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Intrusive thoughts intruding my life


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The short version of the story is, I’m struggling. I know that everyone is at the moment, which is making it harder for me to even talk to loved ones. I don’t want them to think, ‘oh here she goes being selfish about her worries when we are all worried’ I don’t know that they think that but my mind makes me think that. 
 

My mind has also been repeating these intrusive thoughts. It’s not just an inconvenience it completely stops me in my tracks. It’s an absolute horror show that I live at least 5 times a day. It’s like a film that is on repeat in my mind: loosing my loved ones, watching them die, being the reason they die, not being good enough. It can take me from being okay to a mess in seconds. 
 

I’ve been down the CBT route, and I’m on an 18 week waiting list to speak to someone. I just can’t keep having this emotional upheaval, I can cope with the other OCD traits I have. The thoughts are isolating, scary and make it hard to want to be here. Does anyone have any advice? I really am at my wits end. 
 

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Hi @Samosa and welcome to the forums.  I am sorry to hear that you are having a tough time right now.
Its certainly true that the world is experiencing some unusually stressful situations at the moment, and a lot of people are struggling in ways they are not used to.  It can feel like talking about our problems in the midst of that is selfish, but if you are hurting you are hurting.  OCD is a valid problem too, it doesn't go away just because other people have problems of their own.

Unfortunately the stress of the world around us can make our own struggles harder, I think a lot of us are experiencing extra levels of anxiety today compared to at other times.
It can be scary to think about losing our loved ones, but keep in mind that having a thought does not mean its more likely to be true.  Its ok to feel bad or scared or sad sometimes, but try and remind yourself that these thoughts are just that, thoughts.  Your brain will latch on to them more the more you react to them.  Use the CBT skills you've learned to try and avoid panic over these thoughts.  They don't have to (and won't ) disappear over night, Your family and loved ones are here now.  Try to focus on enjoying that :)

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