Therapy and embarrassment

[vivi_x]

So I’m working through therapy but I’m wondering how I’m meant to talk about the really embarrassing stuff, the stuff that I’m too awkward to say out loud. Any advice would be appreciated 

 

vi 

[Hal]

I really struggled with this too vivi. My issues were around contamination from bodily fluids and I found it so difficult saying aloud what they were. My therapist assured me I couldn't say anything they hadnt heard before from years of working in the field but I still couldn't vocalise my fears. In the end I jotted them down for them to have a read through and didn't look back.

Now I can see I had absolutely no reason to feel embarrassed, but I'd spent so many years living with OCD magnifying the issue I couldn't see that at the time. Have you told them tho you're finding it difficult? 

[vivi_x]

7 minutes ago, Hal said:

Have you told them tho you're finding it difficult? 

Mine is also bodily fluid contamination themed and that makes things surrounding sex really difficult and I just don’t know if I’ll be able to break a lot of the cycles if it isn’t included, but it’s also such a personal thing it’s scary to say I wish I could do this but my ocd won’t let me when it’s about that subject. That is to say it’s uncomfortable to talk about sex problems to someone you barely know, especially when they’re so strange and specific.

I haven’t told her I’m finding it difficult, just because I’m scared, I think writing it down might help but I’m not sure where to start I guess 

vi 

Edited February 5, 2020 by vivi_x

[dksea]

8 hours ago, vivi_x said:

but it’s also such a personal thing it’s scary to say I wish I could do this but my ocd won’t let me when it’s about that subject. That is to say it’s uncomfortable to talk about sex problems to someone you barely know, especially when they’re so strange and specific.

Its understandable and relatable to be scared/nervous, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it anyway.  Therapists are trained to handle these types of situations, its what they go to school for.  To you it seems like the end of the world, to them its just another day at the office.  Ultimately you can choose whether to say it or not, the OCD is not in charge unless you give it that power.  OCD can't actually stop you from doing anything, its not as powerful as it seems, really, you can tell it to f*** off and say what need to say, I promise.
 

8 hours ago, vivi_x said:

I haven’t told her I’m finding it difficult, just because I’m scared, I think writing it down might help but I’m not sure where to start I guess 

Writing it down is definitely an option, some people find it makes talking about a topic easier, I say its worth a try.  As for where to start, the beginning is usually a good place   But the actual order and getting it "all right" are very OCD things to worry about.  You don't actually have to describe every aspect of your situation in excruciating detail for the therapist to understand what you need or to recover.  OCD may make it seem like thats true, but it's not.  You don't have to be perfect in how you present or describe your problems.  Its not required

[Handy]

Their training is listening to embarrassment.  
 

Also, ask them about their methods, education, years doing this type of work. Get a feel for their approach.  I know it’s not what you asked but it’s important to get a better picture. Some use Freud, some Jung. 

[PolarBear]

Neither Freud nor Jung are going to help. That type of psychotherapy is not going to work in treating OCD. 

[Angst]

If you are in the UK with a diagnosis of OCD it is highly unlikely that you will be seeing a psychoanalyst. There a number of different approaches within psychoanalysis and I am not sure if researching the difference between, say, Klein or Anna Freud or Jung will help. The most likely approach to therapy will be CBT. On this site, there is a description of the CBT approach. I would adopt an incremental approach to revealing stuff about yourself. I think writing down your problems would help and then slowly reveal what you find embarrassing. Let us know your experiences. Good luck.

[Handy]

Freud was cool:

“In Freud's view, the patient's mind responded maladaptively to conflicts between unacceptable, unconscious sexual or aggressive id impulses and the demands of conscience and reality. He believed obsessive-compulsive behaviour is linked to unconscious conflicts manifested as symptoms of the illness.”

 

 

[paradoxer]

As usual Handy plays himself ... just when you thought the ante couldn't be raised any further.

Keep 'em coming. 

[dksea]

2 hours ago, Handy said:

Freud was cool:

“In Freud's view, the patient's mind responded maladaptively to conflicts between unacceptable, unconscious sexual or aggressive id impulses and the demands of conscience and reality. He believed obsessive-compulsive behaviour is linked to unconscious conflicts manifested as symptoms of the illness.”

He was also, in this case at least, wrong. 

[taurean]

Freud is  the wrong approach for OCD. Freud looked for causation of mental health issues in upbringing. 

Albert Ellis devised the approach we now follow, where the pattern of where we started the OCD and how it developed is used to get a picture of the problem and how it currently manifests, but after that the past is forgotten and treatment is about why we think the way we do, and why we respond the way we do. 

We can then learn to change our reaction , habituate to the thinking and reduce our emotional response. 

Edited February 7, 2020 by taurean

[taurean]

Therapy will be maximum benefit if we are open to discussing exactly what our issues are. 

What may seem highly embarrassing to us will be just usual to the therapist. They see it all, they learn to be pragmatic and detached, purely concerned at the effect upon their patient and how to change that. 

There are many people here who would give their eye teeth right now to be able to have therapy. 

We shouldn't lose the value this can give us. By all means write down your issues to give to the therapist. But don't expect to be judged, thought bad or whatever. 

Our OCD issues are unwanted and negative and generally attack our real self, our true core values. And they know that. 

[vivi_x]

11 hours ago, taurean said:

Therapy will be maximum benefit if we are open to discussing exactly what our issues are. 

 

14 hours ago, dksea said:

He was also, in this case at least, wrong. 

 

23 hours ago, Angst said:

. Let us know your experiences. Good luck.

 

On 06/02/2020 at 16:33, PolarBear said:

Neither Freud nor Jung are going to help. That type of psychotherapy is not going to work in treating OCD. 

I fear we have got off topic, and that I haven’t quite explained myself right, so excuse me being crude.

its not that my ocd prevents me from explaining, it’s that I am generally quite shy and talking about vaginas and bodily secretions in detail is not something I am quick to do unles I really trust the person 

I am doing cbt at the moment so I’m not sure the specific psychoanalysts are quite relevant 

vi

[Handy]

2 hours ago, vivi_x said:

 

 

 

I fear we have got off topic, and that I haven’t quite explained myself right, so excuse me being crude.

its not that my ocd prevents me from explaining, it’s that I am generally quite shy and talking about vaginas and bodily secretions in detail is not something I am quick to do unles I really trust the person 

I am doing cbt at the moment so I’m not sure the specific psychoanalysts are quite relevant 

vi

Fair enough but CBT is “C” for cognitive or how we think & so that is part of the therapy. 

[PolarBear]

3 hours ago, vivi_x said:

 

 

 

I fear we have got off topic, and that I haven’t quite explained myself right, so excuse me being crude.

its not that my ocd prevents me from explaining, it’s that I am generally quite shy and talking about vaginas and bodily secretions in detail is not something I am quick to do unles I really trust the person 

I am doing cbt at the moment so I’m not sure the specific psychoanalysts are quite relevant 

vi

We fully understand sufferers who are hesitant to talk about their obsessions. They fo so for a variety of reasons: shsme,  embarassent, fear. You are not alone.

Usually you can ease into it with a therapist. You talk broadly at first, then get specific.