Real Event OCD

[Polar30]

Hello,

I was wondering if there are any people on here who have experience with 'Real event OCD'?

The last few weeks I've been worrying about something that I did years ago. All of a sudden it just popped back into my mind and I've been obsessing over it ever since. There are moments when I simply can't stop ruminating, even though that's obviously not helping.

I'd prefer not to go into too much detail right now, but I realize that what I did was simply pathetic and I would never do it again. There are moments when I feel guilty/ashamed and think to myself: "How on earth could you do something like that? You're pathetic." There are also brief moments when I feel a bit better about myself, but those usually don't last very long.

I've been reading some articles about real event OCD and have been looking up experiences of other people. Most of what I read makes sense and sounds familiar. However, I've read that reassurance doesn't help, because it usually only lasts for a brief moment before you start obsessing about something else. I'm not sure if that'd would also be the case for me, because this is the first 'real thing' that I've been obsessing about and I can't think of anything else I've ever done that would trigger this. And honestly, this worries me that I've actually done something bad.

I was wondering if there are any people on here who have experience with this type of OCD and are or have been going through the same thing? If so, I would love to chat!

[paradoxer]

Firstly, it doesn't matter if someone has the 'same' OCD as you, since OCD is OCD is OCD  ... the content/theme is irrelevant. But sufferers focusing on something in the past is extremely common. It's a cliched OCD trope. Invariably the sufferer didn't care/worry about the event before, then suddenly it seems the most anxiety provoking, terrible thing in the world. It's just OCD rubbish. Put it down. 

[AnxiousAnnie]

Yep I have this. And even when I've thought nothing else from the last could possibly do the same, lo and behold, something else comes up. I can confirm reassurance seeking doesn't help!

[dksea]

The worst OCD obsession is the one you are currently struggling with, doesn’t matter the category, including “real life” situations. All OCD is about real life when you think about it, we fear something bad, whether it’s because of something that already happened and people finding out about it, something happening in the future we don’t want, it’s always about fear and doubt. Same meat, different gravy. 

[paradoxer]

8 hours ago, dksea said:

The worst OCD obsession is the one you are currently struggling with 

'Oh, if only I could just have that last spike back, it wasn't as bad as this ... !'

[Polar30]

On 29/02/2020 at 04:34, paradoxer said:

Firstly, it doesn't matter if someone has the 'same' OCD as you, since OCD is OCD is OCD  ... the content/theme is irrelevant. But sufferers focusing on something in the past is extremely common. It's a cliched OCD trope. Invariably the sufferer didn't care/worry about the event before, then suddenly it seems the most anxiety provoking, terrible thing in the world. It's just OCD rubbish. Put it down. 

Thanks for your reply.

I get what you're trying to say. I read a lot of stories of other people who suffered from the same thing and almost always thought to myself: "Meh, it's not that bad. Why can't he/she just get over it?"

For example I read the story about some other guy on here who kissed a 12 year old girl. I understand why he'd feel embarrassed about it, but he didn't do it on purpose so I don't see why he'd have to worry so much about it.

The thing is that I know that what I did was objectively "bad". This makes me wonder if - instead of it "just being OCD" - my consciense might be bothering me because what I did was really awful. Like I said, I've never been obsessing over any other mistakes before and can't possibly think of anything else that would make me feel the same way. And this is really bothering me.

I know you're probably going to say that this all is typical for real event OCD, and that I should just get over it since the past is the past and I wouldn't do it again, but I don't know. I just can't get it off my mind.

[paradoxer]

On 28/02/2020 at 15:27, Polar30 said:

All of a sudden it just popped back into my mind and I've been obsessing over it ever since

Funny how it just popped into your mind, funny how you use the word 'obsessing'. Yes, it's possible that you really are a really terrible person (although I suggest there might be a bit of negative hubris there), but when most people feel genuine guilt(my take on OCD 'guilt' if that's what you have, is that it's a fake rendition of the real thing, but much worse than the real thing) don't tend to ruminate about it. Lastly, as a cognitive approach, you might do well to not try to set yourself up to be a 'good person' - no one is, it's an impossible, not to mention self-contradictory, position  (self-satisfaction isn't good), just be human.  

Edited March 4, 2020 by paradoxer

[dksea]

12 hours ago, Polar30 said:

The thing is that I know that what I did was objectively "bad". This makes me wonder if - instead of it "just being OCD" - my consciense might be bothering me because what I did was really awful.

You realize that other people feel exactly the same way about their particular intrusive thought right?  That the person who you are referencing feels like kissing that girl WAS objectively bad and awful and unforgivable?  You realize that the reaction you are having to his worry of "so I don't see why he'd have to worry so much about it."  is EXACTLY the same way I react to YOUR situation?  They aren't different, they really aren't.  In both cases the sufferer feels like what they have done is unforgiveable/awful/really bad.  Those outside the situation who DON'T have that particular intrusive thought see the situation as massively over blown and not worth worrying about, especially to the degree the sufferer is worrying?
 

12 hours ago, Polar30 said:

I know you're probably going to say that this all is typical for real event OCD, and that I should just get over it since the past is the past and I wouldn't do it again, but I don't know. I just can't get it off my mind.

I wish it were as simple as "just getting over it", trust me we all wish that were so.  No I wouldn't say "just get over it", that would be unrealistic.  You have OCD, its not easy to "just get over it".  But you DO need to work on getting over it, by taking the right steps, and avoiding the wrong ones.  None of us expect you to do it overnight, trust me, it can take awhile.  It sucks that its stuck in your mind, obviously you don't want that, but you are also going to have to accept that, for the time being at least, you are likely to have this popping up again and again.  If you want that to change, you have to start changing how you react to it, including not ruminating on it, not analyzing it, not treating it as a big deal.  It isn't easy, especially at first, but it works.