ago, Slowcoach said:

P.S. If anyone thinks it's not OCD and I should feel bad I don't mind hearing that

Your 'dilemma' is complete rubbish, don't analyse it, don't tarry with it, toss it in the bin of irrelevance. And move on.