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Contamination not linked to feared outcome?


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Does anyone else suffer with contamination ocd that isn’t linked to a particular feared outcome? I’m not afraid I’ll get I’ll or die, I’m not worried I’ll infect others or feel responsible for others. I just can’t tolerate feeling contaminated. I think my ocd stems from social anxiety and wanting to be perfect and fit in. My family all have traits of ocd so I pre-disposed to it and I guess I started doing the rituals to keep me safe. I’ve done it from an early age (mostly when I’d had to use a public toilet) but one of the first real memories I have is when I was 14 I was sick in the middle of the night. Suddenly my whole room was contaminated due to touching things when I had been sick (by tv remote for example) and I really struggled to feel like it was all clean again. I also avoid decontaminating things for fear that the dirt will spread all over me. I basically felt consumed by the dirt, couldn’t relax and couldn’t do anything about it without contaminating myself more (by cleaning). 
 

This is basically how I always feel about contamination. My home is like a protective box around me (especially my bed) and the only place I can relax. Therefore it needs to be clean. Yet my husband does the cleaning as I know I’ll never be able to stop cleaning and I’ll spend hours in the shower after. I get trapped between feeling contaminated but not able to do anything about it. I feel uncomfortable, dirty and unable to relax. But I don’t really think I have a particular feared outcome. It’s for that reason that I haven’t really been able to apply cbt techniques to it. All therapists think I’m afraid of germs (I use the word dirt instead to differentiate it) and getting sick or making someone else sick. But it’s not that. Anyone else like this? I know there is such a thing as just right ocd but mine doesn’t quite fit that or contamination ocd 

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I think I can understand that on some level. Although I definitely am phobic about germs and illness, I have a general sense of all things, both physical objects and thoughts, being tainted and contaminated, when I'm at my worst. It's almost like your comfortable personal space shrinking away to nothing.

Edited by AmandaG
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Hi jennielouises,

What you're describing is much more common than many people realise. It's called mental contamination, where things are contaminated by emotion rather than dirt and germs. You say there's no feared outcome, but there will be one even if it's not immediately obvious. From how you describe your bed and house I'd say your feared outcome was 'loss of safety'. 

You treat this type of OCD exactly the same as any other, using identical CBT techniques.  Just substitute 'loss of safety' anywhere that standard 'cleaning OCD' mentions a fear of germs. 

I suggest you seek help from a therapist who has experience in treating OCD, and check they understand the similarities and differwences between direct contamination and mental contamination. They should be able to guide you through the cognitive understanding of how you're translating uncomfortable emotions into feelings of contamination and arrange a hierarchy of exposures which chalenge your fears around your home in a manageable way.

 

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Oh my goodness thank you. I had no idea there was such a thing as mental contamination but it makes so much sense. It’s always been linked to my emotions. I found the whole of our town centre “dirty” when I was younger as I had been dumped there and had an awful Saturday job in a shop that made me feel small and useless. I do think have some issues with the other type of contamination but the thought of it spreading all over me and it being mental contamination makes so much sense. Sometimes I’ll even feel like I have to touch my finger on something to clean it when I’m sitting using my phone! I haven’t even touched anything. 
 

Snowbear, I read something you wrote on someone else’s post about contamination trails. I do that too. 
 

Hmm interesting that the fear is that I won’t be safe or able to relax ? I’ve struggled to find a therapist who has had experience of any contamination ocd that hasn’t been a fear of getting ill so I’ll have to do some research. Maybe I need to work on my social anxiety as the route of it? 

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Yes, mental contamination is exceptionally skilled at keeping track of contamination trails. Whole cities becoming contaminated after some negative emotional association is made with the place is common. For me the entire world became contaminated after an assault; every blade of grass, every drop of rain, every surface, anything ever touched by human hand. 

Usually there's a strong emotional experience somewhere in the past that triggers it. But how it started isn't key to treatment. You don't need to know what started it, only what makes things feel contaminated now. Then work on the cognitive side of therapy to change your thinking and feelings around that issue. 

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Thanks for the link Ashley. I was going to mention this book, but it is written for therapists rather than as a self-help book and I think it could be difficult to work out how to treat yourself if you're not already familiar with 'regular' CBT for OCD. For those familiar with the principles of CBT treatment of OCD it's a fabulous book! :) 

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Thank you both. I’m going to look at the book and the article. I’m familiar with cbt as I’ve used it for my other types of ocd and have had cbt therapy. Just no one really explained to me, like you have, the mental contamination ??

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Hi Jennielouises,

I know exactly how you feel, my OCD isn't about germs or catching anything but its the thought of feeling dirty or that things I might touch might be dirty that would then make me dirty. Its a horrible feeling and I have had moments where its all got too much, especially recently with fear of not being able to get hand wash or antibacterial wipes with the current virus epidemic and supermarkets limited stock. I hope you have lots of support around you to keep you strong and help with your CBT.

 

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12 minutes ago, Handy said:

It seems to me like your event at age 14 triggered your OCD.  It set off your amygdala but you can reprogram your brain neuroplasticity with cbt or DBT. 

No. 

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1 hour ago, Handy said:

It seems to me like your event at age 14 triggered your OCD.  It set off your amygdala but you can reprogram your brain neuroplasticity with cbt or DBT. 

I had ocd before what happened at 14. I had issues with public toilets as well. I don’t know what amygdala is?

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On 18/04/2020 at 02:20, Ashley said:

Good point. Anna wrote an article on subject while ago too which is a bit easier to read.

 

 

I’ve just read that article. Yes I definitely have mental contamination as I can feel dirty just walking past vomit on the street. but I do have contact contamination ocd as well. But I don’t fear I will get sick from the contact contamination, I just fear the contamination will spread everywhere and I won’t be able to get away from it. Like it will invade my world somehow. I still can’t find anything that quite explains that 

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It doesn't matter if you find 'you' described somewhere. There are 100 million sufferers, each with their own set of obsessions and compulsions. 

What does matter is that all the different types can be treated in the same way.

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5 minutes ago, jennielouises said:

I just fear the contamination will spread everywhere and I won’t be able to get away from it. Like it will invade my world somehow. I still can’t find anything that quite explains that 

The explanation is quite simple. It's not the thought itself that's the problem, but how you interpret it - the meaning you give it to you personally. 

For example, someone walks past vomit in the street and thinks 'Yuk, avoid that!' and the unspoken part of the thought is... because it makes me feel yucky and feeling yucky is well...yucky!

You walk past the vomit and think 'Yuk, avoid that!' because it makes me feel contaminated, makes me fear my world will all get contaminated and I won't be able to get away from it.' 

The difference is in the interpretation, the because.

For the first person their interpretation (their because) leads to an outcome that is a relatively unimportant - feeling yucky.

But your interpretation leads to all kinds of further catastrophic thoughts and feelings.

At the moment you're convinced your interpretation is correct and that the resulting thoughts and feelings are valid fears. However, how we interpret the world isn't fixed. There are always multiple ways of interpreting anything, including our thoughts. 

Open your mind to alternative interpretations and notice how considering each alternative leads to different feelings and different physical reactions in your body. Consider how different your life could be if you simply choose one of these alternative interpretations.

Remember, no one interpretation of a thought is the 'right' one. They are all equally valid options and you're free to choose how to interpret every thought you have any way you like. :) 

 

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