Worried ? & False Memory (Merged Thread)

[Nikki79]

Oh sorry Taurean and Dksea.

So it looks like I’ve been doing compulsions in a different way and that is why it is still hanging around perhaps? I do know in my head it’s like ‘please don’t be there’ ‘please go away’. It’s so difficult but am I making it difficult? I did manage to stop myself ruminating on it today and I was really tempted to try and get relief if there was any to get . At least I stopped. I’m so scared that there is a real worry I’m guilty perhaps at this point. It’s horrendous to feel like that. I guess that’s why we become tempted to think on our worries, cos of some belief perhaps. 

Edited February 14, 2020 by Nikki79

[taurean]

Yep that is a compulsion response and won't work. 

The only way you will lose those thoughts over time is to pay them no attention whilst believing they are not true. And not carry out any compulsions - neutralising, trying to push away, reassurance-seeking, trying to remember, giving belief to intrusions. 

It's hard but you have the ability to do this - you just aren't doing it. 

So it's there, prominent or hovering. So what? You know by now it's all a loud of OCD bunkum. So believe that leave it be. 

It will not lose its power until you consistently, for a long time, do that. But that's what you aren't doing. 

Take comfort. Every single OCD sufferer must do the same. Whatever the theme. 

 

 

[Nikki79]

2 hours ago, taurean said:

Yep that is a compulsion response and won't work. 

The only way you will lose those thoughts over time is to pay them no attention whilst believing they are not true. And not carry out any compulsions - neutralising, trying to push away, reassurance-seeking, trying to remember, giving belief to intrusions. 

It's hard but you have the ability to do this - you just aren't doing it. 

So it's there, prominent or hovering. So what? You know by now it's all a loud of OCD bunkum. So believe that leave it be. 

It will not lose its power until you consistently, for a long time, do that. But that's what you aren't doing. 

Take comfort. Every single OCD sufferer must do the same. Whatever the theme. 

 

 

It’s the bit where you say ‘believing they are not true’: this is where I get caught cos obviously I’m not sure if it’s true or not?? Cos that’s the doubt etc. Do you know what I mean?

[taurean]

Why might it be true? Why would you spend so much time on an OCD forum? 

Because you don't want to believe the intrusions. You want them to be OCD you want to just get rid of them, not have to fear them. 

And that is the proof that you seek. 

[Nikki79]

Oh I definitely don’t want to believe them but they have been very believable at times and I’m scared there would be something there etc... as that what you feel too? When something worries you?

[taurean]

1 minute ago, Nikki79 said:

Oh I definitely don’t want to believe them but they have been very believable at times and I’m scared there would be something there etc... as that what you feel too? When something worries you?

You have to let go of that fear, because that belief is what keeps you stuck, keeps the thoughts coming. 

Only when you stop giving belief to the intrusions and keep doing that will you find the relief that you seek. 

[Nikki79]

But is it not the fact that if we didn’t believe then we wouldn’t have the problem too? 

I would love so dearly to wake up tomorrow and born have this stuff bothering me and to enjoy my little family and not worry and feel guilt. 

Edited February 14, 2020 by Nikki79

[taurean]

You need to accept that you have OCD. Once you come to terms with that, and consistently stop trying to will away the thoughts, they will lose their power and frequency. 

Then you will experience that for which you long. 

It is you that is maintaining the cycle by continuing to give belief to them, and carrying out compulsions as a result. It is only when you fully understand and impliment that that recovery will happen. 

 

 

[dksea]

On 15/02/2020 at 01:17, Nikki79 said:

I’m just worried that it is coming in to my head all the time cos I am so AFRAID of it. But how do I stop that? Truly!

You stop it by changing how you react when it happens. Right now you are treating it as a big deal when the thoughts pop in to your head. Your afraid of it. Understandable, we all do that at first. If you want to beat OCD though you have to keep making a conscious effort to not respond to it. When you have the thought don’t try to do anything about it. You can have an unpleasant, unwanted thought AND keep going about your day. It’s not always easy but it’s possible. And the more you do it the less it will be a problem over time. 
 

