Social Worker calling in on me

[Nikki79]

I don’t know anymore

[Nikki79]

I feel like I’m desperate this evening, that I’m so low, so sad, so worthless that I deserve no kindness, no love no nothing. I want to feel like I have done no wrong and I’m a good person but what I’m going through is hell and I don’t know how to make it better as nothing seems to help.

[Bewildered again]

When are you seeing your Dr again. Tomorrow's another day nikki. I do understand how you feel. Your not alone and you will get better don't forget that this will pass x

[Nikki79]

7 minutes ago, Bewildered again said:

When are you seeing your Dr again. Tomorrow's another day nikki. I do understand how you feel. Your not alone and you will get better don't forget that this will pass x

I don’t have any appointments at the moment. Apparently there is one in the post for an appointment soon with a member of a mental health team. I don’t even know who I am meeting yet. They marked it urgent but that was a month ago. Do you think I’m a bad person?

How are you coping now with everything? Do you feel better? Are you managing ok with your children?

Edited February 23, 2020 by Nikki79

[Bewildered again]

I do feel better although I have a lot of anxiety tonight as my dad's gone home this morning back to Scotland. I'm just trying to ignore the I can't cope thoughts as best I can but I have a lot of sensations. Buzzing in my head jittery tummy ect. I feel full of fear but I have to face it x

[Bewildered again]

5 minutes ago, Bewildered again said:

I do feel better although I have a lot of anxiety tonight as my dad's gone home this morning back to Scotland. I'm just trying to ignore the I can't cope thoughts as best I can but I have a lot of sensations. Buzzing in my head jittery tummy ect. I feel full of fear but I have to face it x

 

26 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

I don’t have any appointments at the moment. Apparently there is one in the post for an appointment soon with a member of a mental health team. I don’t even know who I am meeting yet. They marked it urgent but that was a month ago. Do you think I’m a bad person?

How are you coping now with everything? Do you feel better? Are you managing ok with your children?

I'm seeing my gp weekly at the moment just to check in.  Maybe you can consider that as an option? 

Edited February 23, 2020 by Bewildered again

[Nikki79]

I know what you mean by the ‘can’t cope thoughts.’ I have to ignore similar. It’s  awful but I’m dreading having to look after my toddler tomorrow because I just feel so spent and need to take some time for myself. I love her to bits but I don’t get a break. 

I couldn’t see my GP weekly as it’s 50 euro every time and there is only one don is working currently in the house.

Edited February 23, 2020 by Nikki79

[Bewildered again]

1 minute ago, Nikki79 said:

I know what you mean by the ‘can’t cope thoughts.’ I have to ignore similar. It’s  awful but I’m dreading having to look after my toddler tomorrow because I just feel so spent and need to take some time for myself. I love her to bits but I don’t get a break. 

You need support right now nik x can you keep yourself busy, visit a friend? Also consider checking in with your gp x

[Nikki79]

My Dad said he would phone me in the morning. Do you ever worry that you have done bad but can’t remember? Just wondering what challenges you x

[taurean]

This is not an element of my OCD but it is with themes such as yours. 

We have to believe what knowledgeable others say, not what our brain is trying to tell us. 

This is at the heart of recovery. 

As is stopping compulsions when we spot them and focusing onto other things. 

Is there a mum's and toddlers group nearby to which you can go? 

Can your boyfriend take some care responsibility in the evening, at weekends? 

[taurean]

11 hours ago, Nikki79 said:

Do you think I’m a bad person?

This is re-assurance seeking Nikki. You know that, and you know the only thing giving you that thought is your OCD, which you continue to fear being true. 

Try not to ruminate today, and keep focusing away from it when it tries to engage your brain in conversation. 

[Nikki79]

3 hours ago, taurean said:

This is not an element of my OCD but it is with themes such as yours. 

We have to believe what knowledgeable others say, not what our brain is trying to tell us. 

This is at the heart of recovery. 

As is stopping compulsions when we spot them and focusing onto other things. 

Is there a mum's and toddlers group nearby to which you can go? 

Can your boyfriend take some care responsibility in the evening, at weekends? 

I was awake at 3 in the morning bawling crying and ended up staying on the couch downstairs. I was thinking of ways I could exit this world to be honest Taurean. I just feel at my wit’s end. I made my boyfriend ring in sick today as I said I just can’t cope and mind my little girl today.

