Crushing Health Anxiety - OCD and Being Unwell

[mattphillips78]

Hi Everyone and I hope you are all well.

Whenever I get unwell (currently have a very sore upper respiratory tract/chest causing me to have bad asthma last 7 days) I get locked into a depressive merry-go round 

. I will always be unwell

.I won't ever be able to breathe properly again

.I am going to die and wont see my family and young children again

.I can never do the things I enjoy again

 

Rather than just taking my inhalers and treating the symptoms of a very tight chest at points during the day, I cannot take the focus off my breathing.

I am blessed with two 9 year old daughters and their smiles, fun and business that goes with us being home does take my attention away, but even then I'm, very coscious of my breathing, worrying about my breathing getting worse later, mentally testing my symptoms that feed into my self prognosis that I wont ever be healthy again.

I've been through the same anxiety through 2 week long headache spells, stomach ache periods so it isn't unusual for me.

My wife is fantastic and has supported me throughout my OCD treatment over the years and she said 'you know this wont last forever don't you' - intellectually I think I know this but cant feel it.

How do I see the bigger picture that all will be ok IN TIME, not to keep testing my current condition each second and to try and not be aware of every breath? I find my asthma with this sore chest worst in the evenings and even when doing OK during the day I start to fear breathing difficulties and feel it worsening, so too does my fear and anxiety. I always feel scared of it in the evenings and over obsess about it. Then the rumination and catastrophic thinking comes in.

 

I am sorry, I know this is a lot but wondered if anyone else has had or have experience of this way of thinking? Strangely enough it isn't triggered by the Covid-19 and I'm not worried about getting it. It seems a trend that puts the brakes on my life every few months and want to be able to see some perspective. 

 

Thank you so much and if I can help you in your daily battles, please feel free to ask - i think I've experienced almost all of the OCD types over my life!

Keep Smiling!

Matthew

 

[Ashley]

33 minutes ago, mattphillips78 said:

How do I see the bigger picture that all will be ok IN TIME, not to keep testing my current condition each second and to try and not be aware of every breath?

Hi Matthew,

Sorry to see you're having a difficult time right now, and this is a very good question. Hopefully others will have some thoughts as the evening goes on.  I guess you have somewhat answered yourself here though in the more we do any OCD compulsions, in this case you testing your current condition the more that fees the obsession.  We used to have an image called the OCD Cycle on the website, might still be there, which shows Obsession > Anxiety > Compulsion > Relief.  It's an image used in many books but I now realise is pretty much wrong (technically).    Whilst some people do get relief from the compulsions, others find it makes them worse in that precise moment, and forces additional compulsions for 5/10/20 minutes or whatever.  So as hard as it may be, if you can focus on something other than your breath in those moments that may eventually take you way from the obsessional thinking?  Of course me saying that and you doing it are two different things, I do realise how hard that will be.

The only other thought I had was to maybe try and focus on one day at a time, rather than try and finding the bigger picture if that's not easy to do right now?

Not sure if any of that waffling helps, but hopefully others will have more helpful suggestions.  Stay safe.

[mattphillips78]

Hi Ashley,

Thank you so much for your very kind reply and powerful advice - I've felt alone with it and realised that I have to get involved in thee forums again not only for my own advice but to help others too. 

That's great, I will make a concerted effort to keep distracted and keep busy (I tried that too much as is the way for perfectionists like me and paid for it when could hardly breathe at end of the day, not helped by the anxiety lumped onto my chest on top of my infection and asthma).

I've never been a patient person so this feeds into my OCD and when I'm unwill as I am now, that really helps to hear that advice about taking a day at a time. I am always in a rush to get better and end up depressed in mornings when I feel much the same. But I will focus on not testing myself and like the illnesses of my past will just fade and I'll forget about it.

I just put too much pressure on myself to be the normal, active me, forget what I cant do and focus on what I can - catastrophising thoughts and rumination that I'll always have to struggle for each breath have been scary but I've made an effort to accept them and not reason with them or debate them.

 

Thanks again Ashley and hope you can have some better nights' sleep soon.

 

Matthew