Everyday anxiety

[Cub]

Hi y'all

How are we all doing?

I went for the daily walk with my dad today and tearfully opened up to him about all the things that have been troubling me. He did his best to comfort me and although we didn't hug, we had tea. 

Every day now, I deal with anxiety; I'm very unsettled, shaken and frightened, can't concentrate and desperately want a cuddle, but I daren't initiate contact. Perhaps if I could have a cuddle, I could feel better! I'm trying to do things that will keep me occupied but everything is difficult. The only time I manage to escape it all is when I'm sleeping. I've also got a lot of stuff from the online research going around my head and I feel like I can't do any of the things that help me feel better in myself because I'm doing something wrong; I feel like I'm being rigid and can't look forward to anything and keep hearing horrible voices in my head saying, 'No, that's wrong.' The days are difficult; I'm very lucky to be with my family but they've noticed I've been withdrawn; my appetite's been bad and it's been hard to stomach anything and I basically wish life could return to normal so I could feel a little safer. I'm terrified of passing something on every single day and yet don't want to be on my own and the news frightens me, although I realise the necessity at present. 

I know we'll all get through this but I'm scared for my sanity and scared for others; I daren't look too far ahead. A friend of mine very kindly sent me a link for a Christian counselling group, assuring me it was for counselling and not correction and that they were inclusive, but right now I've had it up to here with worrying about organised religion. 

I guess in some sections, I just have to carry on as normal. I suppose real life as it was is always an escape from our worries but I just feel like I've regressed badly. I'm trying to be as honest as possible about my fears and stay afloat, but the anxiety is extremely tough to deal with. 

I'm going to do my best to look after myself and the people around me; I know I need to count my lucky stars that I'm not alone at this time. I know I've endured all this before and I will survive it; my Dad reckons it was a kind of reaction to all of this and I can't disagree. I'm just terrified to relax, in case something bad happens, or the thoughts creep back in; my anxiety is my constant companion at present! Even using the Calm app can only get me so far in a day and I feel desperately touch-starved. But then I know that's the same with everyone and what about the poor folk dealing with three-month self-isolation, unable to touch or be touched? That's got to be so much worse!

How's everybody else doing after that?

C x

 

[bookworm30]

I've always been an anxious person, and I have generalised anxiety disorder. 

The thing is, this is not a normal time for any of us and everyone's coping with it in their own way. We will all respond differently, and everyone's emotions will be all over the place.  

I work with vulnerable adults (in the third sector, so not statutory - thankfully able to WFH during this) and I've been saying to all my clients feeling overwhelmed is completely normal. I tell them to take it one day at a time and if that's too much, then take it one hour at a time (i'm also bad at following my own advice, LOL). If we start thinking about how long this will go on for it's going to easily lead to feeling hopeless, because the thing is no one knows how long it'll last. 

I'm thankful for my guinea pigs, because having a piggie on my lap is just so soothing especially now. Watching them carry on as normal, only caring about getting fed - something v therapeutic about that. 

[ecomum]

In such difficult times we have a lot to deal with.i know it's not a hug cub but I do think coming on here helps. It's sort of contact and especially good because people understand. It feels like sort of popping to visit someone when I go on here to see how everyone's doing.

I think we are all doing well and I agree with bookworm about the day at a time. That's how I've always dealt with my OCD.

Bookworm I have guinea pigs too, they are the most delightful little animals and help me too. If you want to talk guinea pig i'm here.

All the best to you both we can do this 

[Chirpy]

Hi everyone. I think this situation is hard for all of us, especially no being able to get out and about. I am luckily because I am able to work as I work in a nursing home 3 days a week. It’s the days I am not working that are the hardest especially the mornings. My mind is full thought but they are the same thoughts I have always had so know deep down I can beat them. By the eveningI feel a lot better and the thoughts seem to get better. Maybe because there is less time to think. For a whole year I didn’t have them at all then they came back in January. I hate this illness but know I will get over them again . Bookworm  I think taking one day as time is the only way or even one hour at a time. 
we are all strong people and we will get through this.

[Guest Common_Night-Owl]

18 hours ago, Cub said:

I daren't look too far ahead.

You don't have to. We're meant to live one day at a time.

"(D)o not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matthew 6: 34, E.s.v.)

"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit' — yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." (James 4: 13-14, E.s.v.)

[Guest Common_Night-Owl]

1 hour ago, Common_Night-Owl said:

We're meant to live one day at a time.

(Sort of an edit. Can't edit the previous reply anymore, because I've signed out of my account.)

We are actually always meant to live one day at a time.

Easier said than done, because we like to plan and 'prepare', and try to 'control' as much as possible. But we always have very little control over the world (natural phenomenons, people, etc.).

[Cub]

Thanks guys, for all the thoughtful comments

I'm feeling bad because I'm responding to the anxiety in the wrong sort of way; rather than giving myself time to enjoy my hobbies, I'm trying to resist the urge to Google and feeling bad about myself for thinking these things; I feel like I'm desperately trying to cling onto something to mull over in the absence of anything else to do. I feel rather as I did nine years ago when I had a massive mental health crisis brought on by my OCD during my final year at University. I'm worried that I want things to be difficult; I'm getting stark memories of that time and remembering how traumatising it was and how long it lingered, for years afterwards. On top of that are my fears of losing somebody I love and I'm scared of doing or thinking something stupid that will lock me in a corner; my OCD thoughts aren't being helpful. But I guess if it feels like OCD, it probably is. 

Right now, I'm dealing with shame as well as anxiety - shame of myself for feeling this way and essentially 'needing' to worry about something and just for the things I've been worrying about; rather than comforting myself, I've made things harder for myself and the anxiety can be tough. I know we're all in the same boat here, though.

to you all.

C x