My 2020 plan

[leif]

In a thread about whether we are ready to make some changes for 2020, I said yes. Somebody asked what my plan for that was. Good question.

At this point my OCD isn't terrible. 

Laundry takes longer, I throw more things in the garbage than i need to, I use bleach too often, I avoid a bunch of things that other people don't.

So it is there making a lot of things a little bit harder but overall I get around in my day to day life OK.

One thing I do find especially inconvenient is feeling unable/uncomfortable using toilets that aren't my own. I have been slowly challenging that but sporadically. So presently I'm at the point where I can use a public toilet if it looks pretty clean. That's not too bad, but I do notice that I'll avoid a stall and then someone else goes and uses it, which indicates that my standards are obviously too high (also sometimes I'll go from public washroom to public washroom unable to find one that I find OK.)

I've started several times trying to approach this, have gotten support here n the forum around it, but I'm still stuck.

Ok So that's where I am.

So where do I want to be with all this come 2021? 

I would love to be how i was pre-contamination OCD. That is, use public washrooms, and other people's home washrooms with hardly a thought about it. 

So back to what would be my plan to get to that place again.

Well ideally i think I would/should use a public toilet every day.

That feels hard for me to commit to. But I will consider further and try to see if that seems reasonable. For a while i will post here to comment on my progress. Maybe too I could look at some of my other more minor OCD issues to see if I could approach those in hopes to get closer to using toilets. 

So that's the plan.

If anyone else wants to join me in challenging their own ocd issue here, that might be fun--maybe we could support each other.

[Terriblethoughts]

That sounds like a solid plan to me. Wishing you the best of luck with it . Currently I can hardly use my own bathroom without excessive toilet paper and covering the seat with it which is embarrassing. I’m getting a little better at touching door handles though. I’m trying improve to touch them without washing hands after or grabbing them with my sleeve for now. Then I’ll move on to the other stuff. I hate how annoying this is. The thoughts are way worse for me but I figure working on this would be good too? I should work my way from small to bigger right? Also do I work on the contamination and germs before I work on the thoughts or should I do both at the same time? Thanks everyone who replies and leif I’ll try to remember to check this thread sometimes to encourage and update. 

[leif]

@Terriblethoughts

Nice to have you on board! And I really appreciate your support  I used to have a very hard time using my own washroom as well so can relate. As I say things are much better for me nowadays but gotta keep at it.

I've been told (or maybe read) that when you have a couple of different themes best to decide which to work on first---and then yes, as you mention, working at a manageable pace using a hierarchy. But along with this using cognitive work to help the process. 

What kind of help have you gotten? Have you had CBT for OCD? Do you work with any self-help books? Have you done work using a hierarchy?

For me I did most of my work through using a book and learned about how to do hierarchies through that.

I guess I will post a goal for myself for tomorrow to use a public bathroom. I'll let you know how it goes!

[Terriblethoughts]

Unfortunately I haven’t gotten any help other than on here because I’ve been busy with life and obsessing all the time. It also seems very scary to get help but I’m planning on doing it sometime soon. 

Thanks for answering my question appreciate it. Will start off with the door handles then and try to be mindful. I haven’t read any books on it yet or done much work really tbh but I’ll have to do that.

Hope you accomplish your goal tomorrow!  

[leif]

23 hours ago, Terriblethoughts said:

Unfortunately I haven’t gotten any help other than on here because I’ve been busy with life and obsessing all the time. It also seems very scary to get help but I’m planning on doing it sometime soon. 

The self help books for OCD are nice if that's your sort of thing. You can do it at your own pace in your own time...It can be a little overwhelming at first but if you take your time to just read through it first, it starts to make sense and gives you really good tools to work on the OCD

I'm very sorry to report that i failed on my first challenge to use a public washroom! Today was  just one of those crazy days and I couldn't fit an exposure in...will try again tomorrow.

I did have some natural exposures to "contamination" just going about my day though.

Did you do any work with the door handles?

[BelAnna]

On 08/01/2020 at 23:10, leif said:

In a thread about whether we are ready to make some changes for 2020, I said yes. Somebody asked what my plan for that was. Good question.

At this point my OCD isn't terrible. 

Laundry takes longer, I throw more things in the garbage than i need to, I use bleach too often, I avoid a bunch of things that other people don't.

So it is there making a lot of things a little bit harder but overall I get around in my day to day life OK.

One thing I do find especially inconvenient is feeling unable/uncomfortable using toilets that aren't my own. I have been slowly challenging that but sporadically. So presently I'm at the point where I can use a public toilet if it looks pretty clean. That's not too bad, but I do notice that I'll avoid a stall and then someone else goes and uses it, which indicates that my standards are obviously too high (also sometimes I'll go from public washroom to public washroom unable to find one that I find OK.)

I've started several times trying to approach this, have gotten support here n the forum around it, but I'm still stuck.

Ok So that's where I am.

So where do I want to be with all this come 2021? 

I would love to be how i was pre-contamination OCD. That is, use public washrooms, and other people's home washrooms with hardly a thought about it. 

