Compulsion city.

[californiadreaming]

Hi all. Recently, California passed a consumer privacy act and I've gone NUTS asking for data from every company I've interacted with to see if I cheated on my husband. 

I'm mainly looking for any cell phone or location data. I've called a cell phone company 5x to confirm they only give you the last 12 months of information, but it's not good enough for my OCD. What if they're wrong? What if I misheard them? What if they didn't understand me?

I'm going nuts and I'm so depressed. I've lost about 5 lbs in one week and I can't even look my new husband in the eye just in case there is something in these reports. I'm so scared I'm going to get these data reports and see location information that pins me at the ex's house and have to confess. 

I'm going back to therapy, but I just can't stop. I'm so upset. 

[PolarBear]

And yet, you have to stop.

I know the urge to do these meaningless compulsions is strong, but you've got to know that they don't do any good. 

You've done all this work lately. Has your situation improved? Are you any closer to an answer? No. You are right where you were before you started this latest round of compulsions, though likely feeling worse.

Keep it up and you'll just sink further down the rabbit hole of misery.

[californiadreaming]

Are they meaningless if there's actually data in there, though?

I did request data from one entity and found some old data in there that I thought I deleted which sent me down a spiral, unfortunately.

[PolarBear]

You've been on this for years. Are you any further ahead? No! Think about it!

This will go on for years more, if you let it. Right now you are letting OCD have its way.

[californiadreaming]

I know. I hear ya. My husband just tells me to delete them because it's useless, but I just want to be sure. 

I know it can get truly ridiculous because there's TONS of data points out there. I'll always find a new one if I keep on letting this go. 

[PolarBear]

"I just want to be sure."

Listen to me. No matter how much data you collect and analyze, you will NEVER be sure. Think about that.

OCD will not let you have certainty. Searching for it is a trap. 

[californiadreaming]

OK, let's say I *do* actually find something. Then what do I do?

[PolarBear]

Let me flip that around. What if you spend 20 years searching and still find nothing? Because you're about 10% there already.

[californiadreaming]

That is also a possibility. I just can't shake the fear of actually finding something.

[PolarBear]

The fear will dissipate the longer you don't do compulsions.