Worried & Stressed

[BigDave]

On 22/02/2020 at 20:41, paradoxer said:

BigDave, everything is covered in trace elements of bodily fluids, bank notes, handrails, people shaking hands, coins, bus seats, whatever, and that's OK, ...we live in a temporal world.

In your case, what's healthier, the guy who has a w*nk then just pulls his pants back up without a cursory tissue (uncouth manners for sure), or the fella who wastes hours of his life 'cleansing' the world? 

With OCD if it's not one thing, it'll be something else. 

 

I'm assuming this applies to tonight's concern that I can't get the smell off of my hands and I've touched a million and one things. I mean, it could be the smell of soap but I can't be sure grrrr!

[paradoxer]

29 minutes ago, BigDave said:

I'm assuming this applies to tonight's concern that I can't get the smell off of my hands and I've touched a million and one things. I mean, it could be the smell of soap but I can't be sure grrrr!

Absolutely mate. As far as cognitive insight goes, be human. No one (regardless of gender) is going to think you're more lovable or sexy for aiming for the impossible daily sterility of a mental disorder. Keep resisting the siren call and it WILL fade ... at any rate, until the next OCD 'theme' comes along! 

 

[BigDave]

On 23/02/2020 at 21:20, paradoxer said:

Absolutely mate. As far as cognitive insight goes, be human. No one (regardless of gender) is going to think you're more lovable or sexy for aiming for the impossible daily sterility of a mental disorder. Keep resisting the siren call and it WILL fade ... at any rate, until the next OCD 'theme' comes along! 

Well you are bloody right about that mate; now I am fixated over passwords again which isn't the best I can tell you. Every time even the slightest weird thing happens, then I get into a complete freak out that someone has managed to get into my system or that I have typed a password somewhere by accident! I am not loving this.

[paradoxer]

1 hour ago, BigDave said:

Well you are bloody right about that mate; now I am fixated over passwords again which isn't the best I can tell you. Every time even the slightest weird thing happens, then I get into a complete freak out that someone has managed to get into my system or that I have typed a password somewhere by accident! I am not loving this.

BD, try, if you can, to see the humour in this. OCD's cry wolf syndrome is its biggest giveaway ... yes, I know, there's the standard, 'it might be different this time ... '

Try not to hate OCD too much, that just empowers it, aim for focusing on its absurdity.

Till the next theme!

Best. 

Edited February 27, 2020 by paradoxer

[BigDave]

So without being too crass, I have been doing pretty much what Polar Bear has told me to do. It’s been very uncomfortable OCD wise. Essentially the problem is that we’ve had a bit of a crisis and the dryer has broken. Consequently, I have been panicking this evening. This led to an awkward incident where after I had a shower, I still felt like I had a wet patch on my underwear where residual stuff was still there (don’t ask me why). At one point, I thought I touched my lap as I was getting changed and I tried to convince myself that I didn’t touch my bits and sniffed my hand. Then I said nope and gave in and and washed my hands anyway and then carried on and did what I needed to do. Then without thinking. I put my hand to face again touching it again to sniff it and not thinking that I hadn’t washed my face against before the last sniff. So now I think I’ve got semen on everything I’ve touched since in my room and I feel extremely awkward. Sick. I think I have to carry on and just suck it up without wiping things down but I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been. I’m so upset with myself and angry. 

[PolarBear]

Can you pick out the compulsions you did and see they only made your situation worse?

[BigDave]

smelling my hands you mean? I suppose that wasn't something that I ritualistically did but it was a checking thing so I guess it is OCD. 

[PolarBear]

[paradoxer]

7 hours ago, BigDave said:

So without being too crass, I have been doing pretty much what Polar Bear has told me to do. It’s been very uncomfortable OCD wise. Essentially the problem is that we’ve had a bit of a crisis and the dryer has broken. Consequently, I have been panicking this evening. This led to an awkward incident where after I had a shower, I still felt like I had a wet patch on my underwear where residual stuff was still there (don’t ask me why). At one point, I thought I touched my lap as I was getting changed and I tried to convince myself that I didn’t touch my bits and sniffed my hand. Then I said nope and gave in and and washed my hands anyway and then carried on and did what I needed to do. Then without thinking. I put my hand to face again touching it again to sniff it and not thinking that I hadn’t washed my face against before the last sniff. So now I think I’ve got semen on everything I’ve touched since in my room and I feel extremely awkward. Sick. I think I have to carry on and just suck it up without wiping things down but I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been. I’m so upset with myself and angry. 

Come, come ... get a grip ... (perhaps not the best turn of phrase). 

[paradoxer]

PS it's the same old tedious rubbish, let it go. It's nothing. At your rate, no one would get anything done, live in the world, it's only a brief stay. 

[BigDave]

18 hours ago, paradoxer said:

Come, come ... get a grip ... (perhaps not the best turn of phrase). 

 

18 hours ago, paradoxer said:

PS it's the same old tedious rubbish, let it go. It's nothing. At your rate, no one would get anything done, live in the world, it's only a brief stay. 

Thanks paradoxer and thanks PD, you're great people. 

I am just in a really bad place mentally it seems. It just so happens that the tumble dryer broke on Monday and that has been disturbing me that I cannot get things washed because of anything getting on my clothes, i.e. bodily fluids of any kind or excrement or what have you. I know it is OCD making me think about all this so much but you can imagine how hard it is for me.

