Fear of contaminating other people... how to deal with this?

[Valamist]

So, umm, long story short. My mum has two different types of cancer (Lung & Melanoma) and is receiving chemotherapy, which I believe lowers the immune system. I have recently become terrified of infecting her somehow, be it when I wipe my nose, sneeze etc. A recent big offender has been when I go to the toilet and do a number two. Like, recent example, I when for a number two, but got some, umm, stuff on my hands and before cleaning them, I pulled up my trousers. I became convinced they where infected with feces, so then just put soap and water on the bit I thought I touched, before getting changed. Then I took them downstairs to the wash, but said trousers hit the side wall. I then kinda thought ‘Wait, no, this is OCD.’ And purposely lightly touched the wall with said trousers, kinda to show the OCD who is boss, you know? BIG PANIC. I feared I had purposely did it to get my mum ill, and then… I soaped the wall. It was stupid, but bah… now I fear that even putting said trousers into the washing big is ‘purposely’ infecting her, as she will end up touching said trousers… I know its stupid and I am obviously not trying to get her ill, but tell that to my head!

So… whats the proper way to deal with something like this? Part of me feels this is not even an OCD matter and it should be a hygine one. I do CBT but… that fear that by not actively warning her about possible infections I am purposely putting her in danger just will not go away…

Edited February 8, 2020 by Valamist

[OldCrazyDame]

This is definitely OCD.  I'll probably get told off for saying this but tell you mum what happened.  She can then decide what to do about the situation.  I'm sure she won't be phased by it.  You know you are not purposefully putting her in danger.  The reason you posted this is because you are trying to save her from infection.  It's just OCD rearing its ugly head again.  Be strong and keep fighting it!

[daja]

I agree with OldCrazyDame.

[BelAnna]

Hi Valamist,

You did it to show OCD who's boss!- well done, that was a brilliant move! 

Although you're right that your Mum's immune system could potentially be suppressed by certain meds and you want to take reasonable precautions- if you are sharing a house/living space then she will inevitably come into contact with faecal bacteria (yours and anyone else's that she's living with) and probably has some immunity to it. All you can do is take reasonable precautions- so washing your hands after the loo, after handling rubbish or dirty laundry, after coming in from outside and before food preparation etc. 

You did so well to try to not let OCD win this one. The thought 'maybe I did this deliberately' is just OCD trying to make you doubt your behaviour but what you did was the right thing to do.

 

[Valamist]

Thank you all! I am feeling a bit better about all this now. I know its OCD, as it now keeps jumping to other things, like it always does! OCD get rather predictable at times. I did talk to my mum a bit about it, and she was absolutely fine, bless. Now its just trying to find a balance of good hygiene (Cleaning hands after ba snezz, etc) and what to do when more complex issues pop up (Did you wipe your hands on your shirt? Did your shirt touch a towel that mum may touch?) I think the big fear is still that if mum gets ill, it could be my fault. Ehy well, time will hopefully help my mind get used to it!