Avoidance is a tricky compulsion

[Lizzy]

I find compulsions where I "do" something relatively easy to recognise. But I find avoidance as a compulsion (not doing something) a lot harder to spot.

Sometimes I feel like both doing something and not doing something can be a compulsion.

If I have an OCD thought about doing the dishes, for example... Then doing the dishes because of OCD thoughts can be a compulsion. But avoiding doing the dishes because of OCD thoughts can also be a compulsion. But normal "not doing the dishes" is also just a part of the day... No one does the dishes 24/7.

It's hard to know when my brain is using avoidance as part of the OCD dynamic, or when I'm just legitimately not doing something I don't want to do right then.

Do you have advice how to spot/ recognise "not doing something" (avoidance) as an OCD thing?

I mean, very few people actually enjoy doing the dishes... So many/ most people have a sense of avoidance about tasks like that, which they find "kind of unpleasant or annoying".

Given that OCD obsessions and compulsions feel so convincing... and that our OCD brains try their utmost to trick us... how can I spot the difference between "normal life avoidance" and OCD avoidance?

Do I just need to try and notice whether it feels OCD-ish?

If I feel the familiar tell-tale signs of OCD, then it's probably OCD avoidance?

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it's probably a duck?

 

Edited March 10, 2020 by Lizzy

[gingerbreadgirl]

14 minutes ago, Lizzy said:

 

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it's probably a duck?

 

I think this answers your own question  

I think on some level, maybe even only a whisper, but deep down we know when something is OCD or not.  if we are even asking that question then it probably is. 

I guess what you need to ask yourself is "what happens if i do this task I'm avoiding?" if the answer is "not a lot it's just a bit of an a*se" then it's normal avoidance, but if it's a sense of impending doom and anxiety... then that isn't normal avoidance. 

Like when I lived with my ex I used to try and avoid cleaning the bathroom because it made me anxious for OCD reasons.  But prior to that OCD theme I tried to avoid it out of laziness/being a slob  But I knew deep down when it was an OCD reason and when it wasn't. 

[gingerbreadgirl]

also just to note, the search for an answer to "is this ocd or not" can become an obsession in itself... I think the key is to learn to tolerate the discomfort of not being quite sure. 

[Lizzy]

55 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Like when I lived with my ex I used to try and avoid cleaning the bathroom because it made me anxious for OCD reasons.  But prior to that OCD theme I tried to avoid it out of laziness/being a slob  

Uh huh...   

I think I can also get into avoidance loops... For example: Resting, to avoid doing the dishes... Doing the dishes, to avoid doing a more challenging task like paperwork... Doing paperwork to avoid resting, because I don't think I deserve to rest... Rinse and repeat... Sigh...

54 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

also just to note, the search for an answer to "is this ocd or not" can become an obsession in itself... I think the key is to learn to tolerate the discomfort of not being quite sure. 

And yeah... Sometimes trying to make sense of my OCD brain is just useless, or an impossible task... Too many moving parts, too many paradoxical, contradictory issues... Sometimes I just have to make myself do a sensible/ healthy amount of dishes, a sensible/ healthy amount of paperwork and get a sensible/ healthy amount of rest... because I know that I can't trust my own brain's opinions on any of it right now.

Stupid brain, stupid OCD.

I think me and avoidance are like:  

[paradoxer]

3 hours ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

 

Like when I lived with my ex I used to try and avoid cleaning the bathroom because it made me anxious for OCD reasons.  But prior to that OCD theme I tried to avoid it out of laziness/being a slob  But I knew deep down when it was an OCD reason and when it wasn't. 

Yep, invariably your inner truth knows the answer. 

[dksea]

18 hours ago, Lizzy said:

It's hard to know when my brain is using avoidance as part of the OCD dynamic, or when I'm just legitimately not doing something I don't want to do right then.

Do you have advice how to spot/ recognise "not doing something" (avoidance) as an OCD thing?

The general goal should be to engage in behaviors as if OCD wasn't affecting your decision making.  Obviously that's hard to know, especially if you have been suffering for a long time.  You can base your behavior to some degree on people around you, but even then people have a range of "normal" habits.  Some people wash dishes more frequently than others for example.

In any given situation you need to try to find "a" normal behavior and aim for that.  In a situation like the one you describe you could set rules or schedules to determine when you will/won't do the dishes.  For example you do the dishes once it reaches a certain amount to do, or on a specific day at a specific time each week, etc.  

Washing hands is a good behavior to consider in this kind of discussion.  Obviously washing hands is important for health, but it can also be a compulsion.  So how do you decide when you should or shouldn't wash (especially relevant in the time of COVID).  Here again you can apply rules.  Did you use the toilet? Wash your hands.  Have you intereacted with something that is LITERALLY dirty (not just "contaminated') ok, wash your hands.  Are you afraid you might have just "contaminated" yourself? No, don't wash your hands.  And not just WHEN, but how much.  You can set specific time limits, like I will only wash my hands for 30 seconds, or 1 minute.  I will only wash one time no matter how much I feel like I need to do it "right". etc.  Having good and clear guidelines, especially in the beginning will help you create regular "normal" behaviors and break the bad habits of compulsions.  In time you might be able to relax the rules once you become confident enough, but in the beginning they can really help because you don't have to decide or consider as much for a given situation, you just follow the rule.  This can be an area where working with a therapist or other outside coach (spouse or loved one) is helpful because they can help you decide what is reasonable if you are still struggling.

Also worth keeping in mind, it can be beneficial to push past normal behavior when trying to break an OCD compulsion.  For example, a person with contamination fears might be tasked with cleaning LESS often than normal, washing their hands LESS frequently than normal in order to real break through the barrier of the compulsion.  ( That said, given the current health situation, its probably a good idea to put the less hand washing thing on hold temporarily   don't over do it, but don't under do it right now.)

The specific details will depend on you and your situation of course

[Handy]

There is a disorder called Avoidant Personality Disorder & most of those with it use OCD as a coping mechanism. You’ll know if you have it because the DSM lists specific criteria for it. As you can guess those with it avoid doing things.

[PolarBear]

Avoidance is a well known compulsion for several types of OCD. It has nothing to do with any personality disorder. 

Can someone have both? Probably. But an OCD compulsion is an OCD compulsion and has nothing to do with something else.

[dksea]

11 hours ago, Handy said:

There is a disorder called Avoidant Personality Disorder & most of those with it use OCD as a coping mechanism

There’s no reason to suggest some other disorder, especially one that has nothing to do with this topic and is easily explained by OCD alone.