Overall though, I am in a really bad place mentally. I am trying on one hand to fight this thing with everything I've got but I find myself checking things a lot more and worrying that people have seen things, or I have accidentally disclosed information or said things and will be in trouble or whatever. I feel like I am always making mistakes and ruminating on things. For example, I wiped my Apple TV box and then i noticed that there were scratches on it. I know it's all part of wear and tear but all I could think of was what if I just did that now. And then i get really angry and upset with myself for being so stupid and careless.  I really do hate myself. I am just immensely fed up with this situation and that I feel like I am doing everything I can but it isn't good enough. I can't believe I scratched my apple TV. It's something I value a lot and I damaged it. Yes, it's wear and tear but man was I stupid for wiping it. 

And for all this checking, I know half the time it's my imagination - I haven't revealed passwords or have people spying on me or whatever and catching me when I am just the slightest bit vulnerable but it is starting to hit me hard. 

I feel like I want to lock myself in a room and just get into the foetal position!!!!!

 

[paradoxer]

5 hours ago, BigDave said:

 

Thanks paradoxer and thanks PD, you're great people. 

I am just in a really bad place mentally it seems. It just so happens that the tumble dryer broke on Monday and that has been disturbing me that I cannot get things washed because of anything getting on my clothes, i.e. bodily fluids of any kind or excrement or what have you. I know it is OCD making me think about all this so much but you can imagine how hard it is for me.

Overall though, I am in a really bad place mentally. I am trying on one hand to fight this thing with everything I've got but I find myself checking things a lot more and worrying that people have seen things, or I have accidentally disclosed information or said things and will be in trouble or whatever. I feel like I am always making mistakes and ruminating on things. For example, I wiped my Apple TV box and then i noticed that there were scratches on it. I know it's all part of wear and tear but all I could think of was what if I just did that now. And then i get really angry and upset with myself for being so stupid and careless.  I really do hate myself. I am just immensely fed up with this situation and that I feel like I am doing everything I can but it isn't good enough. I can't believe I scratched my apple TV. It's something I value a lot and I damaged it. Yes, it's wear and tear but man was I stupid for wiping it. 

And for all this checking, I know half the time it's my imagination - I haven't revealed passwords or have people spying on me or whatever and catching me when I am just the slightest bit vulnerable but it is starting to hit me hard. 

I feel like I want to lock myself in a room and just get into the foetal position!!!!!

 

Sorry mate, you know, no one's claiming the siren call of OCD is easy to beat, it isn't, you're damned if you do ... you're just more damned if you jump to its tune. Brief, tenuous false 'relief', then deeper into the mire. Try to let its ubiquity help you ... only a fake bully would find everything a trigger. And try, if you can to take that bigger thing on board, we only get one shot at this dance, and when you're dead, it's for a long time. Live life. Don't let a silly disorder boss you around. 

[BigDave]

15 hours ago, paradoxer said:

Sorry mate, you know, no one's claiming the siren call of OCD is easy to beat, it isn't, you're damned if you do ... you're just more damned if you jump to its tune. Brief, tenuous false 'relief', then deeper into the mire. Try to let its ubiquity help you ... only a fake bully would find everything a trigger. And try, if you can to take that bigger thing on board, we only get one shot at this dance, and when you're dead, it's for a long time. Live life. Don't let a silly disorder boss you around. 

Bud I am really trying but this semen thing is killing me again. I have been reading the forums for ages and listening to other people talk about it and I can’t get it out of my head. I’m trying to get it through to my head that it really is nothing significant. It’s just water and nutrients and cells and it’s harmless. But I just feel like it is everywhere and on me and on everything that my lap touches. Part of me thinks, well some people say it isn’t a big deal but is that because I have OCD and not because it isn’t a big deal. Sperm in my head is worse than urine and nearly as bad as poop. And both are HORRIBLE. I so want to beat this. Tell me what exposure therapies to do. 

[paradoxer]

1 hour ago, BigDave said:

Bud I am really trying but this semen thing is killing me again. I have been reading the forums for ages and listening to other people talk about it and I can’t get it out of my head. I’m trying to get it through to my head that it really is nothing significant. It’s just water and nutrients and cells and it’s harmless. But I just feel like it is everywhere and on me and on everything that my lap touches. Part of me thinks, well some people say it isn’t a big deal but is that because I have OCD and not because it isn’t a big deal. Sperm in my head is worse than urine and nearly as bad as poop. And both are HORRIBLE. I so want to beat this. Tell me what exposure therapies to do. 

Firstly, try to keep in mind - and this won't be 'graphic', just direct, that many attractive women (I guess you're a straight guy, if not, apologies, make that men) are far less fazed by trace spunk than you - again this isn't the place, but in some instances it's even 'embraced'. No? I mention that as a fact and also to remind you of how redundant your concerns are. That said, everything is 'contaminated', you can do it, wean yourself off sterilized cleanliness. I'm guessing every time you masturbate, you bath or shower. Most people, men and woman don't feel the need to do that. As for those 'trace elements', once you accept them as normal (they are), you'll suffer less. Being beholden to the absurd call of OCD is far more contaminating. Try washing less, including changing your underpants less often. You can do it. 

And OCD will find any old way to get you. 

Best. 

Edited March 4, 2020 by paradoxer

[BigDave]

Thanks man, you're a star! 

 

I really appreciate you bearing with me on this and I'm going to really push myself to get better over this.

Edited March 5, 2020 by BigDave

[paradoxer]

Cheers,  the only way is forward ... you can get there.