Worried ? & False Memory (Merged Thread)

[Nikki79]

54 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

No more "Yes buts" Nikki.  As long as you follow this way of doing things you'll continue feeling like this.  There is another way.

My mind just threw up half ideas about what it is that may have happened and I feel physically sick. Caramoole the thoughts are getting worse 

[Caramoole]

Have a read over the threads Nikki and do your best to try some of the suggestions

[PolarBear]

5 hours ago, Nikki79 said:

I think ‘get rid’ means a lot of things. For example I’m ever fearful of the next thought coming in upsetting my day and I desperately don’t want to feel upset or have anything stop me doing anything as I often change plans to accommodate when I’m feeling distressed. 

I do like the idea of simplifying and stripping it back. I feel I have done that a little with this latest worry but I’m still admiringly stuck on the original worry cos I think I get obsessed with trying to reproduce in my mind to try almost solve it or dissolve it or fearfully find what’s worrying and then I end up more in trouble. 

This is the wrong thing to do. Breaking the obsession down so its easier to deal with is still doing a compulsion. We want you to do NOTHING about the thoughts. Absolutely nothing.

You may be scared to try this, but you know as well as I do that your way is not working.

[PolarBear]

43 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

My mind just threw up half ideas about what it is that may have happened and I feel physically sick. Caramoole the thoughts are getting worse 

They're getting worse because you won't leave the thoughts alone. Doing compulsions causes more thoughts, more anxiety, more doubt.

[Nikki79]

35 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

They're getting worse because you won't leave the thoughts alone. Doing compulsions causes more thoughts, more anxiety, more doubt.

Like PB I literally now remembered thoughts I had before I ended up in Accident and Emergency two weeks ago. Actually this very worry was just before the one the landed me in there and went back to little importance when that other one hit. I mean what is going on here? I feel like I’m losing my mind and I’m just going to breakdown. I can’t bare to think I’ve harmed my daughter or even had these thoughts that seem to tell me I have and whilst this latest thought I was able to dismiss two weeks ago is now back worrying me. Why do I have to suffer like this? I don’t know if I can survive it anymore

[Nikki79]

I can’t stop crying this evening. All my family are in bed asleep and I’m just sitting here suffering wondering how I can get out of this mess. 

[Caramoole]

17 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

I’m just sitting here suffering wondering how I can get out of this mess. 

I know this isn't what you want to hear but you get out of the mess by steadily trying to do the things that have been recommended.  I wish I could offer you an easy way but there isn't a magic fix.

When you had your Daughter did you have a natural birth?

[Nikki79]

11 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

I know this isn't what you want to hear but you get out of the mess by steadily trying to do the things that have been recommended.  I wish I could offer you an easy way but there isn't a magic fix.

When you had your Daughter did you have a natural birth?

I was 48 hours in labour and she was delivered by an emergency c section. 

 

I know there is no magic fix but like why do I have to get caught up in worries I had three weeks ago about me thinking I did something. Why can’t I just feel I don’t have to feel bad and that I didn’t do wrong. I suppose this is why I try to go back to the thought to figure out if has truth in it or not. 

[Caramoole]

So you had a very difficult, long and painful labour.  I imagine you were worn out, in agony, frightened....not to mention topping it off with an operation and 6 week recovery after that......And yet look at the result that you got at the end of it.....your beautiful Daughter.  Difficult as it was I'm guessing it was worth all that pain and anxiety to have your little girl in your life.

Dealing with and resisting those compulsions is a bit like that labour...painful, tiring, filled with anxiety, scary.....and yet if you try and work through the process the result is to be free of OCD controlling you......giving birth to a better life.

I'm not going to answer your last paragraph and you need to be working on trying to ease back n these compulsions as a way of handling things.  You can do this Nikki .  

[Nikki79]

12 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

So you had a very difficult, long and painful labour.  I imagine you were worn out, in agony, frightened....not to mention topping it off with an operation and 6 week recovery after that......And yet look at the result that you got at the end of it.....your beautiful Daughter.  Difficult as it was I'm guessing it was worth all that pain and anxiety to have your little girl in your life.

Dealing with and resisting those compulsions is a bit like that labour...painful, tiring, filled with anxiety, scary.....and yet if you try and work through the process the result is to be free of OCD controlling you......giving birth to a better life.

I'm not going to answer your last paragraph and you need to be working on trying to ease back n these compulsions as a way of handling things.  You can do this Nikki .  

Labour was hundred times easier then OCD. I was actually incredibly strong throughout it all and waited until the last minute for the c section until I knew I couldn’t really birth my daughter myself. 

[Caramoole]

7 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

Labour was hundred times easier then OCD. I was actually incredibly strong throughout it all and waited until the last minute for the c section until I knew I couldn’t really birth my daughter myself

Well Done.....I bet it still hurt though

However, that just shows what inner strength you really have and just what you're capable of.  Trust yourself Nikki....if you ride some of those waves of anxiety just like you did those contractions....they will fade and you get through the moment.  Think of these flashes of thought and fear like mental contractions and breath your way through them

[Nikki79]

5 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

Well Done.....I bet it still hurt though

However, that just shows what inner strength you really have and just what you're capable of.  Trust yourself Nikki....if you ride some of those waves of anxiety just like you did those contractions....they will fade and you get through the moment.  Think of these flashes of thought and fear like mental contractions and breath your way through them

So when I get the thoughts of images where I felt I did something just think of them that way?

