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What's the best OCD advice you've heard?


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The most powerful thing I have heard was a woman with OCD write about how she's had many fears during her life and tried so hard to prevent all of them from happening, but in the end the worst thing that ever happened to her was the experience of living with OCD. So while there may indeed be some risk of something bad happening to you, the biggest risk is not overcoming OCD. 

Edited by malina
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Never seek reassurance from yourself or others.  Instead, tell yourself the worst will happen, is happening, or has already happened.  Reassurance will cancel out the effects of any therapy homework you use it on and prevent you from improving.  Reassurance-seeking is a compulsion, no matter how you may try to justify it.

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On 17/01/2020 at 20:47, malina said:

The most powerful thing I have heard was a woman with OCD write about how she's had many fears during her life and tried so hard to prevent all of them from happening, but in the end the worst thing that ever happened to her was the experience of living with OCD. So while there may indeed be some risk of something bad happening to you, the biggest risk is not overcoming OCD. 

I love ❤️ your reply malina. Thank you for sharing :goodpost:

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On 21/01/2020 at 10:24, Handy said:

Never seek reassurance from yourself or others.

I disagree with this strongly.  Thats akin to saying:
Never wash your hands
Never check that your door is locked
Never see the doctor if you feel sick

Reassurance from time to time is healthy and normal, especially when one is struggling.  Reassurance seeking as a compulsion is not beneficial.  There is a difference.
In addition saying NEVER seek reassurance makes many people feel like they have failed completely if they don't meet that unachievable goal.
A more reasonable and achievable goal is to minimize reassurance and avoid compulsive reassurance as much as possible.

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On 18/01/2020 at 08:47, malina said:

So while there may indeed be some risk of something bad happening to you, the biggest risk is not overcoming OCD. 

And Godzilla, don't forget Godzilla, he is quite big and definitely a risk ?

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2 hours ago, Pranjali said:

What is the difference between reassurance (which is helpful) and compulsive reassurance?

Try this, for starters ... 

Speaker: (With or without OCD): 'I'm not sure I can pass my driving test.' (OCD isn't involved, just pre-test jitters.) 

Friend: 'You've been practicing hard and your driving skills are good, you'll be alright.' 

RE: dksea's take, I think he's just saying that (particularly in the early stages), a bit of reassurance, as a form of giving cognitive insight is OK, but not the ultimate aim.

No doubt you'll get a response from the horse's mouth shortly. neighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. 

Edited by paradoxer
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3 hours ago, Pranjali said:

What is the difference between reassurance (which is helpful) and compulsive reassurance?

Much like hand washing its the frequency and intensity.  

Lets say you were chatting with friend A.  The next day they seem less communicative.  You think back "maybe when I said X, it upset them?"
So you ask friend B, "hey friend B, I said X to friend A yesterday, do you think that upset them?"
Friend B either says "no I think its fine, they are just busy" or "maybe, they might have thought you meant Y instead."
Either way you move forward form that.  That would be helpful reassurance.

If instead you continue to wonder and start asking friend C, friend D, friend E, etc. or keep asking friend B, then its compulsive.

Similarly if you are worried you might be ill, you ask your doctor, they tell you its nothing to worry about, thats ok.  If instead you keep researching, start seeking out multiple other doctors opinions, repeatedly ask your same doctor the question over and over, or you start thinking "but what if this" or "I forgot to mention minor thing so I should definitely call them again" then its compulsive.

Occasional checking with others to see if your fears are valid is a part of life.  Frequently doing it is a compulsion and is bad for OCD recovery.

In your specific case, you've checked and confessed and ruminated endlessly about potentially cheating.  I think its safe to say you are well past the healthy reassurance threshold when it comes to asking your partner, etc. about that.  Everyone has told you that your worries seem irrational and OCD driven.  You keep doubting it, because OCD, and you keep wanting to ask and be told its not what you fear, but every time you are, it comes back.  Thats a good sign its compulsive reassurance at this point.  When you ask once or twice and keep asking despite the answer, then its probably not good.  If you've asked the same or very similar question over and over?  Its definitely not good.

That said, you can still tell your friend or partner or family, "Hey I'm having a bad day" or ask "AM I going to be ok someday" and have someone give you some reassuring words OCCASIONALLY.  But you should avoid doing this all the time just because you feel bad for example.   Again its a matter of frequency and intensity.  

