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Should I tell family I have ocd?


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Hello, I’m not sure if I should tell my family what I’m dealing with. I’ve always been absolutely terrible at telling people anything or opening up except sometimes to people who I don’t really know like on here. I do really appreciate you guys though, thank you. I don’t know why maybe it’s just in my nature not say anything and deal with stuff on my own or maybe it’s ocd or depression I’m not really sure. I’m 19 so I should be responsible for my own mental health and problems and I don’t want to stress my parents out with this but I’m kind of feeling completely awful a lot of the time and might need help. I’ve heard people say “ocd is my curse it doesn’t need to affect anyone else” and maybe they’re right bc this is really scary. I’m curious if anyone has any experience telling their family about their ocd. What do you all think should I tell them or not? It could very likely stress them out a lot and maybe they would blame themselves which I really don’t want.

Edited by Terriblethoughts
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If you're anything like me they may well know something is wrong anyway, even if they don't know the nature of it. 

I think it sort of depends what relationship you have your parents and what you feel comfortable telling them. My parents know and I speak to my mum about it regularly when im struggling and I'm in my 30s. 

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Hi TerribleThoughts

You mentioned that you are responsible for your own mental health-- whilst it's true that you are responsible for looking after your own mental health, living with mental health conditions like OCD can be a lot more challenging without support, including the support of your loved ones. 

You also mentioned that you are 19, implying that you believe that by 19 years old, you should be able to manage your own mental health. Many people never learn how to look after themselves and that is without the added pressure of living with a mental health condition. 

It sounds like you are somebody who cares very deeply about those around you, including your parents. I am interested to know what you would want your parents to do or your family to do, if they had a mental health condition and they were wondering whether to open up to you.

I know that personally, I would want to know if somebody I loved was struggling. 

It is great that you are somebody who wants to put others first but remember that you is are just as worthy of your own love. You have the right to open up to others, you are not a burden for doing so and you are not responsible for the way that others may or not react.

I'm guessing that you wouldn't expect those around you to suffer in silence and neither should you ?

HandWasher 

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Thank you for the reply @AnxiousAnnie. Yeah I think they might know or wonder a little that I’m not always doing great but I’m not sure bc I always hide it. I’m not super comfortable telling anyone anything but I think at this point I have to. It’s nice to hear you’ve told your parents and they’re good with it. Hopefully it’ll be the same for me.

 

Edited by Terriblethoughts
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Hey @HandWasher really appreciate the reply. No I wouldn’t want any of them to suffer in silence but imagine not knowing anything about ocd then someone tells you they have the fear of being a pedophile etc and a bunch of other terrible things. I just don’t know how I would react if I didn’t understand ocd. I think they do know I’m ocd a little bc of hand washing and obvious ticks I used to do when I was younger so that might help a little. Thing is I don’t think many people including them know about the other kinds of ocd like intrusive thoughts. I guess I’ll just have to try and explain it to them. Thanks again for the reply!

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Thank you for replying @Closed for repairs

You’re right I need to make the choice it’s making me lose sleep cause I’m so anxious and debating.

Honestly I usually hide it quite well other than hand washing so I actually don’t think they know the extent of it at all. Like if I’m obsessing all day or feeling completely terrible I’ll just say I’m doing work or on my phone and act normal when I see them. So it’ll probably be a huge shock when they hear it :( 

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Hey @Terriblethoughts

I think that families are there to support each other, through good and bad times. Even though you may be an adult, part of being responsible for your own mental health is reaching out for help and support when you need it, not trying to deal with everything on your own. I was diagnosed with OCD when I was your age and my family helped me through that really tough period. It took them a while to understand and to learn how to support me, at first they found it hard to understand why I was struggling so much and thought that I could just snap out of it. This caused a lot of conflict but we talked through it a lot and we are in a good place now, I'm in my 30s and they are still a big source of support for me. I think you should be open but be prepared that it may possibly take them a while to understand, if that happens, don't get frustrated with them and try to understand that is is a process for them as much as it is for you. I hope this helps. 

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16 hours ago, Terriblethoughts said:

Hey @HandWasher really appreciate the reply. No I wouldn’t want any of them to suffer in silence but imagine not knowing anything about ocd then someone tells you they have the fear of being a pedophile etc and a bunch of other terrible things. I just don’t know how I would react if I didn’t understand ocd. I think they do know I’m ocd a little bc of hand washing and obvious ticks I used to do when I was younger so that might help a little. Thing is I don’t think many people including them know about the other kinds of ocd like intrusive thoughts. I guess I’ll just have to try and explain it to them. Thanks again for the reply!

It makes total sense to me that you wouldn't want to go from them not knowing that you have OCD and not even knowing about OCD to sharing your intrusive thoughts with them. I think that it's good that you are aware that not everyone is aware of intrusive thoughts, what they are and how they affect people. 

Maybe you could gradually let them know that you have OCD, share your intrusive thoughts with those who you know will understand and then, in time, share them with your loved ones, that is if you want to ?

I hope that you are well- sending positive vibes to you! 

HandWasher

Edited by HandWasher
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Hi @Terriblethoughts, it can be scary telling others about our OCD, its a very personal problem and misunderstood by a lot of people, but it can also be extremely helpful to have outside support to turn to, especially from people you are close to and can trust.  While not everyone has understanding and supportive families, I think most people do, so you are more likely than not going to benefit from having your parents/etc. on your side and more informed than in the dark. 
 

22 hours ago, Terriblethoughts said:

but imagine not knowing anything about ocd then someone tells you they have the fear of being a pedophile etc and a bunch of other terrible things.

Yeah, that could be a bit of a hard pill to swallow all at once, but as others have mentioned, you don't have to share all the details to help them understand the basics of OCD and what you are struggling with.  It might help to share some fears you have that you think they'll be able to understand better.  For example fear of getting ill, fear of a loved one being hurt, fear of forgetting to turn off the stove and a fire starting etc.  If/when you feel comfortable sharing some of your more, personal/possibly misunderstood fears then you can do that later.  You might also focus more on how OCD affects you and how you worry, rather than spending too much time on the specific worry details.  After all the real problem with OCD isn't the specific worries themselves, but the malfunctioning mental process at work.
 

On 12/01/2020 at 15:45, Terriblethoughts said:

I’m 19 so I should be responsible for my own mental health and problems and I don’t want to stress my parents out with this but I’m kind of feeling completely awful a lot of the time and might need help.

19 might mean legal adulthood, but its a far cry from being totally independent for most people.  I definitely wasn't at that point at 19!  Heck I'm twice that age now and STILL go to my parents for advice :)  Its kind that you don't want to stress them out, but my guess is they'd want to help you if they knew you were in trouble, just like you'd want to help them.  Thats what family is for after all, to love and support each other (ideally).  Trust them and yourself.

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All really good advice here and I don't have anything to add. Just want to say that yes we all do need support no matter our age.

I like people's ideas of moving into opening up slowly (and selectively) if that feels more comfortable. I don't share the details of all of my intrusive thoughts with my family. I save that stuff for my health professionals that I came to trust over time ( and even then I may not share everything all the time). But my family was key in giving me crucial support that I needed. They've seen me through terrible times with this illness and I don't feel they ever completely understood all the ins and outs of the disorder, but they were/are there and  did what they could to help me get the proper help I needed. 

Wishing you all the best

 

Edited by leif
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7 hours ago, leif said:

All really good advice here and I don't have anything to add. Just want to say that yes we all do need support no matter our age.

Absolutely, after all we are all responsible for our health in general, never mind mental health, but I'd go to the doctor if I broke my leg, and rely on friends and family to help me cope.

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