Social Worker calling in on me

[gingerbreadgirl]

On 19/02/2020 at 14:45, Nikki79 said:

Hi guys, thanks all so much for your support and the meeting I felt went well. I explained to the Social Worker that I’ve been engaging with this website and gave her the risk assessment forms. She was appreciative of that. She spoke with me at length about the nature of my thoughts and then my partner and parents. She felt it was all very positive. She now is writing to my Therapist and GP for more information but I feel it has gone well.

so glad the meeting went well Nikki  

[Nikki79]

Thanks so much guys and was so happy  to have the information sheet for the Social Worker and also the tools that Taurean gave me that his wife Julie used. I also felt I was not alone both by the support given here and my own family and partner came through for me also. I started the day on 0 and by the end was up to 10. I’m grateful to everyone here for your help and I thought when I was sat there explaining my thoughts and my OCD that I was also doing you guys proud and doing it for us who suffer silently with this disorder. I told her strongly OCD is a huge part of me but I am also Nicola and that is even bigger. This is something we must all remember, OCD is not all of us just a part. 

[daja]

Well done Nikki

[taurean]

44 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

Thanks so much guys and was so happy  to have the information sheet for the Social Worker and also the tools that Taurean gave me that his wife Julie used. I also felt I was not alone both by the support given here and my own family and partner came through for me also. I started the day on 0 and by the end was up to 10. I’m grateful to everyone here for your help and I thought when I was sat there explaining my thoughts and my OCD that I was also doing you guys proud and doing it for us who suffer silently with this disorder. I told her strongly OCD is a huge part of me but I am also Nicola and that is even bigger. This is something we must all remember, OCD is not all of us just a part. 

That's great. We don't choose to be sufferers - and around 1% of the population has OCD that significantly impacts upon their daily lives. 

I am pleased for you and pleased that our group here pitched in to help and support you. 

I am especially proud that we picked you up from the floor and floated you out engaging freely and openly with the social worker and her responding well to that. 

I am not generally operational on the main forums, just in the member's area, but I couldn't not step in to help Nikki in her hour of need, and I am so glad that I did. 

[dksea]

8 hours ago, taurean said:

Because we aren't in the U. S. and have a different system. 

And this would have put far too much meaning into what was simply a checking out and understanding process. 

How we advised Nikki, and what she took to the meeting with the materials provided, provided a low key but helpful environment for the social worker to understand Nikki's issues, then approach her medical advisers. 

Spot on!  

[hazydaze]

4 hours ago, Nikki79 said:

Thanks so much guys and was so happy  to have the information sheet for the Social Worker and also the tools that Taurean gave me that his wife Julie used. I also felt I was not alone both by the support given here and my own family and partner came through for me also. I started the day on 0 and by the end was up to 10. I’m grateful to everyone here for your help and I thought when I was sat there explaining my thoughts and my OCD that I was also doing you guys proud and doing it for us who suffer silently with this disorder. I told her strongly OCD is a huge part of me but I am also Nicola and that is even bigger. This is something we must all remember, OCD is not all of us just a part. 

Aweee so proud of you girl, that last bit made my wanna cry haha. Great job @nikki79 

[humbleno1]

Im happy it all turned out well, but why is this still happening? its extremely damaging to the person suffering and it just makes people not want to seek help. This makes me angry and depressed.

[dksea]

18 minutes ago, humbleno1 said:

Im happy it all turned out well, but why is this still happening? its extremely damaging to the person suffering and it just makes people not want to seek help. This makes me angry and depressed.

Because each situation is different and while a person who has OCD might not be a risk based on intrusive thoughts, not every person who reports such thoughts is suffering from OCD and children, sadly can be harmed by their caregivers.  Its necessary and good to have processes in place to double check situations where risk MIGHT be present to help those in need, whether it be the sufferer, their children or both.  Its very easy for those of us who have deep knowledge and experience with OCD to judge OCD related situations, but not everyone has that knowledge, nor can they always have it as we are each limited in how much we can know about everything.  Doctors, social workers, etc. have a lot to manage and most genuinely are trying their best.  

[humbleno1]

1 minute ago, dksea said:

Because each situation is different and while a person who has OCD might not be a risk based on intrusive thoughts, not every person who reports such thoughts is suffering from OCD and children, sadly can be harmed by their caregivers.  Its necessary and good to have processes in place to double check situations where risk MIGHT be present to help those in need, whether it be the sufferer, their children or both.  Its very easy for those of us who have deep knowledge and experience with OCD to judge OCD related situations, but not everyone has that knowledge, nor can they always have it as we are each limited in how much we can know about everything.  Doctors, social workers, etc. have a lot to manage and most genuinely are trying their best.  

I dont really agree, I think if someone shows a lack of certainty at any point, they should not be "investigated". Why open up them only to be scrutinized? and once theyve checked there boxes we are going to help u and tell u what u already know. Its traumatic, it could put someone over the edge, and people have lost there jobs because of it, because essentially you are being treat ultimately as an offender, for having a lack of insight. If you express distress at the thought and a lack of insight it shouldnt be warranted to be investigated because at the end of the day thats all they are looking for at that point anyway, its unnecessary.

