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My kitchen is contaminated


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Emmy husband goes out to get the shopping at the moment. I badly wanted everything to be cleaned before put away but I knew from here that was an ocd reaction not a rational one. So he didn’t do that. But instead I just started avoiding the new food items for 72 hours. Then it got worse and the contamination spread. Mostly as my husband isn’t decontaminating his phone and he’s touching all the food, then the kitchen cabinet handles, the drawers, the fridge etc, the crockery and other food. So now everything in the kitchen is contaminated. As is his phone and it’s closing in on me. Even before covid I worried about shopping being unclean so always took one from near the back so it was unlikely to have been touched that much. But now we’re having a delivery and/or hubby gets the shop and he doesn’t do that. 
 

I can handle being contaminated outside but I can’t have it come into my safe space. My ocd is centred around keeping my home contamination free but also having the inability to actually clean away the contamination as I feel it spreads and I’ll never stop cleaning. It will be all over me and I literally feel like I need to clean the whole kitchen. Help! 

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Speaking as someone who once felt like their whole home was contaminated, I understand how distressing this is. I also tried to clean my way out of that particular problem, and what I discovered is there was always something left that I felt wasn't clean enough. The way out of this problem unfortunately is to act like your husband or to at least attempt to. The risk of catching Covid-19 from shopping will be low and it's important to look after your mental health as well as your physical. Have you had CBT in the past, any notes you can refer to? :)

Edited by Gemma7
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Hi JennieLouise,

I can really empathise with how you're feeling at the moment as I often feel as though whole areas of our house have become contaminated and I then find it really hard to use anything from a room/area. 

Keep in mind that it's very possible that his phone and your food packets don't have Covid-19 on them. This would mean that your kitchen is not contaminated at all. This is actually more likely than not. 

Secondly if his phone and the food packets are covered in Covid then he is touching these things so often that he would probably catch it anyway so there is not too much point in you being so careful when he is not. 

So it's most likely that the kitchen is not contaminated at all (with Covid); if it is then it doesn't really make any difference and you can still get food/be in the kitchen. 

If it helps then you could request that your partner either doesn't take his phone to the supermarket or that he wipes it. That would not be OCD but a sensible precaution with Covid-19 around (obviously it makes no sense to wash your hands after going to the supermarket and then touch your phone, which you have handled there).  In our house we are wiping packaging and whoever shops leaves their phone and wallet at home (just takes a credit/debit card with them) and showers and changes when they get home as an intensive care doctor was advising it early on in the outbreak.

 

 

Edited by BelAnna
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4 hours ago, Gemma7 said:

I also tried to clean my way out of that particular problem, and what I discovered is there was always something left that I felt wasn't clean enough. The way out of this problem unfortunately is to act like your husband or to at least attempt to. Have you had CBT in the past, any notes you can refer to? :)

Yes that’s exactly how I am with cleaning. It’s never enough. I’ve had cbt but many years ago but that focused on walking through bits slowly and sitting with the anxiety. But I need to get on top of this quicker than that. 

2 hours ago, Handy said:

Also apply common sense. 

I know what you mean but it’s like my ocd has a stronger voice than my rational, common sense!  It doesn’t help that my parents and sisters are cleaning all their shopping too (I know that’s not rational but it’s no wonder I have ocd!). 
 

BelAnna hubby won’t do that. He’s like the complete opposite of someone with ocd! I’ve managed to fight to get him to wash his hands when he comes in! He does wash the bags the shopping is in etc just not the shopping.
 

I know I’m being irrational with the kitchen etc. The weird thing is I’m not scared of catching covid 19 in particular. I just feel like it’s confirmed that germs are everywhere! It’s not about getting sick. It’s about keeping things clean. So I have a hard time applying cbt when there is some truth to there being germs on things. I can’t get past the black and white thinking that it isn’t completely clean so therefore it’s dirty 

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6 minutes ago, jennielouises said:

So I have a hard time applying cbt when there is some truth to there being germs on things. I can’t get past the black and white thinking that it isn’t completely clean so therefore it’s dirty 

The thing is compulsions build the feelings that make things seem dirty to you. If you didn't do compulsions, the feelings would pass and you wouldn't feel like things were dirty. It's the attention you place on germs that makes them feel like they're everywhere. It's also important to remember that some bacteria for example are actually good for us, some absolutely essential, so germs being present isn't always a bad thing. 

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21 minutes ago, Gemma7 said:

The thing is compulsions build the feelings that make things seem dirty to you. If you didn't do compulsions, the feelings would pass and you wouldn't feel like things were dirty. It's the attention you place on germs that makes them feel like they're everywhere. It's also important to remember that some bacteria for example are actually good for us, some absolutely essential, so germs being present isn't always a bad thing. 

Thank you. That helps. I wish I could feel comfortable just accepting that 

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Ok I’ve decided to tackle it in two stages like cbt taught me. 
 

1. I’ll use everything in the kitchen that’s been here for over 72 hours and learn to live with the anxiety of where’s it’s spread 

2. I’ll touch hubbies phone and be ok with it 

3. I’ll touch the things that have been here less than 72 hours. That’s going to be the hardest thing 

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2 hours ago, jennielouises said:

Ok I’ve decided to tackle it in two stages like cbt taught me. 
 

1. I’ll use everything in the kitchen that’s been here for over 72 hours and learn to live with the anxiety of where’s it’s spread 

2. I’ll touch hubbies phone and be ok with it 

3. I’ll touch the things that have been here less than 72 hours. That’s going to be the hardest thing 

Fabulous jennielouises! :yes:

This is exactly the right thing to do. Well done for being so brave! And good luck. Let us know how you're getting on. :) 

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Excellent steps to take. It will be hard but gets easier over time and the more you do it.

This pandemic has really thrown a wrench in the works of recovery for contamination OCD sufferers.

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