Past mistake(s)

[Ironborn]

Hi all,

A lot of my ocd is about past mistakes and wrongdoings, it's so hard to ignore those thoughts just because they are based on something that did really happen in the past.

One that came into my mind today is about an incident when i was about 21 - 22 yrs old. (im 32 now btw). Me and some friends of mine were in a bar having a lot of drinks and even some dr*gs were involved (i know that's bad and i have not done dr*gs for years now and never will again). at some point a friend of mine got into an argument with another guy or group and this got out of control real fast and before we knew it they were rolling on the ground fighting, i remember that without any hesitation i threw a punch towards the head of one of the guys (it's very blurry to remember since its so long back and i was quite intoxicated). after that i really don't remember much and everything went by in a split second until the bouncers were there and threw us out.

But now like 12 years later i feel huge amounts of guilt like, what if the person i might have hit went paralyzed by that? or even died or traumatized? did i hit the right person? or was he maybe not involved and innocent? well i can keep going on and on. I know aggression and violence are never ok but it was a split moment decision where a friend of mine was being attacked (at least that is how i remember it). I have never ever been in such a situation again and i really don't like aggression or violence. Actually im a very peaceful person and i feel a big inner struggle about this situation. anyone got some advice?

[PolarBear]

Yeah. Forget about it. 

What's the point of worrying about it now? What good will that do? What will it accomplish?

Do you know what all the compulsions ftom this thrme are? Punishment. Just how long are you going to punish yourself for what perhaps millions of people have done?

[dksea]

14 hours ago, Ironborn said:

But now like 12 years later i feel huge amounts of guilt like, what if the person i might have hit went paralyzed by that? or even died or traumatized? did i hit the right person? or was he maybe not involved and innocent? well i can keep going on and on. I know aggression and violence are never ok but it was a split moment decision where a friend of mine was being attacked (at least that is how i remember it). I have never ever been in such a situation again and i really don't like aggression or violence. Actually im a very peaceful person and i feel a big inner struggle about this situation. anyone got some advice?

What if you threw a can in the recycling bin, a person at the waste center dropped it while processing the recycling, they tripped and fell and hit their head while going to pick it up, the trauma caused a blood clot which eventually worked its way loose, gave them an aneurysm and they did.  I can sit here all day coming up with "what if" scenarios based on ANY action you have ever taken or not taken.  You have no way of controlling every possible aspect of every situation in the universe.  Further, even when you do something "bad" it is not the end of the world.  You are far from the first person to have ever made a mistake in life, and you will not be the last.  Holding yourself to this level of responsibility and guilt is not rational.  it is not about being a "good person", its about OCD demanding absolutely certainty.  The more time you spend ruminating on this, feeling guilty over it, dwelling on it, etc. the worse off you will be.  It will do no one any good no matter what happened in the past.  Let it go, forgive yourself, and move on.  When the doubt creeps in (and it will for awhile) remind yourself you don't have to play OCD's game, reduce/avoid compulsions like ruminating about it, and move on.  Its the best thing you can do.  Anything else is unfair to you and a waste of your time.

[paradoxer]

Drugs? OMG. You devil!

A pretty good yardstick of OCD, among others, is if something didn't matter before, and now is the most anxiety producing, guilt inducing thing ... it's OCD's silly siren call.Toss it in the proverbial rubbish bin, and move on. 

[AnxiousAnnie]

No further comments or advice but just to say that I have this form of OCD too and it sucks. It has currently been overtaken by health anxiety but I know that if I don't knuckle down with my CBT then it will be back as it has been before! 

[paradoxer]

8 hours ago, AnxiousAnnie said:

No further comments or advice but just to say that I have this form of OCD too and it sucks. It has currently been overtaken by health anxiety but I know that if I don't knuckle down with my CBT then it will be back as it has been before! 

OCD's like that air cushion, you push one side down, the other pops up. 

[AnxiousAnnie]

10 hours ago, paradoxer said:

OCD's like that air cushion, you push one side down, the other pops up. 

That's very true. 

[paradoxer]

19 hours ago, AnxiousAnnie said:

That's very true. 

Yep!