New member - Really struggling

[IanMac]

I´ve just joined the site and this is my first post.

I´ve had OCD for past 20 years and have managed to sort of get by with very little help.  I´ve generally kept it hidden.  I saw a therapist a few years ago but she was a general therapist and not an OCD specialist.  It didn´t help a great deal.   

My OCD mainly consists of contamination and hand washing.  Since the Covid pandemic started my hand washing and anxiety levels have gone through the roof and I´m finding things very difficult.  I´m sure many other people feel the same.  I´m washing my hands constantly and the skin is now raw.  I´m also washing clothes, towels and bedding constantly as I feel they are contaminated.  I´m even fearful of the food we are bringing into the house.  

Last night I was accessing this forum on my iPad in bed and convinced myself my iPad wasn´t clean enough so at 5.00am I found myself stripping the bed and standing under the shower for ages trying to get clean.  I feel really stuck in a cycle of cleaning and washing and I´m frightened to touch things, including my own clothes.  Part of me is aware of how extreme it all is but it´s really getting to me.

I´m sorry to offload all this but I really feel I´ve lost my way as everything feels out of control.  I´m in the risk category so can´t go out but I don´t even feel safe in the house.

If anyone can suggest a therapist that I could speak to online through SKYPE that may be able to help with the hand washing and contamnination during this current situation I´d really appreciate it.

Thanks,

Ian

[mummyoftwogirls]

Just to say hi and I know how tough OCD is. Sending positive vibes x

[IanMac]

2 minutes ago, mummyoftwogirls said:

Just to say hi and I know how tough OCD is. Sending positive vibes x

Thank you!  

 

[mummyoftwogirls]

Are you isolating alone? I think thats even harder as you are just stuck in your head all day. 

I find sudoku helpful to redirect my mind just to stop the loop of obsessive rumination 

[IanMac]

8 minutes ago, mummyoftwogirls said:

Are you isolating alone? I think thats even harder as you are just stuck in your head all day. 

I find sudoku helpful to redirect my mind just to stop the loop of obsessive rumination 

I have a very supportive partner but it´s hard for my partner to understand.  I feel bad about causing worry and upset.  I´m a retired professional musician and singer but I´m finding the music which has always been my passion is just making me feel over emotional.  Trying to distract myself watching repeats of comedies and not watching too much news.  

[mummyoftwogirls]

So pleased you have support. It sounds like you're doing all the rights things. I started watching Friday night dinner last night; very funny ! 

[BM94]

Hi IanMac,

Sorry that you're struggling, it must be incredibly tough for those living with contamination OCD right now.

All I can say here in response to what you've said here is that you need to stop compulsions and reduce avoidance as much as possible. With hard work, grit and determination you can absolutely overcome what feels like the overwhelming fear brought on by the intrusions.

The iPad situation was a classic example of a compulsion, this needs to stop as it just fuels your OCD. 

It is good to chill and watch some comedies just to get some laughs in and maintain some positivity, but you don't want to step into the realm of avoidance. If you find you are avoiding all the news and forcing yourself to watch other things to push the thoughts out of your mind, this will also fuel your OCD. It's your brain's paradoxical effect, the more you try not to think about it, the more you will think about it.

There needs to be a level of acceptance of uncertainty with contamination OCD, and not stepping over into OCDs territory by excessively cleaning, to the point your hands are red raw, you're up in the morning standing in the shower for ages and stripping bedding. This is compulsive behaviour.

I hope this little bit of info is helpful

Chin up!

B

[IanMac]

1 hour ago, Jumbo said:

Hi @IanMac

Check your inbox mate, i've sent you some info as regards some Skype therapy.

All the best 

Jumbo

Hi Jumbo,

Thanks very much for the information.  I´ll certainly contact them

Cheers,

Ian

[IanMac]

1 hour ago, BM94 said:

Hi IanMac,

Sorry that you're struggling, it must be incredibly tough for those living with contamination OCD right now.

All I can say here in response to what you've said here is that you need to stop compulsions and reduce avoidance as much as possible. With hard work, grit and determination you can absolutely overcome what feels like the overwhelming fear brought on by the intrusions.

The iPad situation was a classic example of a compulsion, this needs to stop as it just fuels your OCD. 

It is good to chill and watch some comedies just to get some laughs in and maintain some positivity, but you don't want to step into the realm of avoidance. If you find you are avoiding all the news and forcing yourself to watch other things to push the thoughts out of your mind, this will also fuel your OCD. It's your brain's paradoxical effect, the more you try not to think about it, the more you will think about it.

There needs to be a level of acceptance of uncertainty with contamination OCD, and not stepping over into OCDs territory by excessively cleaning, to the point your hands are red raw, you're up in the morning standing in the shower for ages and stripping bedding. This is compulsive behaviour.

I hope this little bit of info is helpful

Chin up!

B

Thanks for the advice.  Really appreciate you taking the time. 

Thanks,

Ian

[PolarBear]

Hey, Ian. This is an unprecedented time for Contamination OCD sufferers. Never before has the entire world told people like yourself that some of your compulsions are warranted.

First and foremost, understand that you are not alone. Contamination OCD is the most common form of the disorder. Millions of people are struggling right now.

Try to be kind to yourself. Try to hold off doing extra washing. Involve your mind in other things. And use the forum to ask questions and even just to let off steam.

Take care.

[IanMac]

1 hour ago, PolarBear said:

Hey, Ian. This is an unprecedented time for Contamination OCD sufferers. Never before has the entire world told people like yourself that some of your compulsions are warranted.

First and foremost, understand that you are not alone. Contamination OCD is the most common form of the disorder. Millions of people are struggling right now.

Try to be kind to yourself. Try to hold off doing extra washing. Involve your mind in other things. And use the forum to ask questions and even just to let off steam.

Take care.

Thanks very much PolarBear. I´m trying really hard to stop washing so much but finding it really difficult.  Will keep trying.

Thanks,

Ian

[bookworm30]

Hi Ian

I can't offer any advice, but I want you to know you are not alone in this. I too have contamination based OCD - never treated, only recently reached out for help. It's become very hard for me to manage as well during the outbreak. My compulsive behaviours have got out of control and starting to impact on my partner as well, which is unfair, but I don't know how to stop it.  The other day I made my partner get changed after he went food shopping because I was convinced that if I did not, he would get sick and it would be my fault. 

It's a very weird time. Our compulsions have suddenly become normalised and validated.

I use Headspace which I find so helpful. Being compassionate with ourselves is also important - we are in the midst of a pandemic, after all. I try to stick to the 20 second hand washing limit, but don't always manage to. 

take care. 

[IanMac]

Hi Bookworm 30,

Thanks for sharing your experience.  It feels very similar to mine and I´m sure many other people are going through similar things.

I have generally been able to function but the current situation has caused me so much difficulty and distress.  Over the past 2 days I´ve tried to resist washing my hands quite as much but I have a constant voice in my head telling me I´ve not done enough to keep us safe.  I try to rationalise it but the OCD is like having a bully on my shoulder.

I´m looking into getting some support via SKYPE to see if it will help me cope better.  I´ll also have a look at Headspace.  

Take care,

Ian