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OCD around rushing round - Emergency ED


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Hi everyone,

I know this forum is really supportive but I struggle with bluntness and get very upset, especially as I've recently lost a friend and my parents are away on holiday.

I am looking for support. I know you can't all give re-assurance, but I hope everyone can be kind. :)

So basically, on a website a couple of days ago someone was verbally abusive to me and I got really upset. I also got upset with the moderator because I hadn't done anything wrong and I was getting told I may be suspended in future. The moderator was really nice to begin with and then changed their mind. Anyway, in the end the other user got suspended and I was allowed to stay because I hadn't done anything wrong. I got very emotional though and cross and agitated in my head. 

Then yesterday I was going to have a clam day because that threw me over the edge and my parents are away and without support from there I really struggle. 

I used my tips I had learnt to try and stay out of crisis but I really wanted to clean and do my perfectionism OCD routine which takes about 9-12 hours. I managed to resit.

Yesterday I woke up, went to have a bath and then I got a telephone call from my Gran's emergency telephone line saying that she cannot see out of her right eye. I rung Mum and she said I need to take her to the eye casualty. I felt really upset and annoyed to begin with. My auntie was supposed to come down from America for two weeks to look after my Gran but she changed it to three days later from when she was due to arrive. My Gran is having this eye problem because she doesn't put her drops in. I drive down and put them in for her as much as possible. My sister lives right next door but refuses to help. Anyway, I was supposed to see the GP to get some mental health team support. I had to cancel this and was upset and feel guilty for thinking I want to go to my appointment.

I raced down to see my Gran telling her to get dressed and she was happily eating breakfast which made me a little upset. I went and got change - £10 in change for car parking and then we went to the eye casualty. I managed to park fine and then we went in. We were in there for 7 hours. I was so bored, hungry, had no drinks because I had to be with Gran at all times just in case they called her in. I do feel very sorry for my Gran but I was left with it all.

Then it was raining and dark and I went to get the car and the car parking came to £12! I didn't have that in change and the card machine was down so I had to go back in to the hospital and buy something and get change that did accept cards. I told my Gran to wait under the canope and she didn't. So when I came to pick her up with the car I stopped next to her without looking and I had stopped where the ambulances go! An ambulance managed to get past me but looked at me really angrily and I feel so bad now. I feel really upset. My zippers on my coat also got stuck in the fabric as I was in such a rush as my Gran was waiting in the rain. We managed to get home and then the pharmacy didn't have half of the new drops and they're all different times, sometimes 6x a day and different eyes. 

I was running around trying to make a plan in the pharmacy and then I went to get some dinner for myself and shoved any old ready meal in my bag. Is that bad?

Finally managed to come up with a plan. My sister was cross with me for having to go in and do some eye drops and was cross with me but I had spent the whole day trying to sort things out! 

I didn't get home until 10pm and then my sister messaged me all cross saying why did she have to do bits and pieces etc.

I felt very distressed and wanted to self harm. I've managed to get over my self harm urges but now I am struggling with wanting to do my OCD compulsions.

I realise doing them changes nothing, it doesn't change the situation. But it does make me feel better. I am too tired though to do them. I had to take the day off to relax and try and get back on track and I am feeling better overall. Just the OCD kicks in.

I've missed an OCD group, mental health support and appointments and so have lost out on all support for me.

Sorry to go on. I feel guilty for feeling annoyed at first with my Gran, because I haven't got any help to help me through this all - I didn't understand what the doctors were saying and I didn't get time to address the concerns from the previous day about the abuse. 

I have a funeral on Saturday of my best friend and it's all too much. All these thoughts in my head, I can't address one at a time which I need to do and accept! 

Any kind advice would be appreciated.

Sorry to go on! 

Thanks :) 

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Hey Alex,

Sounds like you had a pretty bad day.

The days that would be bad even for non-sufferers (and this sounds like it qualifies) feel so much worse when you have OCD.

The key here is to understand you had a bad day full of different varied emotions which caused you to act a specific way and hold a specific idea about what was going on around you.

There will be more bad days like this unfortunately, and with OCD it might feel extra hard but the rules to tackling it remain unchanged.

- Dont do compulsions as a result of this emotionally draining day.

- Dont go over the day in your head and focus on all the negatives, leave it be.

- Focus on the tools you've learned about OCD an implement them as you move forward.

Chin up :)

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Sorry to be blunt, but I reckon you have handled a rubbish day pretty well!.

Elderly relatives can be "challenging", and even if it's not Thier fault, don't feel too guilty about being annoyed.

I have live with elderly parents, and they can drive me up the wall. But you are allowed to be annoyed with your family, it doesn't mean you don't love them.

And let's face it you have had to deal with a list of the most irritating things , bad weather, hospitals, parking, etc

Just getting my Zip jammed up would send me into a flat spin.

So it's been a terrible day but you have done really well.

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Oh yeah, people on the internet....

There is very little empathy out there, most trolls don't even feel they are dealing with people, just an avatar.

While this is unpleasant behaviour, take some comfort from the knowledge that most of the time it's not personal, it can't be they don't know you.

They are just angry people shouting at passing clouds.

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23 hours ago, BM94 said:

Hey Alex,

Sounds like you had a pretty bad day.

The days that would be bad even for non-sufferers (and this sounds like it qualifies) feel so much worse when you have OCD.

The key here is to understand you had a bad day full of different varied emotions which caused you to act a specific way and hold a specific idea about what was going on around you.

There will be more bad days like this unfortunately, and with OCD it might feel extra hard but the rules to tackling it remain unchanged.

- Dont do compulsions as a result of this emotionally draining day.

- Dont go over the day in your head and focus on all the negatives, leave it be.

- Focus on the tools you've learned about OCD an implement them as you move forward.

Chin up :)

Thank you for the support and advice, that's really helpful! Thanks :) 

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4 hours ago, Closed for repairs said:

Sorry to be blunt, but I reckon you have handled a rubbish day pretty well!.

Elderly relatives can be "challenging", and even if it's not Thier fault, don't feel too guilty about being annoyed.

I have live with elderly parents, and they can drive me up the wall. But you are allowed to be annoyed with your family, it doesn't mean you don't love them.

And let's face it you have had to deal with a list of the most irritating things , bad weather, hospitals, parking, etc

Just getting my Zip jammed up would send me into a flat spin.

So it's been a terrible day but you have done really well.

Thank you for this, it means a lot. Indeed, both the zips on my jacket need fixing! Thanks for being there :)

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