Obsessed and can't stop.

[californiadreaming]

I'm going through a horrible time.

I'm obsessed with getting data records from different companies. I've called one company over 20 times asking the same question. Written down the answer. Still don't believe it. They're getting annoyed with my calls and I'm embarrassed but I can't stop. 

[Handy]

So don’t call. 

[PolarBear]

Cali, you must realize that every time you call, every time you look at the data you have, you are feeding your disorder. You are making your situation worse. 

And no matter how many compulsions you do, you won't find the answer you seek. You'll make your anxiety and your doubt worse.

You must stop. There is no such thing as can't. You can and you must. And you don't just need to stop the calls; you need to shred/delete the data you already have or you'll be going over it again and again, and for no good.

The thoughts you have that you cheated are not a memory and they are not real. They are a figment of your imagination. 

Do the right thing. It will be painful for a few days but that will pass.

[paradoxer]

CD, Don't let an inane random 'OK this'll do it this time to cause her distress' disorder make you act like a fool. You know its game plan, get back in the driver's seat.  

[malina]

Hi CD, I think you need to do a risk assessment here. I'm not sure exactly what it is that you're afraid of with these companies but ask yourself this - what is the bigger risk here, that something bad will happen because of their data or that you will continue to suffer because of OCD? I'd say that the OCD is far worse than any data breach or whatever your concern is. So, maybe you need to accept that there is a small risk regarding your data and try to let it go because the far bigger risk here is that pursuing this is damaging your mental health. You can stop, you just have to be strict with yourself. 

[californiadreaming]

Malina, I’m afraid there’s data that says I cheated on my husband.

[Closed for repairs]

No there will be a list of numbers and times that can be interpreted in many different ways.

It won't be enough for the OCD, it never is.

[malina]

3 hours ago, californiadreaming said:

Malina, I’m afraid there’s data that says I cheated on my husband.

It doesn’t matter. The fact remains the same. You know you have OCD and that OCD is driving your fear. If you continue to search for evidence, you are running a big risk of not recovering. On the other hand, the chances of you finding conclusive evidence either way are extremely minimal.

So what is the logical thing to do here?

[californiadreaming]

I'm so miserable. I can't stop calling and getting conflicting information which makes me more confused.

[malina]

2 hours ago, californiadreaming said:

I'm so miserable. I can't stop calling and getting conflicting information which makes me more confused.

That is exactly it, you're looking at random bits of information that will never ever tell you anything conclusive to say whether or not you cheated on your husband, how is a company even supposed to have information about something like that? 

Even if you did get conclusive evidence that you did not cheat on your husband, the OCD would make you dismiss it because another "what if" would come into play. The only way to stop being miserable is to stop calling. You just stop, don't do it. When you have the urge to call, just take a deep breath and try to engage in something else.

I have been where you are and I can tell you that this is just a spiral that will make things worse. You have to step back and try to stop this. 

[californiadreaming]

Thank you, Malina. Sometimes I just need some tough love.

[malina]

55 minutes ago, californiadreaming said:

Thank you, Malina. Sometimes I just need some tough love.

No worries. I really do know how you’re feeling. The problem with this is that you never actually get a conclusive or satisfactory answer. Any evidence you get from these sources is open to interpretation and then you end up needing more and more information, but you will never get it. It’s just awful and the only way to get out of this madness is to just accept that there is information about you out there but it’s all fractured and muddled and that it will never provide a clear answer, so you need to stop seeking that answer and get on with your life.

[dksea]

6 hours ago, malina said:

the OCD would make you dismiss it because another "what if" would come into play. The only way to stop being miserable is to stop calling.

Exactly.  There is ALWAYS another "what if".  Always.