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What would you do in this situation?


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Hi All,

Please bare with me here I will get to the question at the end, however a little background first. 

I have recently been going through a confessional theme of needing to confess something from years ago that i did, something from many many years ago, and something from not that long ago.  Its been really ripping me up inside with guilt and anxiety. 

The person I want to confess it to wont allow me to do so, ive therefore messaged them, without the exact specific details, but giving them some indication what its referring to, and have left it to them to speak to me about it if they want to know....at least ive now done my bit of wanting to now be honest about it if they will allow me to be.....

However, the first message i sent, i realised after i sent it that there was something in the message that wasnt quite clear enough, and maybe they may not have understood the seriousness of it.  I therefore sent them another message, in greater detail, but still not mentioning the exact specific details.....

However this morning, after going through it in my head (as i delete the messages immediately after sending them so it doesn't lead to me checking it), i realised that although the main message was clear and precise, i thought that a couple of messages back and forth between us afterwards, could have been taken the 'wrong way', and could have affected the seriousness and validity of the original message... 

I therefore checked through the message  that I sent afterwards (checked it inside my head this morning as its deleted), and as soon as i thought about what i sent, i realised 'its fine' (a natural realisation of it being fine, meaning its nothing to worry about), but that was this morning, and im feeling the need to recheck it again to make sure that i definitely checked it correctly this morning and it couldn't have affected the main message i sent.

Now to the point of this message: What would you now do? Would you check it again? Or would you not check it again, and run the risk of forgetting about what it was you were worried about, but still know in your mind that there was something that you felt needed checking, and you didn't check it, and now you can't check it because you've forgotten what it was?? 

 

Edited by MentalChecker
Accuracy
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I think the more you send and the more you check the more confused you are going to get. I have done this before and then checked and checked and then just can't think rationally about it.

Personally I would leave it now, but having been there I do know how hard that is. Say u will leave it until a certain time/ day and  I think by this time the urgency to do it may have passed.

Also think about would a non OCD sufferer be worried about the thing that u r worried about. I have had this type of OCD a lot were I want to confess when actually the thing I want to confess wouldn't even bother most people  it's just my OCD exaggerating everything.

Hope this helps. I have been there and it does pass.

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Hi Ecomum, 

Thank you for your reply. 

Ive tried looking at things from other peoples perspectives before, but that then gets me back into checking again, because i have trouble getting the feeling as to whether it would bother them or not, its as if i have problems judging things, and at the end of the day they arent me, they may go through life quite happily with a different set of rules than me, but that's not me.... 

Also, there are some people out there that can murder people and it doesn't bother them, therefore that doesn't work for me..... 

I really do appreciate your response though and for trying to help me, its really horrible when your anxiety is sky high with guilt and all you want to do is to do the right thing and to tell the person, to feel better but they wont let you....

And your also lead to believe that confessing is a Compulsion, really? To me its part of being a morally good person in life, and that is what i want to be..... 

Edited by MentalChecker
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Guest Common_Night-Owl
23 hours ago, MentalChecker said:

confessing is a Compulsion, really? To me its part of being a morally good person in life, and that is what i want to be.

It depends on what to whom (and perhaps also why) you want to confess.

You have been very vague here about what this is all about (e.g., "to confess something"), leaving people to guess almost the entire situation. Except for clairvoyants, all other people can't read your mind.

On 02/04/2020 at 22:52, MentalChecker said:

The person I want to confess it to wont allow me to do so

Then why, o why, do you insist? They don't want to know. Respect that. Find a priest, and confess it to him.

On 02/04/2020 at 22:52, MentalChecker said:

Would you check it again?

You mean, in your own mind? This does surely seem like a compulsion (rumination).

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On 02/04/2020 at 20:52, MentalChecker said:

Now to the point of this message: What would you now do? Would you check it again? Or would you not check it again, and run the risk of forgetting about what it was you were worried about, but still know in your mind that there was something that you felt needed checking, and you didn't check it, and now you can't check it because you've forgotten what it was?? 

I think this is a great example of the OCD solution becoming the problem.  

