Worried ? & False Memory (Merged Thread)

[PolarBear]

1 hour ago, Nikki79 said:

What about new thoughts around the original thought? That make it feel more worrisome? How do you deal with that? 

The same way you deal with all the other thoughts, Nikki. 

You can't see the forest for the trees right now. Just trust in us to lead you away from this insanity.

You keep trying to make this complicated. It's not. It's very simple.

[Nikki79]

9 hours ago, BM94 said:

There's the magic, you don't deal with it at all. Don't need to.

The brain is a powerful thing, so once you give attention to a nothing thought you start unwrapping it like a Christmas present.

You see when I worry about these thoughts I break them down into manageable pieces to deal with them and hopefully to get rid of them so with that advice you gave I’m back to the original thought so in my own mind which still is a problem I’m laughing at least cos I hope I’m not wrecking your head @BM94

[Nikki79]

9 hours ago, dksea said:

The same way, you don't give it any attention.  You keep trying to come up with exceptions, and we are telling you PB, BM, Caramoole, now me, there aren't exceptions.
No "but what if..."
No "but this time..."
No "ok but..."
No " but I started to ruminate..."
The way to respond and treat the intrusive thought is always the same, avoid compulsions, avoid rumination, focus as much as you can on something else.
If you start ruminating and feel worse?  Same response.
If you feel more anxiety than before? Same response.
If you feel slightly different than another similar time? Same response.
 

Of course, and that's understandable, and we can all relate.  Thats the problem though, with OCD, sometimes you CAN'T get that feeling of "knowing", at least not right away and not the way you usually do.  If you could you wouldn't have OCD.  To recover you have to ACT like you know, you have to ACT the way you normally would if you DID know.  The knowing comes later.  Does it suck? Yes.  Is it unpleasant? Yes.  Is there another option? Not really, no.  If you do the work, if you follow PB's excellent advice above the doubt will ease in time.  If you don't, well you know, the doubt just gets worse.  It would be great if you (or any of us) could make the doubt go away instantly, trust me, we all want that, but until someone comes up with that level of cure, we have to do things the best way we know, and that's the CBT approach, the approach PB et al. are telling you to do.  Its not immediate, but it works, we know it works, and those of us who have done it are better off for it. You can be to.  But its a choice you have to make and stick with.  Day after day after day.

I’m absolutely terrified to do this I have to put my hands up and admit this now. I am. 

[BM94]

It's good to laugh about it, OCD hates that!

Define "get rid of them" for me. Do you mean you try to hide them away/force yourself to forget them? That should stop too it just makes the thoughts more present in your mind. Try to learn to accept you have a thought that you dont like, but you are prepared to wave at it as it passes by.

Also stop seeing it as a problem, and more as an opportunity to know what to do with the thought now that you have the tools you need. 

As mentioned by many others, when you get a thought, remember it is just a thought and that it is you CHOOSING to react to it by doing compulsions and thinking more deeply about it (one of those being coming on here and telling us about each and every individual thought, and also giving us the extended disco version with all the other thoughts you have because of it lol).

I agree with PB, you're making this far too complex for yourself. Strip it back all the way and you will remember that it only started with a thought inside your head, there's nothing you need to do about it!

[Nikki79]

9 hours ago, PolarBear said:

The same way you deal with all the other thoughts, Nikki. 

You can't see the forest for the trees right now. Just trust in us to lead you away from this insanity.

You keep trying to make this complicated. It's not. It's very simple.

I definitely agree I’m stuck amongst the trees right now, I totally know this. It’s just how I keep pulling myself into these ruminations and it gets worse and worse then and what happens then is I wish I had never started but then I also think well it’s like an addiction with the initial worrying image dragging me in.

[Caramoole]

Whether it's today, tomorrow, next week or 2025 the answers and advice remains the same Nikki.  You've been diagnosed with OCD and your therapist (and other sufferers here) have explained what's happening and what steps need to be taken to deal with it.  Reducing compulsions is paramount.  With a small child you're going to be put in these situations several times a day.  Don't react with shock each time it happens.  Don't be taken by surprise.  You know it's going to happen.  Recognise the thought, think "There it is, that's the intrusive thought" but change the reaction.  When that flash of fear hits you, look to what you feel compelled to do next and try and change the response

[Nikki79]

20 minutes ago, BM94 said:

It's good to laugh about it, OCD hates that!

Define "get rid of them" for me. Do you mean you try to hide them away/force yourself to forget them? That should stop too it just makes the thoughts more present in your mind. Try to learn to accept you have a thought that you dont like, but you are prepared to wave at it as it passes by.

Also stop seeing it as a problem, and more as an opportunity to know what to do with the thought now that you have the tools you need. 

As mentioned by many others, when you get a thought, remember it is just a thought and that it is you CHOOSING to react to it by doing compulsions and thinking more deeply about it (one of those being coming on here and telling us about each and every individual thought, and also giving us the extended disco version with all the other thoughts you have because of it lol).

I agree with PB, you're making this far too complex for yourself. Strip it back all the way and you will remember that it only started with a thought inside your head, there's nothing you need to do about it!

