Major relapse

[Bewildered again]

Hi 

I've been with the psychiatric Dr this morning and I'm very upset. I've been having an episode since Oct of severe anxiety and obsessive rumination which has affected my sleep I'm only getting roughly 3 hrs a night and my gp has been trying to stabilse me with medication first adding sertraline and rivotrol to the mirap 30mg. I came off the benzos as they weren't working and after 7 weeks on sertraline and no improvement she put me on anafranil. Today the Dr has now added lyrica and a sleeping tablet and I'm totally freak out over all this medication.  I was originally diagnosed with ocd in 2006 and had cbt and  no medication.  At this stage my hands are shaking and my arms have a burning sensation as I'm in a state of constant anxiety.  My obsession is my own mental health and the anxiety I'm experiencing aswell as harm and sexual intrusive thoughts. I have been seeing a therapist weekly for 8 weeks doing cbt but my head seems locked into this constant thinking. I've been off work since the week before Christmas over the insomnia and the physical aniexty. Someone please give me words of encouragement and support as I feel awful and very worried about all this medication I'm on. 

[malina]

Hi Bewildered,

I’m sorry you’re going through such an awful time. I know how you feel, I and many of us have been where you are now. I know it probably feels like you’re drowning but this will get better! You have to hang in there.

You say you’ve been off work. Do you have anything to keep you busy? When I was at my worst, I found routine and staying active really helped. I totally get how hard this is when you can’t sleep, but it may help. When I was at my worst, I would force myself to get up at a normal time each day (even though the temptation was to stay in bed all day), eat regular and proper meals, and do something constructive each day. 
 

It’s also important to remember that, while the anxiety feels very real, it is simply a trick of the mind to make you think something bad is happening. In fact all these sensations are just tricks of the mind, they won’t hurt you no matter how bad they feel.

I hope this was a little helpful and that you feel better soon!!

[Nikki79]

Hi Bewildered I’m so sorry for you I really am. I too am going through a very hard time at the moment but I will pray for you and hope you see brighter days ahead. I’m sending you a huge hug. Everyone understands here you are in the right place x

[Bewildered again]

I have 4 children so I have to keep the routine school runs dinner ect. I've had my mum staying with me as I'm a single parent I'm finding it very hard to accept I'm not well and the affect its having on my kids seeing me crying and trapped in my own head.  I feel so separated from my own self like I'm on automatic pilot just survivng each day 

[Nikki79]

My heart goes out to you. How do you manage with four children and the obsessive thoughts? I have a 14 months old and am with her all day but I have find it so hard. Like you I have sexual harm thoughts and I find it difficult to not ruminate worrying about did I do anything wrong to get etc. I ended up in Accident and Emergency just before New Year’s Eve.

[Bewildered again]

I'm not managing I keep crying and I'm scared I won't cope on my own. It's not fair on my kids to see me like this.  When I try to prqctice cbt on the thoughts that I can't cope all I see is evidence that I can't cope. Although I am getting the kids to school and doing meals and everything I feel that the crying and the fact I'm so distressed is proof I'm not able to cope. Im doing my own head i can't stop thinking about not coping on my own. My mum will have to go home soon and I feel so bad that my kids are having to deal with this. 

Edited January 17, 2020 by Bewildered again

[Nikki79]

The thing is you are coping. You really are. It’s a hard existence for you and extremely distressing ( as I know well) but you are doing your best so cut yourself some slack. It’s also not your fault. 

[Handy]

That’s a lot of medication. Be sure to look at all of the side effects to see if they are caused by medication. If you have kids there is something I call Post Partum OCD. 

[Bewildered again]

9 hours ago, Handy said:

That’s a lot of medication. Be sure to look at all of the side effects to see if they are caused by medication. If you have kids there is something I call Post Partum OCD. 

My youngest child is 5