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Need to be perfect


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After reading this touched upon in another post I began thinking about my situation. But didn't want to change the focus of their conversation..

My parents and my sister have a very strong need to be perfect. With my sister it involves cleaning and having an immaculate life style.with my parents it involves avoiding problems like illness. They all go to a lot of lengths to achieve this.

 I can see that these are not good ways to live especially when u compare to how other families live.

However, I do feel that if something goes wrong it must be my fault as I have not adhered to their high standards.eg. if someone gets I'll. I make mistakes because I am human. But they don't . They genuinely believe they are perfect and frequently find fault in others.

I believe this is the root cause of my harming others OCD. . My therapist told me to brush them off my shoulder when I 'hear' them in my ear.

Does anyone else have any strategies for getting over the need to be perfect please? I don't feel the need to be perfect per se but just inferior to my family who do and as a result the cause of all harm.

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Hi ecomum, 

Have you considered that wanting to never cause any harm is in fact a form of perfection seeking? 

If you could accept occassionally harming someone is the norm in life and not worry over it that would be accepting less than 'perfect'. 

6 hours ago, ecomum said:

I do feel that if something goes wrong it must be my fault as I have not adhered to their high standards.

This is an interpretation, where you've given meaning to something going wrong. (It must be my fault.) Practise accepting that things go wrong all the time and it's nothing to do with you, your imperfections, or your family's standards. 

6 hours ago, ecomum said:

They genuinely believe they are perfect and frequently find fault in others.

Trouble is you've learned this criticism way of thinking from them and now do it frequently too. Of course you try not to find fault in others, but you DO find fault in yourself. :)  

Change your thinking - refuse to be critical of anyone, including you. Apart from easing your OCD you'll life is hugely more rewarding and joyful when you switch from criticism to acceptance thinking!

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Yes you are right. Things can go wrong and it doesn't have to be anyone's fault. it's just life's ups and downs. Not everything is about fault ,some things just are. Everyone is different doesn't make them wrong.

This is great advice Snowbear. It's not easy to change when i have been brought up that way and my family are that way but I have time now to think about this and work on it. I feel I am getting closer to resolving my issues .

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply  it has really helped .

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