If you've asked and been given an answer, unless something has SIGNIFICANTLY changed, its probably best not to ask again.  That said it can be hard to go from 100 to 0 on the compulsion scale.  The goal is to reduce compulsions, including reassurance seeking.  Its helpful to enlist your partner or another trusted person in this, to let them know what you are going through and help setup some limits so they know when its ok to say "I'm not going to give you reassurance right now".  It can be difficult for others to know when they are helping and when they are simply facilitating your OCD.  It can help if they also join you for a session or two with a therapist who can help explain OCD to them and also work together as a group to set up boundaries.  It might seem cruel to the sufferer, but really its the best thing when your partner/family/friends know to set limits for you, they are helping your recovery by NOT feeding your compulsions, even though it hurts.  Its kinda like not giving a smoker a cigarette when they are trying to quit.
 

1 hour ago, paradoxer said:

RE: dksea's take, I think he's just saying that (particularly in the early stages), a bit of reassurance, as a form of giving cognitive insight is OK, but not the ultimate aim.

This is also true, there is value in explaining OCD and its works, value in helping someone by letting them know it can be beat, and its ok to be angry, etc.  The goal of the reassurance also matters.  Are you simply assuaging someones anxiety, or are you trying to help them learn and provide insight that they can apply to their recovery.
 

1 hour ago, paradoxer said:

No doubt you'll get a response from the horse's mouth shortly. neighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. 

Who are you calling a horse?  My mane purpose on this forum is to be neigh-borly to everyone.

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8 hours ago, dksea said:

Who are you calling a horse?  My mane purpose on this forum is to be neigh-borly to everyone.

It's not always easy offering advice on this forum it can make one a little horse ... OK enough, I think I'll trot on ... 

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On 17/01/2020 at 19:27, OcdOrAnxiety said:

What's the best piece of OCD-related advice you've heard, something that's really helped you to recover/deal with your thoughts/compulsions?

Whatever question ocd wants you to answer, whatever problem it wants you to fix, it's ok to just leave it as unanswered, leave it as unfixed. 

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8 hours ago, dksea said:


In your specific case, you've checked and confessed and ruminated endlessly about potentially cheating.  I think its safe to say you are well past the healthy reassurance threshold when it comes to asking your partner, etc. about that.  Everyone has told you that your worries seem irrational and OCD driven.  You keep doubting it, because OCD, and you keep wanting to ask and be told its not what you fear, but every time you are, it comes back.  Thats a good sign its compulsive reassurance at this point.  

Thank you so much for breaking it down @dksea. That gave some perspective into things.

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Just now, paradoxer said:

1. Live life as though you didn't have OCD. 

2. Let the thoughts be there. 

3 Content is trash.

4. The threat might be real, but I won't attend to it until there is minimal anxiety. *

* a gem 

I like these although I have slight reservations about the last one. I think a better one for me is "the threat might be real but I'm not going to attend to it anyway". I think I might have used the last bit as reassurance - as in it's "ok cos I will attend to it one day". For me the key is leaving it open and uncertain. 

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1 hour ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I like these although I have slight reservations about the last one. I think a better one for me is "the threat might be real but I'm not going to attend to it anyway". I think I might have used the last bit as reassurance - as in it's "ok cos I will attend to it one day". For me the key is leaving it open and uncertain. 

GBG, no fundamental disagreement (but here's the gem) - when the anxiety is minimal the attending will be moot anyway. 

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The best piece of OCD advice I have ever heard is "If a thought doesn't give you inner peace, don't follow it!"

I heard this on a James Callner OCD coaching video. The quote came from a lady called Sharon Davies who I believe is a therapist in the UK.

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35 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Yes I totally agree but it that only becomes apparent in hindsight. 

As an adage, I think it's also a cognitive reminder - minimal or no anxiety - and the desire to perform a compulsion goes away. Summary: I can check or do anything I want - as long as it's not to seek relief from OCD. 

Edited by paradoxer
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7 hours ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I think I might have used the last bit as reassurance - as in it's "ok cos I will attend to it one day". For me the key is leaving it open and uncertain. 

I use this approach too, it was part of the CBT techniques I learned, that putting things off to deal with later can be an effective technique as it often turns out that later you no longer feel the need to deal with it (as Paradoxer says).  

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