Act like the thought is not a big deal and your unconscious brain will stop making it a big deal and bringing it up all the time. 

[Nikki79]

It’s a simple solution really isn’t it? Acceptance and changing the reactions. 

[taurean]

1 minute ago, Nikki79 said:

It’s a simple solution really isn’t it? Acceptance and changing the reactions. 

That's what we need to do. 

We need courage, because we are accepting that our brain is peddling OCD not truth. 

But we can all make progress with this if we truly believe that dictum. 

[Nikki79]

4 hours ago, taurean said:

That's what we need to do. 

We need courage, because we are accepting that our brain is peddling OCD not truth. 

But we can all make progress with this if we truly believe that dictum. 

We really can Taurean and we can have brighter more enjoyable lives. 

[Nikki79]

6 hours ago, dksea said:

You stop it by changing how you react when it happens. Right now you are treating it as a big deal when the thoughts pop in to your head. Your afraid of it. Understandable, we all do that at first. If you want to beat OCD though you have to keep making a conscious effort to not respond to it. When you have the thought don’t try to do anything about it. You can have an unpleasant, unwanted thought AND keep going about your day. It’s not always easy but it’s possible. And the more you do it the less it will be a problem over time. 
 

Act like the thought is not a big deal and your unconscious brain will stop making it a big deal and bringing it up all the time. 

I really really really want to to do this. It seems my mind is full of this intrusive thought at the moment. It almost can feel like it’s a constant intrusive thought so I hope I can still do what you say. I’m really trying not to give any one thought or worry more importance and trying to accept they are all the same that the ones I worried so intensely about 20 years ago are the same as the ones I worry about now. Same meat different gravy as it were even if it tells me it’s worse because  ‘insert.......’. This is what my father says to me and he says it’s like a toothache when it hits and a mind game and I am innocent and there is no truth to it. Of course if I could have his brain then I wouldn’t have this problem as he has no doubt but I struggle with my ocd doubt. 

Edited February 16, 2020 by Nikki79

[Nikki79]

5 hours ago, taurean said:

That's what we need to do. 

We need courage, because we are accepting that our brain is peddling OCD not truth. 

But we can all make progress with this if we truly believe that dictum. 

It’s not easy to do when the worry side of the brain still tries to get you to think, did you do something? Are you guilty? How come you have these images? How come when these images come in they seem more and more familiar and more than that worry you so much?? You must have done wrong! You must be guilty! And so on....and this is all without diving into rumination. This is what makes it hard as I’m sure you well experience too. 

[taurean]

I do know. But it is all OCD nevertheless. 

[BM94]

Hey Nikki,

As has been said to you so so many times before, you are engaging in compulsions which is making the anxiety last longer.

There is still a regular stream of compulsive posts you make, trying to get someone on here to define who you are and what your thoughts make you.

I think I could probably copy all your posts with tracing paper and find almost identical matches all the way through the thread. We've all been over this like a carousel literally hundreds of times now.

Surely it must be boring coming on here reading the exact same responses from everyone every single time? You have OCD, yeah it's hard, but --> YOU can stop it! You can listen to the advice given on here and start putting it into practise.

You are a fantastic mother I'm sure and incredibly loving, so that means the rest is all OCD bull****. Stop giving in to it.

Sorry for the tough love

B

 

[Nikki79]

Thanks guys ( and glad I don’t have to tag people anymore lol). I know I need to apply some positive thinking and correct behaviours.

[Nikki79]

6 hours ago, BM94 said:

Hey Nikki,

As has been said to you so so many times before, you are engaging in compulsions which is making the anxiety last longer.

There is still a regular stream of compulsive posts you make, trying to get someone on here to define who you are and what your thoughts make you.

I think I could probably copy all your posts with tracing paper and find almost identical matches all the way through the thread. We've all been over this like a carousel literally hundreds of times now.

