When it goes belly up

[Phili]

My nerves have taken a nose dive since my birthday. Particularly my health anxiety.

Today my nerves are really bad and he meds arn’t helping. I keep finding lumps everywhere, I went through a stage with my stomach and legs and paranoid about my cellulite and my period hasn’t stopped. I have a hard lamp along my gum which has been there for years, it has a white patch on it but the NHS said these are pretty normal and not usually anything to worry about and I have no other symptoms and am extremely low risk as I don’t do any of the causes.

but how do you not check your mouth, I keep running my tongue over it and poking it with my tongue and thinking it’s got bigger or a different shape and now it feels kinda sore and painful, which  has increased my anxiety.

Polarbear said that checking is my compulsion and I’ve been keeping that in my mind and trying to ignore it.

ive been doing a bit better with other things but today I feel like I might as well be dead and get it over with. 
 

Also I have dyspraxia 

Edited March 10, 2020 by Phili

[Phili]

Poking the lump has made my tooth hurt a little

Edited March 10, 2020 by Phili

[Phili]

On a pot I’ve note, I’ve lost six pounds in weight 

[Phili]

I know I post symptoms but I’ve been doing incredibly well with posting here and I see no need to ignore me, you don’t have to engage with my symptom posting to say something to support me but ignoring me makes me feel ostracised and angry. I feel like I’m being given the cold shoulder and shouldn’t post at all

[paradoxer]

I don't think people are ignoring you ... it's just there's not much to say, you have an obsession, you post about it ... 

And ... ?

Try not to jump to the tune of a mental disorder. 

[Caramoole]

Hi Phili

Don't let that nagging voice let you imagine people are ignoring you, more so that they just haven't seen it, I know I hadn't until I saw it at the top just now.  I was only wondering the other day how you were doing as I hadn't seen you around for a while Well Done on the weight loss, keep going, just keep aiming for a pound or so at a time.

As for the health worries, you know the cause & you know the drill.  Sorry if that's like stating the obvious but it remains the fact.  You have to look at the compulsions you do when the worrying doubts plague you.  Ruminating (endlessly thinking about and going over the problem in your head), checking (physical checks like touching, looking in the mirror, checking symptoms on Google), reassurance seeking, writing symptoms down (especially after the first explanation)

Working on reducing and stopping those compulsions is the key, and the sooner the better.

How did you go on with support for the various problems?  Are you receiving any?  And what about life in general, what are you getting up to, doing with your time?  Have you ever managed to get out?  Have you ever set any goals for a "fuller" future.  I only ask because living in isolation & housebound will always help magnify those problems, especially with the introspection that tends to go on when you have such a big space to fill.  I know it's hard but I'll keep on telling you, those goals are achievable if you find the determination to do them.  Have you ever read any of Losts threads?  She just shows what can be achieved despite what seem impossible hurdles.........and how's Ann doing?

[Caramoole]

51 minutes ago, paradoxer said:

I don't think people are ignoring you ... it's just there's not much to say, you have an obsession, you post about it ... 

And ... ?

Try not to jump to the tune of a mental disorder. 

In essence, that's a fact......but if we were to adopt that black & white stance to all sufferers, "You have a mental disorder.....get on with it"......we wouldn't be providing a support forum.  Everyone is at a different stage in their recovery and their background history (which is often inexorably linked) can vary vastly.

[Phili]

I’ve made some small improvements but nothing major.

i keep going through spates of motivation and then like I am now, where I don’t want to do anything. I still suffer badly with a lack of motivation and I don’t know why.

im seeing a therapist that is private. I’m supposed to be getting a pa and I’m working with the autism lady and physio.

i think I’ve made the most progress on diet but my OCD is pretty much the same.

[Caramoole]

What sort of therapist Phili, is it for CBT?

[Caramoole]

And what's a Pa?

[paradoxer]

12 hours ago, Caramoole said:

In essence, that's a fact......but if we were to adopt that black & white stance to all sufferers, "You have a mental disorder.....get on with it"......we wouldn't be providing a support forum.  Everyone is at a different stage in their recovery and their background history (which is often inexorably linked) can vary vastly.

I hear you, though I thought a reminder that the OP wan't being ignored gratuitously was worth a shot.

I think whatever contributions I have or haven't made to this forum might well reflect some awareness of others' conditions. 

[Phili]

.CBT doesn’t work on autistic people, it’s called adlerian therapy.

 

Personal assistant, someone with no mental health training who is supposed to help me work towards my goals for six hours a week. Basically so my Clinical psychiatric nurse, the only mental health support I have other than my therapist, who visits every 7-9 weeks, watches the telly for half and hour and leaves, can say she doesn’t need to visit anymore

[Caramoole]

Okay......so have you been pro-active?  Like writing a few of those goals, even a couple and saying, "Can we do some work on these this week?"

I confess Phili that I know little about treatment and autism but I do know a little about you from the long chats we've had and I know it's something you could do if you made your mind up to ask.  What do you think?  How's about taking the lead in this and asking for what you want.  Either ask the PA or tell the Nurse or have a word with the therapist about it

[paradoxer]

You know what Caramoole, I've been mulling over your 'lecture'. One would think I'd never contributed a damn thing here, other that a blithe 'get over it attitude' to sufferers. I appreciate my bending the coat hangar back might not be for everyone ... but context might count for something.

Anyway, not great loss, I'm out of here.  

[Phili]

I forgot to mention Anne, she is great, she is still itchy and needs to lose 2KG for her spaying, which I’m worried about.

i mentioned goals last time I spoke to the CPN, I’m working on things with my therapist but we only have an hour a week. The CPN took my list of goals and sent me a print out of them, so we could see which ones we can work on but I have very little hope, she doesn’t want to do it.

[Caramoole]

6 hours ago, paradoxer said:

You know what Caramoole, I've been mulling over your 'lecture'. One would think I'd never contributed a damn thing here, other that a blithe 'get over it attitude' to sufferers. I appreciate my bending the coat hangar back might not be for everyone ... but context might count for something.

Anyway, not great loss, I'm out of here.  

Not a lecture, just a comment.  I think you frequently offer excellent advice.  However, for several reasons I don't really like to take over threads to thrash out issues like this but I will PM you later today

[Caramoole]

4 hours ago, Phili said:

but I have very little hope, she doesn’t want to do it.

Then you have the printed list ready on the table and say "I've got the print out here that you wanted us to work on"  That way you're putting the ball in her court and right under her nose.

Glad to hear the news about Anne

[Caramoole]

Paradoxer, I've tried to message you but your inbox is full.  If you free up some space I'll try again 

[Phili]

My therapist is working with me to try and turn off me listening to my OCD. The parasite, I have it fully envisioned as a thing. I have to try and not listen for a certain amount of time and extend that time

[Caramoole]

And how's it going?  Are you managing to do that?  Are you keeping up with other things to occupy yourself, your writing, crafts, reading?  Because you only have your Brother at home and don't go out you have a lot of time to ruminate.  You've probably got used to ruminating because you spend so much time alone without conversations, so you think?

[Phili]

Sometimes it doesn’t feel like I even have OCD because it’s so integrated.

I only started today, my OCD now has a name and I’m trying to plug my ears to it, my anxiety has been a little less