I think ‘get rid’ means a lot of things. For example I’m ever fearful of the next thought coming in upsetting my day and I desperately don’t want to feel upset or have anything stop me doing anything as I often change plans to accommodate when I’m feeling distressed. 

I do like the idea of simplifying and stripping it back. I feel I have done that a little with this latest worry but I’m still admiringly stuck on the original worry cos I think I get obsessed with trying to reproduce in my mind to try almost solve it or dissolve it or fearfully find what’s worrying and then I end up more in trouble. 

[Nikki79]

7 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

Whether it's today, tomorrow, next week or 2025 the answers and advice remains the same Nikki.  You've been diagnosed with OCD and your therapist (and other sufferers here) have explained what's happening and what steps need to be taken to deal with it.  Reducing compulsions is paramount.  With a small child you're going to be put in these situations several times a day.  Don't react with shock each time it happens.  Don't be taken by surprise.  You know it's going to happen.  Recognise the thought, think "There it is, that's the intrusive thought" but change the reaction.  When that flash of fear hits you, look to what you feel compelled to do next and try and change the response

Thanks Caramoole. I really want to do this and I guess when the Therapist said to challenge it that is what he meant to. Basically sit with the anxiety. You guys make it seem to doable but then I’m still terrified I’ve done something wrong or I need to find the details to see what happened or where that reminder came from. 

[BM94]

6 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

I do like the idea of simplifying and stripping it back. I feel I have done that a little with this latest worry but I’m still admiringly stuck on the original worry cos I think I get obsessed with trying to reproduce in my mind to try almost solve it or dissolve it or fearfully find what’s worrying and then I end up more in trouble

Exactly!!!! 

So don't do it, its that simple 

If this particular path you're taking leads to more trouble and distress why carry on following it??

it's just too jumbled Nikki, all these worries and then original worries and then trying so hard not to get a new worry to ruin your day all the whilst still worrying about new and original worries from the day before. It's too messy and you're in a state of flux. Collide it, contain it and dismiss it. Focus on what's ahead of you!

Rule for today: dont engage with new worries, dont reproduce it in your head, dont try and solve, dont try and dissolve,

dont try to "fearfully worry" - I mean this one speaks for itself, if its fearful and creates doubt and let's be honest, doesnt get you anywhere.. DON'T DO IT!! Lol

With each reply of yours you dig further and further into a hole, you have to cease and desist.

 

[Caramoole]

Make no mistake you will feel terrified......it doesn't change what you need to do.  When you change your child's nappy you are going to have this thought.  You're probably already fearing the next change and priming your mind with a fear reaction.

Are you a danger to your child?  Would you do anything to harm her? Or do you "fear" you would/have?  There's a very big difference.

You can't fix a hole in the roof by making the hole bigger.  You can't heal a wound by scratching the scab off.  You can't fix OCD by carrying out compulsions guaranteed to make the situation worse.

[Nikki79]

1 minute ago, BM94 said:

Exactly!!!! 

So don't do it, its that simple 

If this particular path you're taking leads to more trouble and distress why carry on following it??

it's just too jumbled Nikki, all these worries and then original worries and then trying so hard not to get a new worry to ruin your day all the whilst still worrying about new and original worries from the day before. It's too messy and you're in a state of flux. Collide it, contain it and dismiss it. Focus on what's ahead of you!

Rule for today: dont engage with new worries, dont reproduce it in your head, dont try and solve, dont try and dissolve,

dont try to "fearfully worry" - I mean this one speaks for itself, if its fearful and creates doubt and let's be honest, doesnt get you anywhere.. DON'T DO IT!! Lol

With each reply of yours you dig further and further into a hole, you have to cease and desist.

 

Ugh that sounds like a nice day lol eeeek but I’m still stuck you know, why can’t I do this? I have to but I’m trembling you know cos that image concerned me so much 

[Caramoole]

It's no wonder.  When you put 100% of your attention on something it looks larger

[Nikki79]

2 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

Make no mistake you will feel terrified......it doesn't change what you need to do.  When you change your child's nappy you are going to have this thought.  You're probably already fearing the next change and priming your mind with a fear reaction.

Are you a danger to your child?  Would you do anything to harm her? Or do you "fear" you would/have?  There's a very big difference.

You can't fix a hole in the roof by making the hole bigger.  You can't heal a wound by scratching the scab off.  You can't fix OCD by carrying out compulsions guaranteed to make the situation worse.

My Therapist said I’m the safest person in Ireland but that still doesn’t make me feel I am. 

I fear I can’t remember something and these little titbits of memories like yesterday concern me cos I know they are familiar but I can’t reproduce them and don’t want to ruminate either with fear of course. 

[Caramoole]

We're going round in circles here.  What are you going to do today to try and change this?  Your way won't work.  You won't suddenly work this out and feel safe.  So, might it be more sensible to try another way?  Your way isn't making you feel ok, it's not stopping you feelin anxious.......so if you're going to feel anxious anyway, it might as well be whilst resisting the compulsions you're drawn to.

