TV Drama - Triggers False Memory OCD.

[O Neg]

Good Morning Fellow Inmates,

I am in the process of having a sleepless night, the first for quite a few weeks. The reason I am so stressed and anxious is because of a TV drama my wife and I were watching last evening. As most of you probably know 'Call The Mid-wife' is quite a gentle BBC historic drama. However, due to a scene in the programme I am really suffering. The scene, which only lasted a few seconds was of a mother and mid-wife with a baby. The mother affectionately strokes the baby as any loving mother would. However my perception of this is quite different. To me the mother is being inappropriate with the new born. Not only that, but some how my mind has created a false memory about when I was looking after a family baby around 15 years ago. Now I know that this memory is absolute rubbish, because if I had been inappropriate I would have known about it long before now. This is false memory OCD messing with my mind due to my false perception of a TV programme scene, I know that. My wife (bless her) has told me that the scene was not inappropriate in any way. It was just the way that I saw it.

I know some members will accuse me of posting because I have a slight anxiety spike and that it will pass, but this anxiety is the real deal. I don't think I have ever felt anything like it.  

[dksea]

30 minutes ago, O Neg said:

but this anxiety is the real deal.

The anxiety we feel from OCD is always real, but that doesn't mean its meaningful.  You've said yourself that you recognize how irrational this is, you've gotten reassurance from your wife that there was nothing wrong (and even if the scene was of something "bad" happening, its not real.  I'm certainly sorry you are feeling anxious, but understand that talking to your wife, posting here, those are all compulsions.  Sometimes we are overwhelmed.  Sometimes despite our best efforts we give in to compulsions, that's not the end of the world.  But you need to accept that that is what this was.  That the level of anxiety you feel doesn't change that this is OCD, it doesn't mean that doing a compulsion was the "right" choice (though again, understandable).

Again I sympathize, I've been there, I have had intrusive thoughts that have lead to panic attacks (would not recommend).  Its not easy, but the best thing you can do is to continue to treat this as just another intrusive thought.  It sucks that you felt such intense anxiety, but trust me when I say that doesn't mean the thought is more "real" or more "important" or anything.  Its still just a thought.  You'll be ok.

[paradoxer]

3 hours ago, O Neg said:

I know some members will accuse me of posting because I have a slight anxiety spike and that it will pass, but this anxiety is the real deal. I don't think I have ever felt anything like it.  

And what does that say about the other postings - that they weren't the real deal? You know what to do, approach this 'fear' with the appropriate contempt.

And a bit of levity doesn't do any harm either, well done. We don't want the inmates running this asylum. Though they probably do. 

[O Neg]

Thanks for your responses dksea and paradoxer. With regard to the level of anxiety, my other posts showed a level of anxiety, but this appeared to be greater, that is what I am trying to say.

Edited January 14, 2020 by O Neg
Additional text.

[Closed for repairs]

Sorry you are going through it.

If you think about it it's only natural for this thing to make you more anxious than some of the others, after all if it happened it is a lot worse than the some of your other obsessions.

How ever it didn't happen so you don't need to worry about it anymore than all those other things that didn't happen.

OCD picks away at your core beliefs, and things that are important to you, With you that appears to be love for your family, and an aversion to harming anyone even slightly, plus I expect the fear that you might be a "Bad Person".

This thing ticks all those boxes in a big way, setting off all your brains warning systems

Thing is it's a lie , didn't happen, false alarm,

Go and dig the Veg patch, it's a horrible day weather wise and if you are going to be miserable you may as well have a reason.

Not got a veg patch, (don't blame you very frustrating, (rabbits)), get a hobby (mindfulness is a hobby for people who don't like hobbies)

 

[O Neg]

Thanks Closed for repairs. It's strange that this started last night. My anxiety has usually calmed down by now, usually replaced by something else. As my wife says, 'If it wasn't this it would be something else!' She, as usual is absolutely right. I hope it will pass.

[dksea]

15 hours ago, O Neg said:

With regard to the level of anxiety, my other posts showed a level of anxiety, but this appeared to be greater, that is what I am trying to say.

Yup, and that sucks, truly I sympathize.  I'm here to tell you that the level of anxiety you feel has no impact on the actual "realness" of the threat.  Its still OCD.

You can feel in danger and be perfectly safe.
You can feel perfectly safe and be in mortal danger.

How you feel does not change what the level of danger is.
 

13 hours ago, O Neg said:

As my wife says, 'If it wasn't this it would be something else!' She, as usual is absolutely right. I hope it will pass.

Yup, probably true.  Had you been watching a different show you very well could have had a similar moment of panic and associated it with that show instead.  Trust your wife.  Treat this as just another frustrating but meaningless OCD moment.