So back to what would be my plan to get to that place again.

Well ideally i think I would/should use a public toilet every day.

That feels hard for me to commit to. But I will consider further and try to see if that seems reasonable. For a while i will post here to comment on my progress. Maybe too I could look at some of my other more minor OCD issues to see if I could approach those in hopes to get closer to using toilets. 

So that's the plan.

If anyone else wants to join me in challenging their own ocd issue here, that might be fun--maybe we could support each other.

Sounds like a great plan Leif! You've done amazingly well already so I'm sure you can achieve this! 

[leif]

8 hours ago, BelAnna said:

Sounds like a great plan Leif! You've done amazingly well already so I'm sure you can achieve this! 

Thanks for your vote of confidence Belanna!

[Terriblethoughts]

@leif Definitely going to pick up a book soon thank you for the advice. We all have those crazy days I’m sure you’ll get it done next time Also the contamination going about your day is good too.

I did actually wash my hands less. I didn’t touch the bathroom door handle unfortunately but I touched the tap without washing after. Although I grabbed a back part of it where less people touch so it doesn’t count fully but it’s still better than before. 

[leif]

6 hours ago, Terriblethoughts said:

I did actually wash my hands less. I didn’t touch the bathroom door handle unfortunately but I touched the tap without washing after. Although I grabbed a back part of it where less people touch so it doesn’t count fully but it’s still better than before. 

That's great! Every step we take toward defeating OCD is a step in the right direction. And it's really good to decide to do something like that on a daily basis.

I just about came home without using a public washroom again, but when I thought about posting that I hadn't achieved it, it made me go out of my way to do it. My anxiety was pretty much nil as the toilet looked reasonably clean. Funny though, I avoided one stall that I thought looked obviously messy and yet someone else just went on in with apparently not a thought about it!

My other issue in public washrooms is I tend to over-wash my hands, wanting to use 3 rounds of soap. That makes me extra tense then when someone else comes in while I'm washing as I'm aware it would look very excessive and strange. I did get away with just using 2 rounds of soap even though it made me a bit nervous doing that as I needed to pick up groceries right after and like to think my hands are clean for that...anyhow got it all done!

I remember how anxious just using a public toilet at all used to be so it's nice to note how this is getting better!

 

 

[Terriblethoughts]

@leif Very well done glad you were able to do it and glad the thread helped. The thread also reminds me to keep trying as well. 

Lol I know exactly what you mean feeling tense cause you’re washing your hands excessively or doing some other odd behaviour and someone’s watching you. 2 rounds is an improvement though so that’s good! Let’s keep it up.
 

 

Edited January 11, 2020 by Terriblethoughts

[leif]

 

22 hours ago, Terriblethoughts said:

Lol I know exactly what you mean feeling tense cause you’re washing your hands excessively or doing some other odd behaviour and someone’s watching you.

Yes I remember when I was first just trying to get to the point where I could just wash my hands in a public bathroom. Once I was stuck there washing and washing and the cleaning person came in and gave me the strangest look. haha

Well I used the public one again today and made myself do just one round of soap. I've been noticing I've been taking longer washing my hands at home too so I'm getting that back down to just one round of soap too.

My other thing I need to do is use different public bathrooms as I know I've just decided this is a particularly good one. Mostly clean, often no one else in there.

22 hours ago, Terriblethoughts said:

The thread also reminds me to keep trying as well. 

Excellent. Yes let's keep at it!

[malina]

Hey Leif,

it sounds like you're really making a big effort here and I'm certain that it will reap big rewards! I'm with you on this one, I think we have been on the same page in our OCD recovery for a while. I too am feeling better, but don't want to settle for just being "better"! Well, one of my big struggles is being alone, but I just managed to travel abroad by myself for 3 days!! It was for work so I didn't have much choice, but it wasn't awful at all. Now my big challenge is to be comfortable at home alone, somehow that is more difficult (not sure why). So today I'm working from home, it's challenging but I have about 4-5 more hours by myself here so it'll be good practice. 

 

[BelAnna]

On 11/01/2020 at 02:14, leif said:

That's great! Every step we take toward defeating OCD is a step in the right direction. And it's really good to decide to do something like that on a daily basis.

I just about came home without using a public washroom again, but when I thought about posting that I hadn't achieved it, it made me go out of my way to do it. My anxiety was pretty much nil as the toilet looked reasonably clean. Funny though, I avoided one stall that I thought looked obviously messy and yet someone else just went on in with apparently not a thought about it!

My other issue in public washrooms is I tend to over-wash my hands, wanting to use 3 rounds of soap. That makes me extra tense then when someone else comes in while I'm washing as I'm aware it would look very excessive and strange. I did get away with just using 2 rounds of soap even though it made me a bit nervous doing that as I needed to pick up groceries right after and like to think my hands are clean for that...anyhow got it all done!

I remember how anxious just using a public toilet at all used to be so it's nice to note how this is getting better!