[BM94]

1 minute ago, Caramoole said:

Your way isn't making you feel ok, it's not stopping you feelin anxious.......so if you're going to feel anxious anyway, it might as well be whilst resisting the compulsions you're drawn to

Spot on, let this one absorb Nikki

[Nikki79]

Ok I can try to do that but will I ever get to feel ok and not so bothered by this stuff? It’s tearing me apart and I hate being reminded of it. 

[BM94]

17 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

Ok I can try to do that but will I ever get to feel ok and not so bothered by this stuff?

Don't try, just do and see how you feel in a week or 2. 

It's not an overnight job, but if you persevere with it you will absolutely start to feel ok and not so bothered by this stuff.

[Nikki79]

28 minutes ago, BM94 said:

Don't try, just do and see how you feel in a week or 2. 

It's not an overnight job, but if you persevere with it you will absolutely start to feel ok and not so bothered by this stuff.

I want to but I don’t know and  there yet if I’m honest. I still feel I need to examine thoughts or whatever comes into my head to concern me as they come in. Is there anything you sort of tell yourself about these kind of images, memories, thoughts or whatever that allows you to better able to dismiss them and move on @BM94?

[BM94]

To put it bluntly, you will never feel "ready". You have to take that leap of faith and just give it your all. Right now is the time you can start, there is absolutely nothing stopping you and like Caramoole said, if you're already suffering doing things this way, what really is the harm in trying something else?

So whenever I get an intrusive thought, I will recognise it as just that and carry on with whatever I'm doing regardless of whether it triggers me. I do still get frightened by some of the thoughts that pop into my head, but my anxiety lasts for a MUCH shorter period of time now that I can tell myself its just a thought and not engage with it. Sometimes the anxiety lasts only a couple minutes now. I'm leaps and bounds further ahead than I was a couple months back. You can be too you just have to commit and persevere. 

[Nikki79]

6 minutes ago, BM94 said:

To put it bluntly, you will never feel "ready". You have to take that leap of faith and just give it your all. Right now is the time you can start, there is absolutely nothing stopping you and like Caramoole said, if you're already suffering doing things this way, what really is the harm in trying something else?

So whenever I get an intrusive thought, I will recognise it as just that and carry on with whatever I'm doing regardless of whether it triggers me. I do still get frightened by some of the thoughts that pop into my head, but my anxiety lasts for a MUCH shorter period of time now that I can tell myself its just a thought and not engage with it. Sometimes the anxiety lasts only a couple minutes now. I'm leaps and bounds further ahead than I was a couple months back. You can be too you just have to commit and persevere. 

I think somewhere in my head I’ll start again tommorow (which happens most nights) but everyday there is something old or new about an old thought or whatever that disturbs my peace. I suppose what I’m talking about when I talk about thoughts is can we somehow see them all as the same? I mean my loved ones tell me all my thoughts sound the same but to me they all feel different and equally even more worrisome depending. 

[Caramoole]

Nikki, it's time to draw a line now and start some doing.  This thread (and your other ones) has all the information you need.  It's up to you now to take that leap of faith,  We're slipping into the realms of being complicit in supporting your compulsions now rather than giving advice and support.

It will feel scary, it will cause great doubt but if you are aware of this and resist dealing with it by compulsions, it will start to lessen.  You have recommendations from your therapist, and from us....it all mirrors each other.  Now you have to start trying it out.  

 

[Nikki79]

5 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

Nikki, it's time to draw a line now and start some doing.  This thread (and your other ones) has all the information you need.  It's up to you now to take that leap of faith,  We're slipping into the realms of being complicit in supporting your compulsions now rather than giving advice and support.

It will feel scary, it will cause great doubt but if you are aware of this and resist dealing with it by compulsions, it will start to lessen.  You have recommendations from your therapist, and from us....it all mirrors each other.  Now you have to start trying it out.  

 

It’s not that easy for me, it just isn’t. I’m dealing with the fear of what I can’t remember around my precious child. It’s so distressing. I literally thought I was going to have to do something a few weeks ago to stop the pain. 

Edited January 17, 2020 by Nikki79

[Caramoole]

9 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

It’s not that easy for me, it just isn’t. I’m dealing with the fear of what I can’t remember around my precious child. It’s so distressing. I literally thought I was going to have to do something a few weeks ago to stop the pain. 

I'm sorry Nikki, I know it hurts but there's nothing special about what you're experiencing than what others do.  You can change this but it has to be by changing what you yourself do in response to the thoughts.

It's been explained by your therapist and us that there is no risk, no danger, that this is OCD an unpleasant anxiety condition.  You have to try now to follow some of that advice.  At the moment you're tied into dealing with it by compulsions.  It's time to try the other way and work through these anxiety attacks and then things will start to improve. 

[Nikki79]

But Caramoole last night all it took was a concerned thought ( I didn’t even feel a huge amount or anxiety) and that tripped me up. It’s  like I believe I’m guilty and it’s making me depressed.

[Caramoole]

No more "Yes buts" Nikki.  As long as you follow this way of doing things you'll continue feeling like this.  There is another way.