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Real Event OCD / Drunk Driving


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Hi, everyone -- I was wondering if I could get some advice support here. I have decided, after years of abusing alcohol that I am going to finally stop drinking for good. It's the only way that I can see how to end the self-destruction that's been plaguing me for years.

Long story short - my wife and I are having marital problems and it's been a real challenge to not drink the pain away for the last month or so. Two nights ago, after having not eaten all day, I drank 10 beers. I'm 195 pounds, but I'm still a "light weight" and that mixed with not eating, made me feel completely obliterated drunk. I started drinking at around 8:00 that night and didn't stop until 12:30.

I went to work the next morning at around 11:30am. I didn't feel drunk when I left the house. I was lost in thought, perhaps maybe still impaired by the alcohol and nearly killed a man by merging into his lane and almost causing him to hit a wall. He exited the interstate safely after this and I tried unsuccessfully to find him, but I couldn't. I wanted to apologize.

I feel such an intense guilt not knowing if the alcohol truly played a role in my slip up on the road. Either way, I'm stopping drinking. It has been nothing but unhelpful for me. How can I forgive myself? Should I forgive myself?

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Hi ibc 

The fact that you called it real event ocd suggests you know a bit about how this kind of thing works already. 

Ocd loves these moral grey areas that we all have. Things that are not exactly saintly and have a kernel of truth in them, but that ocd turns into something major (which it isn't). 

pretty much every person on earth will have a handful of these types of events if they're honest. Not necessarily exactly like this but something which is a little off, maybe not quite living up to their values. People without ocd may feel a little guilt, may think about it from time to time. But with ocd it becomes all consuming, chugging over and over, growing and growing the more you try to make it better. 

The key is to sit with this discomfort and uncertainty and just leave it alone, give it space in your mind but don't do anything with it. Accept it as something that's happened and move on. 

It's great that you've decided to give up alcohol well done ??

Edited by gingerbreadgirl
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You know what I'm not going for the usual, you can't be sure advice, and say ..

You had been drinking heavily, and nearby had a bad accident, Was it the booze?, Well in this case we may as well say yes, 

Yes it was the drink and you got away with it , you have been given a second chance, don't screw it up, with self pity.

You have decided to give up drinking, good, it s obviously a problem.

How do you forgive yourself, by taking advantage of the chance you have been given, and living your best life.

You have made a mistake and now you have the chance to learn from it.

Good luck

 

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