[Caramoole]

2 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

So when I get the thoughts of images where I felt I did something just think of them that way?

Know that although they are painful and hurt you they aren't dangerous.  They are part and parcel of this anxiety condition, they need no attention or reaction.  You let the wave of anxiety waft over you.  You resist the urge to dash and make a post, or ask your partner, or your Dad....above all you resist the urge to try and work it out by "thinking"  Know that the less action you take the faster the anxiety will fall again, just like the contractions.

[Caramoole]

Shame we haven't got Gas & Air on tap

[Nikki79]

7 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

Shame we haven't got Gas & Air on tap

My hospital never had gas and air

will I know what I need to know in time? Currently I feel I did wrong.

[Caramoole]

12 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

will I know what I need to know in time? Currently I feel I did wrong.

  Try as you might Nikki, I ain't answering that one again

[Caramoole]

13 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

My hospital never had gas and air

I hope they didn't give you a stick to bite on

[Nikki79]

5 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

I hope they didn't give you a stick to bite on

I hand epidural and it was really uncomfortable but like honestly I would do it all again and that’s was the plan until I fell ill

[PinkPrincess1981]

9 hours ago, Nikki79 said:

It’s not that easy for me, it just isn’t. I’m dealing with the fear of what I can’t remember around my precious child. It’s so distressing. I literally thought I was going to have to do something a few weeks ago to stop the pain. 

It's not that easy for anyone suffering from OCD but you have a choice - you can either choose to continue as you have been and continue to suffer or you can choose not to react the next time you have an intrusive thought. As others have said the thoughts won't go away overnight but the more you dismiss them as unimportant and do not give them any attention the more they will fade into the background.  It really does work but if you don't try you'll never discover that for yourself. 

[dksea]

15 hours ago, Nikki79 said:

But Caramoole last night all it took was a concerned thought ( I didn’t even feel a huge amount or anxiety) and that tripped me up. It’s  like I believe I’m guilty and it’s making me depressed.

You are going to feel bad. You are going to have intrusive thoughts. You are going to want to ruminate. You are going to be scared. If you wait until that stops before you try to get better you will never get better. 
 

You have to choose to do the work and do the work even though you are scared. Even though you keep having intrusive thoughts. Even though you still sometimes ruminate. Even though it feels “different” today. None of that changes what you have to do to get better. None of it changes that you have OCD. 
 

Everyone who recovers from OCD is scared when they start. Every one of them continues to have the intrusive thoughts at first. Every one of them makes mistakes and ruminates again at one point or another. Every one of them struggles and has to fight. No one is suggesting you do something impossible. No one is suggesting you do something that we haven’t already done or are doing now. Those who recover aren’t more talented or more gifted, they simply made the choice and stuck with it. The key to recovery is stubbornness and anyone can be stubborn. 

[Nikki79]

4 hours ago, dksea said:

You are going to feel bad. You are going to have intrusive thoughts. You are going to want to ruminate. You are going to be scared. If you wait until that stops before you try to get better you will never get better. 
 

You have to choose to do the work and do the work even though you are scared. Even though you keep having intrusive thoughts. Even though you still sometimes ruminate. Even though it feels “different” today. None of that changes what you have to do to get better. None of it changes that you have OCD. 
 

Everyone who recovers from OCD is scared when they start. Every one of them continues to have the intrusive thoughts at first. Every one of them makes mistakes and ruminates again at one point or another. Every one of them struggles and has to fight. No one is suggesting you do something impossible. No one is suggesting you do something that we haven’t already done or are doing now. Those who recover aren’t more talented or more gifted, they simply made the choice and stuck with it. The key to recovery is stubbornness and anyone can be stubborn. 

I’m shaky this morning and feeling like my spirit is a bit broken you know. It just went mad last night, it went from one thought to the next and the next and all digging up worries about me being guilty for harming my child. I wonder does a person that gets better still have a logical understanding that they have not done wrong or something and then move forward to not ruminate. I think actually you said no so sorry for asking that. I just feel I want to put a bullet in my brain and stop all the chaos and feel I don’t have to worry anymore.

[Nikki79]

Hi guys I feel so alone and sad tonight. I have family trying to contact me all day and I just have nothing to say so have been avoiding them. I don’t know what to say or what they should even say to me The only thing that puts a smile on my face is my beautiful little girl x

Edited January 18, 2020 by Nikki79

[BM94]

Nikki I think for your own good no one is going to keep offering what is now food for your compulsions.

You have the tools, you know what to do, best of luck!

[Nikki79]

Thank you 

[Nikki79]

Can anyone tell me what false memory ocd is? I’ve been trying to find out about it today as I I suspect I may have it. Has anyone got experience with it? Thanks guys.