[dksea]

1 hour ago, humbleno1 said:

I dont really agree, I think if someone shows a lack of certainty at any point, they should not be "investigated". Why open up them only to be scrutinized? and once theyve checked there boxes we are going to help u and tell u what u already know. Its traumatic, it could put someone over the edge, and people have lost there jobs because of it, because essentially you are being treat ultimately as an offender, for having a lack of insight. If you express distress at the thought and a lack of insight it shouldnt be warranted to be investigated because at the end of the day thats all they are looking for at that point anyway, its unnecessary.

When a medical professional hears something that indicates that someone, especially a child, might be in danger they are duty bound (and probably legally bound) to report it.  That is absolutely necessary.

Yes it is unfortunate that this results in distress for people like Nikki, but the alternative is to allow people, particularly children to be placed at greater risk for fear of "triggering" someone who is not a threat.  I'm sorry that it has to be that way, but there is no way around it.  It is impossible for every medical professional to be able to fully investigate and understand each situation like this they find themselves in at that moment.  They can't possibly be deeply informed about every possible situation, they can't know what the situation is like at home, they have limited information and have to do the best that they can with that.  Raising the issue for people who DO have more training and DO have more time to investigate is absolutely the right step to take.

It is impossible to live in a world that eliminates all possible sources of distress, and expecting the world to cater to the anxieties of every OCD sufferer (let alone all those who suffer from other conditions) is just not logical.  Yes REASONABLE steps should be taken to allow people to live their lives, but what you are suggesting goes beyond reasonable, it would be prioritizing the needs of OCD victims over all others in all circumstances.  That may not be your intent but that is what would have to happen in order for your preferred outcome to be true.  Sometimes we, as OCD sufferers, have to deal with unpleasant situations, just as non-sufferers do.  Thats life.  

And yes, I fully acknowledge that not all such situations are carried out with the appropriate care.  Sadly people are imperfect, systems are imperfect, mistakes are made and situations can go south.  When that happens, when problems in the system can be identified they should, by all means, be responded to in an appropriate fashion.  And the people who are negatively affected have every right to be upset and demand recourse and recovery. However, that does not mean throwing out the entire system is the correct response, because that merely shifts the burden to others, and in a situation like this that burden could be much greater and much more dire.

Edited February 21, 2020 by dksea

[dksea]

To use a real world example, consider vaccines.  Vaccines save lives, this is without a doubt true.  Hundreds of millions probably billions of lives have been saved since the invention of vaccines.  Entire diseases have been completely or nearly wiped out.  The lack of a vaccine for the latest corona virus is one of the reasons people are concerned and why they are working on developing such a vaccine already. 

Yet at the same time, a very small percentage of people will have adverse reactions to vaccines.  And some of those adverse reactions are severe or even fatal.  In some cases this can be prevented by not giving people with known risks the vaccine, but its not always possible to know this before hand.  Sometimes people who otherwise seem healthy respond poorly to a vaccine and are tragically affected.  That is a fact, a sad, tragic fact.

However the fact that there is some small risk for adverse reactions does not mean we should abandon vaccines altogether, the alternative is far worse.  While it may be true that an individual is more likely to be negatively affected by taking a vaccine than not, there is an overall greater good at play that absolutely matters.

The same is true when it comes to potential child danger/child abuse.  Thankfully not all potentially bad situations are actually bad.  As in Nikki's case there are circumstances where the child is not at risk even though a warning sign has been raised.  Thats the good outcome.  But there are not good outcomes too, there are times where the risk flag is raised because the risk is real.  You and I and other members of this forum have the dubious honor of understanding OCD deeply.  If we are presented with such a situation we can respond with that knowledge.  But not everyone does or can have that level of knowledge.  The system needs to account for that, the system needs to weigh the potential upsides and downsides and try to achieve the maximum good.  As in the case of all human made systems it will be imperfect, and by all means we should strive to improve and correct it when bad outcomes happen.  But overall the goal of protection is valid and worthy.  It is a necessary good and the potential benefit outweighs the potential cost overall.  This may be small comfort to the individuals who fall on the wrong side of the system unfairly, and again they have the right to be upset because of it.  But it is, none the less the cost of living in a society.  The only way to prevent the possibility of people interfering with your life in ways you might not like (justified or not) is to live apart from others completely.  As soon as two people or more come together, no one can have absolute rights without taking them away from others.  It becomes a balancing act, and the more people involved the more complicated it is to get things right (an impossible task in fact) so we must do our best.

 

[Nikki79]

Thanks guys for your input and I do understand it is frustrating what happens but I do agree with Dksea that the child is a priority but I would prefer if Social Services had an understanding of OCD. For example the lady that called to me last Wednesday openly admitted to having no real knowledge of OCD. I find that astounding to be honest. It made me feel uncomfortable about talking about my thoughts but I did my best to explain even when my own doubt was creeping in as you can imagine. 