[Nikki79]

3 hours ago, taurean said:

This is re-assurance seeking Nikki. You know that, and you know the only thing giving you that thought is your OCD, which you continue to fear being true. 

Try not to ruminate today, and keep focusing away from it when it tries to engage your brain in conversation. 

I’m so tired Taurean but the worry is relentless in my brain and my mood is so low. 

[Nikki79]

2 hours ago, Petal said:

Thinking of you Nikki. I also struggle in a Similar way, I don’t have an officiaL ocd diagnosis but prev therapist assessed me on this scale. All the symptoms are present in fact extremely rife at present  I.e. false memory, rumination, anxiety, reassurance seeking etc,  If i had to face what you have to Nikki would I face more severe consequences as I haven’t officially been diagnosed by a psychiatrist? 

Thanks mate. I’m sorry you have this. I think there are good people you will meet who will help you. There is just  some I ignorance out there to OCD.

[Bewildered again]

3 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

I’m so tired Taurean but the worry is relentless in my brain and my mood is so low. 

Hi nikki how are you feeling now? Are you living in Ireland?  Sorry about the quotes I don't know how I managed to add them to my message and I can't seem to delete them

16 hours ago, Nikki79 said:

It will be OK nikki xx 

[Nikki79]

Hi Bewildered no problem. I’m living in Ireland yes. I didn’t sleep last night and now I’m in bed whilst my partner minds my little one. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just feel like I can’t cope and I’m unable I lift myself out of this nightmare. 

[gingerbreadgirl]

Hang in there nikki. Things can and will get better xx 

[Nikki79]

26 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Hang in there nikki. Things can and will get better xx 

I can’t believe how low I’ve sunk and just don’t know what to do now.

[BM94]

1 hour ago, Nikki79 said:

1 hour ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Hang in there nikki. Things can and will get better xx 

I can’t believe how low I’ve sunk and just don’t know what to do now

You do know what to do Nikki, you need to follow the advice given by Taurean, PB, dksea and everyone on here so far. OCD will hit you with everything it can, but it's your job to dismiss the thoughts and the sensations that they bring - because it is *unimportant*

Things seem hard, and yes you will have really bad moments with your OCD, but your perseverance and your commitment to being rid of it will be stronger than OCD ever could be.

We are all here to support you, but i fear we've fallen back into the trap of reassuring you by saying it's all ok and you will get better. The important thing to remember here is this - YOU have the ability, courage, strength and determination to beat your OCD, and overcoming it starts with you - You have to be the one to make that first move.

Chin up

[Bewildered again]

Hi nikki I'm in county Cork. Would you go and see your gp? 

[Nikki79]

2 minutes ago, Bewildered again said:

Hi nikki I'm in county Cork. Would you go and see your gp? 

What??? Really? So am I. I live in Cork City.

I will go and see someone this week I promise.

[Bewildered again]

5 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

What??? Really? So am I. I live in Cork City.

I will go and see someone this week I promise.

No way I'm in skibbereen are we allowed to share contact details here? 

[Nikki79]

9 minutes ago, BM94 said:

You do know what to do Nikki, you need to follow the advice given by Taurean, PB, dksea and everyone on here so far. OCD will hit you with everything it can, but it's your job to dismiss the thoughts and the sensations that they bring - because it is *unimportant*

Things seem hard, and yes you will have really bad moments with your OCD, but your perseverance and your commitment to being rid of it will be stronger than OCD ever could be.

We are all here to support you, but i fear we've fallen back into the trap of reassuring you by saying it's all ok and you will get better. The important thing to remember here is this - YOU have the ability, courage, strength and determination to beat your OCD, and overcoming it starts with you - You have to be the one to make that first move.

Chin up

Why am I failing at this soooooo much? I mean why can’t I believe what everyone tells me? I swear I’m not a stubborn person, I just have so much self doubt and guilt. I mean I reckon I was born with a bigger dose than normal people. I feel guilty BM94 if I don’t try and deal with the worry that’s in my mind as everytime I look at my child I feel guilty or worried that I might have harmed her with what these thoughts tell me you know?

[Nikki79]

2 minutes ago, Bewildered again said:

No way I'm in skibbereen are we allowed to share contact details here? 

I can’t believe it If ever you didn’t believe that what we suffer from isn’t common now you know my friend! Is your name Nicola also? 

[taurean]

37 minutes ago, Bewildered again said:

No way I'm in skibbereen are we allowed to share contact details here? 

Not on the open forum here that would be unsafe. 

Edited February 24, 2020 by taurean