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Becks

Feeling like a nuisance

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Anyone else’s partners or family getting annoyed with them and their OCD? Mine does, I know I’m annoying and I do apologise but they said they don’t want to speak to me now. It just makes me hate myself even more. I keep asking them to wash their hands if they’ve been outside to the bin and touched the outside door handle (I feel like there’s more germs on that due to coming in after going shopping etc) I have cleaned it but I feel like the cleaning isn’t really killing the germs. I’m either really stressed or really sad and just cry. Sorry if I’ve brought anyone down. I just literally have no where to turn right now. 

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17 minutes ago, Becks said:

but I feel like the cleaning isn’t really killing the germs.

Hi Becks, 

There's OCD at work again! You've cleaned the door handle - job done. That should be an end to it, and for your partner it is.

However for you a liitle OCD voice keeps telling you it's not enough which generates the feeling that it's not clean. The feeling keeps you focused on an imagined risk and because you can't 'fix' the feeling it makes you feel stressed.

First step is to acknowledge that the problem is a feeling of unease about potential risk rather than actual risk. 

Second step is to stop listening to the little voice telling you the risk is real because it feels unsafe. 

A combination of understanding the true nature of the problem and distracting yourself when the thoughts return usually works. Some people prefer to counter the worry thoughts by taking a 'so what' attitude and touch the handle without washing their hands, but I understand that at the moment that might be asking too much of you unless done immediately after the handle has been cleaned.

Hating yourself because you're struggling isn't helping anybody. Accept that you're doing your best to get a grip on this by reaching out for advice to people who understand and give yourself a break if you find it takes a bit of time and practise to get to a place where you're more comfortable about ignoring these kind of feelings.

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Thanks for the reply. Right now not being like this is really hard. Even if my hand just brushes something that I think might have germs on I have to immediately wash them, I was really trying today as well. I have washed less but it’s more the fact that i feel annoying that’s making me feel rubbish at the minute. 

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It's just a feeling though. :) I don't think you're being annoying at all. Give yourself a hug and try not to beat yourself up so much. :hug: 

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My partner does though. Living with me is hard and I understand that, but I am honestly trying and I genuinely can’t help it. I hate saying my OCD things, I apologise straight away but it doesn’t feel like it’s enough anymore. Sorry to bother you with this by the way, I know everyone already feels rubbish as it is. 

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It's the same for me Becks . I have upset my husband too..I feel bad cos he's having to deal.witj me all on his own because of lock down. I keep apologising too.

I don't think you are bothering anyone coming on here it's a great place to chat and get support from people who understand.

I can see I'm going to be on here a lot at the moment. I just gave my husband some space to watch star wars , I think that has calmed things a bit.

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Feels horrible doesn’t it though ecomum. Honestly feel like such a pain. Do you have kids too? 

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Yes they are 20,14  And 11 so not little.

Yeah it does feel horrible trying to decide what is right and what is OCD and upsetting people who have enough on their minds already.

I have asked my husband for a Frank conversation if I am worried about something. Which I try and do without breaking down which helps.

I have set myself a worry time so I can put worries off some of the day.

I have also paid up to become a member on here so I can get support.

Hope that helps.

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Yeah it does. It’s nice to know it’s not just you isn’t it. Does the worry time really help? I feel like it would just set me off for the day lol. 

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Yeah it's nice to chat to someone about it and  know it's not just me.

I have hyper responsibility OCD and worry I've harmed people. I get tempted to ruminate. I find worry time helps because it gives me space to think. But also by the time it comes along quite often the worry has lessened because i put it off. 

These times are unprecendted and we have to find strategies that help us best  and try different things. 

 

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Wow that sounds stressful. Have you had it long? Yeah I’ve realised that now, I was using OCD as a coping strategy. Well not using it Cos I didn’t really get a choice, but I’ve realised I need to actively find a different way of coping instead of letting it take over. 

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I'm 46;and my earliest memory was at 19. Though did not know it was OCD til 35. Just thought I'd harmed people.this virus is the worst trigger possible for me.

It's hard cos normally we'd say it's OCD and leave the handle. But now we do have to clean stuff. 

My husband and I sort of agreed that I could ask him what he thought if I couldn't decide if it was OCD or realistic. Feels a little bit like reassurance but these are not normal times and it helps me stay calm to then   think a bit more clearly. We end up having a conversation instead of me getting distressed.

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Well that sounds helpful for you. I’ve started asking what’s normal, can only ask my partner though because my mum and brother have a form of OCD too, so I’ve got no hope lol. It’s a big trigger for me too, contamination has always been one of my things. I’ve decided to stay away from the news and social media and that’s helped so maybe that would help you too a little? The media want you to be scared, and they’re behind most of it. 

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Yeah social media particularly bad. I found watching ' this morning " good.they tell you facts and stuff but kind of in  a gentle way not sensationalist. 

My mum has OCD but not living together so I only have to be strong for her over phone for a short time. 

I think all relationships are strained at the moment. I just have very small goals each day which takes the pressure off.

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Might try this morning then. I don’t live with mine either, I’ve just noticed when I talk to them about it all I feel like not OCD is right. Yeah they deffo are, we’re all cooped up together aren’t we. Completely out of the norm. Think I’m going to focus in just being kind to myself, that seems to help take the pressure off, and meditation and mindfulness helps too. 

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Thanks to you too. Hope you manage to find some calm for your mind too. Here if you ever need a chat with someone who gets it. 
 

Night 

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