 

 

I'm inspired by you Leif- that's brilliant that you coped with using public loos again. 

I would like to get to a place where I can use service station loos again and not just have 'hold it' on long journeys so that's my goal by the end of 2020!

Edited January 13, 2020 by BelAnna

[leif]

14 hours ago, malina said:

Hey Leif,

it sounds like you're really making a big effort here and I'm certain that it will reap big rewards! I'm with you on this one, I think we have been on the same page in our OCD recovery for a while. I too am feeling better, but don't want to settle for just being "better"! Well, one of my big struggles is being alone, but I just managed to travel abroad by myself for 3 days!! It was for work so I didn't have much choice, but it wasn't awful at all. Now my big challenge is to be comfortable at home alone, somehow that is more difficult (not sure why). So today I'm working from home, it's challenging but I have about 4-5 more hours by myself here so it'll be good practice. 

 

Hey malina, 

That's amazing you travelled abroad for 3 days by yourself! So great! A big congrats to you! Nice to have that big success and then to keep building on it as you are doing in choosing to challenge yourself to work from home. Keep up the great work. I hope we can support each other to keep making more gains in our recovery!

 

4 hours ago, BelAnna said:

I would like to get to a place where I can use service station loos again and not just have 'hold it' on long journeys so that's my goal by the end of 2020!

Awesome! yes let's do this!

I didn't use a public washroom yesterday as I was nowhere near one, but today got back to it. I'm trying to not get used to just using the same one, but when i went to use a different one, something triggered me and i ended up going to the one I normally use...oh well. My anxiety levels went to about 20 but it did come down quickly afterward.

 

[Closed for repairs]

7 hours ago, leif said:

I didn't use a public washroom yesterday as I was nowhere near one, but today got back to it. I'm trying to not get used to just using the same one, but when i went to use a different one, something triggered me and i ended up going to the one I normally use...oh well. My anxiety levels went to about 20 but it did come down quickly afterward.

That sounds pretty good, if using different washrooms is too hard to start with, try using different stalls in the one you use, try to increase the "grottiness" level for example the stall you rejected the other day but some one else used it.

[BelAnna]

8 hours ago, leif said:

Hey malina, 

That's amazing you travelled abroad for 3 days by yourself! So great! A big congrats to you! Nice to have that big success and then to keep building on it as you are doing in choosing to challenge yourself to work from home. Keep up the great work. I hope we can support each other to keep making more gains in our recovery!

 

Awesome! yes let's do this!

I didn't use a public washroom yesterday as I was nowhere near one, but today got back to it. I'm trying to not get used to just using the same one, but when i went to use a different one, something triggered me and i ended up going to the one I normally use...oh well. My anxiety levels went to about 20 but it did come down quickly afterward.

 

Is it maybe because the one you normally use is starting to feel safe? Maybe that's a positive thing because eventually all public loos will feel safe! 

For CBT yesterday I had to walk slowly up and down the corridor at the CMHT with my Psychologist; it sounds daft but there's a loo in the corridor so it involved walking close-ish to it. There's also an element of social anxiety for me so I tend to rush out of the building as quickly as possible and actually found walking slowly anxiety-provoking. I hate going to the CMHT anyway because it's next to the Medical Practice and I'm always scared as there's sometimes (well very very occasionally) puke or blood close to the entrance door! 

[leif]

On 14/01/2020 at 03:40, Closed for repairs said:

That sounds pretty good, if using different washrooms is too hard to start with, try using different stalls in the one you use, try to increase the "grottiness" level for example the stall you rejected the other day but some one else used it.

Yes I really need to start using other stalls etc. I did use a different stall the other day but more because the one I usually use wasn't clean. So not the right reason but it did feel challenging to use a different one and my anxiety did go up which is what I need to aim for to continue progress.

On 14/01/2020 at 04:17, BelAnna said:

Is it maybe because the one you normally use is starting to feel safe? Maybe that's a positive thing because eventually all public loos will feel safe! 

Yes exactly I've become habituated to the one I've been using so I need to try some others!

 

On 14/01/2020 at 04:17, BelAnna said:

For CBT yesterday I had to walk slowly up and down the corridor at the CMHT with my Psychologist; it sounds daft but there's a loo in the corridor so it involved walking close-ish to it. There's also an element of social anxiety for me so I tend to rush out of the building as quickly as possible and actually found walking slowly anxiety-provoking. I hate going to the CMHT anyway because it's next to the Medical Practice and I'm always scared as there's sometimes (well very very occasionally) puke or blood close to the entrance door! 

That is really great. i'm so glad for you that you are getting on with CBT and making some progress with it! Have you finished drawing up your hierarchies that you were working on Belanna?

I've had some various challenging situations this past week contamination-wise and I'm fairly happy with how I've been handling it. All this work really does pay off when we see how life gets easier in the long-term. I haven't had the chance to use public washrooms for the past couple of days but will get back to it soon.

 

[malina]

I think you have a good new goal here to try and use a different stall even when the one you normally use is in good and clean condition. That seems like a workable goal!