Actually yesterday I had a surprisingly good day after such a traumatic day the day before. I wanted to ask you what you think about what is going through my head since if you don’t mind. So basically they called my OCD- ‘OCD with thoughts of a paedophilic nature’ so I found hay very disturbing as I never call it that and my thoughts aren’t fully that. Yes they aren’t nice but not very detailed. Anyway my partner came in from work quite upset that they called it ‘OCD with p... thoughts’ and he said he would like to explain to them that it is not really that. I told them I did explain that to the lady as best I could and especially as the horrific questions she was asking me are thoughts I would be horrified to have. Anyway my partner triggered me to feel upset over this as he was saying those aren’t your thoughts and you have not done anything. I was angry and said listen please don’t say that as that triggers my OCD and it’s better not to argue whether I’m guilty or not what works for me is if I just don’t argue with it and thinks it’s OCD and that’s it. I had intrusive thoughts then saying I was guilty but also had thoughts were I thought these thoughts that are worrying me were during rumination etc.. Anyway I feel a little shaky and unsure about this when I was doing pretty good after my traumatic day and wasn’t spending time on my worries. What do you think of what I said to my partner and any thoughts I would greatly appreciate thank you! 

[taurean]

I think you leave things be. 

You explained what your thoughts are to the lady. Your therapist and the doctor know that too and will explain the difference. 

Simply let things play out. Ignore what your partner said and don't let it trigger you. 

 

[Nikki79]

Ok Taurean, I think that’s a good plan  

[Angst]

I agree with Taurean and you. Do not ruminate and let  things play out. 

Edited February 21, 2020 by Angst

[Nikki79]

I think I am managing to not ruminate on Wednesday’s events but my problem is it’s causing me to have my recurrent worry come into my head a lot and I need to not be paying that attention but it loves to tell me the worst news. I’m sure this is the case for all of us with OCD.

Edited February 21, 2020 by Nikki79

[BM94]

13 hours ago, Nikki79 said:

but it loves to tell me the worst news. I’m sure this is the case for all of us with OCD

Ohhhh yes!

If my OCD was accurate with its worst news I would be getting locked up in a maximum security prison/mental asylum, my family would disown me and I'd never have a life again.. hehe!

But I'm not because it's OCD and that's all it is. That's why it's kinda funny when you look at it from a mindful perspective! It's thoughts that originate in your own brain and do not need to be given the time of day

 

 

 

 

[humbleno1]

they arent pedophilic thats ********.

[Nikki79]

I just so badly want to feel good and free. What can I say? No more dark clouds of worry haunting me but can I tell you I have had more positive thoughts that I’ve nothing to worry about it but then then the doubt comes back. I just need to do what you guys say and not give any thoughts that are vying for my attention time that are OCD related. I deserve that don’t I? I deserve to enjoy my life and family. 

[taurean]

You need to be patient. You are driving too hard. 

Yesterday my therapist picked up on that again with me (as do the members here) and we simply have to work the therapy and trust what we are being told. 

[Nikki79]

3 hours ago, taurean said:

You need to be patient. You are driving too hard. 

Yesterday my therapist picked up on that again with me (as do the members here) and we simply have to work the therapy and trust what we are being told. 

Yes that does make sense. I suspect I have negative thoughts about my OCD come into my head a lot Taurean. 

We have to trust in our diagnosis and what we are being told and what we need to do but I guess it’s the nature of our beast to make us doubt isn’t it?

[Nikki79]

I feel like I have failed to miserably this evening and ruminated to try and feel better. Now I just feel anxious and scared cos of the thoughts. I just remember the initial concern and saw why it worried me and then think maybe I should be worried. It’s so horrible, so utterly scary. I keep thinking if I can remember that original worry I can see why I think I’m guilty. Of course when I half remember this I feel terrible straight away. I feel scared.

Edited February 22, 2020 by Nikki79

[taurean]

This is exactly what you must NOT do. 

None of this helps and only cements the FEAR that you might (says OCD) have done something wrong. 

Never mind. Stop now and switch your attention away. 

[Nikki79]

7 minutes ago, taurean said:

This is exactly what you must NOT do. 

None of this helps and only cements the FEAR that you might (says OCD) have done something wrong. 

Never mind. Stop now and switch your attention away. 

I know and the worst thing is I got an image of me doing something from that very day that I had the recurrent thought. It felt familiar and I got a fright with it and this is what rumination leads us to doesn’t it? More fearful thoughts 

[taurean]

26 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

I know and the worst thing is I got an image of me doing something from that very day that I had the recurrent thought. It felt familiar and I got a fright with it and this is what rumination leads us to doesn’t it? More fearful thoughts 

Images are part and parcel of OCD's game but are just made up imagination. 

Try just now to picture a lake and you will do. 

So if your OCD 'd mind wants to conjure up an image it's a piece of cake. 

OCD images are often vague, indistinct, to add torment and suggest uncertainty. Follow that route and we are hooked, line and sinker