Surely it must be boring coming on here reading the exact same responses from everyone every single time? You have OCD, yeah it's hard, but --> YOU can stop it! You can listen to the advice given on here and start putting it into practise.

You are a fantastic mother I'm sure and incredibly loving, so that means the rest is all OCD bull****. Stop giving in to it.

Sorry for the tough love

B

 

That was a lovely post don’t worry at all about tough love. I think I’m just so desperate to not have this OCD bothering me I keep thinking and talking about it in an attempt to move it off me but that is making it worse!!! This is why there is so much reposting from me and I’m sorry for that but I guess I’m vulnerable to it and want to not be bothered by it but keeps coming into my head. I think I just have to do as you guys said and not respond to it no matter how many times it is in my head, not do compulsions and trust that it will fade as it has before. I think Ive been obsessing on how to let it go or how did I do it before when really I should be not thinking about it at all. 

[Nikki79]

18 hours ago, taurean said:

I do know. But it is all OCD nevertheless. 

That’s all we need to know Taurean really isn’t it?

[dksea]

On 16/02/2020 at 09:15, Nikki79 said:

I really really really want to to do this. It seems my mind is full of this intrusive thought at the moment. It almost can feel like it’s a constant intrusive thought so I hope I can still do what you say.

I mean it probably is filled with it at this moment, its become a big deal, its grown out of control, that happens, and trust me I've been there.  You don't solve the problem over night, which is good because you can't, you just try and do your best to get better and better day by day.  Its very similar to stopping any bad habit, its hardest at the beginning but if you keep at it you can do it.

[Nikki79]

9 hours ago, dksea said:

I mean it probably is filled with it at this moment, its become a big deal, its grown out of control, that happens, and trust me I've been there.  You don't solve the problem over night, which is good because you can't, you just try and do your best to get better and better day by day.  Its very similar to stopping any bad habit, its hardest at the beginning but if you keep at it you can do it.

I have to believe this. I just feel quite vulnerable at times and need so much support and thank you so much for helping me through this. I was thinking what you said Dksea about you have to fake it until you make it and then you will get there. You guys have been where I am and came out the other side and trust that it is OCD and nothing more. It’s frustrating to think I don’t so easily trust it. I mean I’m angry at myself why don’t I? I must!

[dksea]

16 hours ago, Nikki79 said:

You guys have been where I am and came out the other side and trust that it is OCD and nothing more. It’s frustrating to think I don’t so easily trust it. I mean I’m angry at myself why don’t I? I must!

If it were easy none of us would be here, this forum wouldn't exist, we wouldn't need medication or therapy or other professional help.  Recovery is hard work, and its normal that you struggle, we all do.  Its easy to say the right thing to do, its hard to be in the middle of it and to do it. Do your best, thats all anyone can do.

[Nikki79]

12 hours ago, dksea said:

If it were easy none of us would be here, this forum wouldn't exist, we wouldn't need medication or therapy or other professional help.  Recovery is hard work, and its normal that you struggle, we all do.  Its easy to say the right thing to do, its hard to be in the middle of it and to do it. Do your best, thats all anyone can do.

So we are all or have been in the same boat I guess?

 

[dksea]

10 hours ago, Nikki79 said:

So we are all or have been in the same boat I guess?

Well I think each persons journey is necessarily different, but as OCD sufferers we share many similar experiences and challenges.  It can help to learn that others have been through the same types of struggles, but try not to compare situations too much.  The recovery journey is in most ways a very personal one, what matters is your own progress at whatever pace you can make it, not how we compare to other sufferers. Lots of factors can make ones journey easier (easy access to treatment, less stressful job situation, etc.) or harder (limited financial resources, other heath issues, etc.). All each of us can do is the best with the situation we are in.

[Nikki79]

That is true it’s a personal journey for sure. Someone said before OCD is same meat but different gravy and it applies to people’s journeys too.