23 hours ago, MentalChecker said:

And your also lead to believe that confessing is a Compulsion, really? To me its part of being a morally good person in life, and that is what i want to be..... 

Everything you have described is a form of reassurance seeking, i.e. a compulsion. 

The confession is a compulsion, because you're seeking reassurance of some kind. Like any type of OCD compulsion, it won't satisfy the OCD so it starts throwing 'what if' questions, which I guess is what you describe above with the clarification messages.

So yeah, in this case it's the OCD driving the confessing, so I would absolutely say yes this is compulsion.

 

23 minutes ago, Common_Night-Owl said:

It depends on what to whom (and perhaps also why) you want to confess.

It really doesn't.  It's clearly an OCD related activity so we don't need to know about the confession. 

 

23 minutes ago, Common_Night-Owl said:

Then why, o why, do you insist? They don't want to know. Respect that. Find a priest, and confess it to him.

oh come on, you're telling MC to carry out a compulsion with a priest. Apart from that not everybody is actively religious. 

 

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Guest Common_Night-Owl
8 hours ago, Ashley said:

not everybody is actively religious.

Yes, and it's a pity that not everyone is a Christian (or a faithful and orthodox Christian). But maybe 'Mental Checker' is (I don't know), and belongs to a church in which sacramental confession (to a priest or pastor, of actual sins) is practiced.* That way he/she could find 'closure', so to say, and not bother that person anymore.

*'Mental Checker', if that is so, then you should know that you're not obligated to confess your sins to any- and everyone. That can even be damaging, to you and/or to them.

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47 minutes ago, Common_Night-Owl said:

But maybe 'Mental Checker' is (I don't know), and belongs to a church in which sacramental confession (to a priest or pastor, of actual sins) is practiced.* That way he/she could find 'closure', so to say, and not bother that person anymore.

I am ignoring the point GBG as already made, no more of that on here please. I will simply say that you can never get 'closure' from OCD.

1. The confession most likely linked to an individual.

2. Confessing to person A or person B is still a compulsion.

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You know, Common Night Owl, that members of the church can get OCD too? I knew a nun who had religious OCD and lived life alongside blasphemous thoughts. She was a great Christian and a lovely person. The sisters in her Convent knew about her OCD and loved this particular nun.

Your arguments do not make sense and are null and void. They don’t apply to the real world.

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Guest Common_Night-Owl

Have I said that all Christians are faithful?

In the various Christian churches and denominations, many (including priests, monks, and nuns) are unfortunately vainglorious hypocrites, people who only pretend to be virtuous (for the applause, admiration) but aren't. Authentic virtue requires humility, an awareness and acceptance of one's limitations. ("Physician, heal thyself!")

2 hours ago, Orwell1984 said:

She was a great Christian and a lovely person.

Perhaps. As I've said in another post, in a reply to another topic here (one of mine), it's possible that bothersome thoughts can have multiple (various and varying) causes.

Thus my arguments can still very well stand.

But we've been going off-topic in this thread.

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42 minutes ago, Common_Night-Owl said:

it's possible that bothersome thoughts can have multiple (various and varying) causes.

Again... unlikely when they are being posted in an OCD context.  From that perspective there is only one cause, OCD.  

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  • 1 month later...
On 04/04/2020 at 15:10, Ashley said:

Again... unlikely when they are being posted in an OCD context.  From that perspective there is only one cause, OCD.  

Hi Ashley, it got hold of me again this morning, as the person I want to confess it too often thinks that I exaggerate the importance of things, and ive assured them that im NOT exaggerating the importance of this, however im now concerned that they are underestimating the importance of this, hence why they dont want to know, as they've said to me if they want to know they will ask me.

Im now going over in my head what i said to them, and ive realised ive done my bit correctly/done the morally right thing, but now im trying to visualise and see in my head that if they are in fact thinking im exaggerating it, then ive done my moral bit correctly, and it would therefore be there own error of judgement by not wanting to know, and not something i havent done that i should have, as to the reason why they dont know what i want to confess.... Does this make sense? 

Does the above look like OCD causing my problem to you?

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