Responsibility/Health Anxiety

[Iolana]

Hey folks,

I've always had health anxiety, so any little ache and pain is something serious, off I go to my family to seek reassurance...feel better, repeat wash...

With this damn Covid-19, I've been through so many symptoms because I'm not scared to get ill per say but I'm scared to get other people ill. 

I've had a tickly throat the past three days, feels the urge to cough, so I cough once, but it doesn't help but because I'm so scared to cough I can hold it in for hours. I'm sleeping through the night perfectly fine and when I wake up I'm fine for an hour so....parents and brother keep telling me it's not classed as a continuous cough but I keep looking up definitions to what continuous means.

Here's the thing, I'm checking for reassurance all over the internet and family but I'm also worried I'm ignoring what could be a real symptom and I'm burying my head in the sand, trying to convince my self it's just my anxiety creating issues.  I personally wont be leaving the house any way (I've only gone out 3 times since lock-down ) but my mum and dad don't believe I'm ill  (they think it's hay fever) so will still be shopping.

So, I'm feeling guilty for not taking it serious enough, feeling guilty my family don't think I'm ill, feeling guilty and worried hundreds of people will get ill and it's all my fault for pretending I'm actually fine.

I've discussed it with my family over and over again and we all agree to self isolate for those 2-3 weeks but here I am with a small tickly cough and I'm not putting my foot down, I'm a grown woman I should be enforcing the lock-down. I feel like a mass murderer..... I know I'm responsible for my actions but how do I take on other peoples actions?  Why do I feel I have to be responsible for everything they do?

I'm so tired of all this, every day for weeks I've been worried and scared, I'm just really fed up. I want it over, I say I can't take it any more and then another day.....

I'm so sorry this isn't even prob about OCD,  I'm just weepy and down and want to stop being so scared and anxious.

I'm sorry

 

 

[PolarBear]

It's good you are fed up. It just might help you to make the changes you need to.

So here's the thing. Think about how much time and energy you have spent ruminating about your health and harming others and looking for reassurance from family, friends and the Internet. Now answer this question and be truthful with yourself: what good did it do?

After all that work, do you feel better? Are you less anxious? Do you really believe the people around you are better off?

What you were doing was performing compulsions. They never work. They just lead to more thoughts, anxiety, doubt and compulsions.

[Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze]

I'm sorry I don't have any helpful advice, but you've pretty much described how I have been with this. I am a bit better at the moment, but that may be just because I haven't been near anyone for a while.

[Iolana]

10 hours ago, PolarBear said:

It's good you are fed up. It just might help you to make the changes you need to.

So here's the thing. Think about how much time and energy you have spent ruminating about your health and harming others and looking for reassurance from family, friends and the Internet. Now answer this question and be truthful with yourself: what good did it do?

After all that work, do you feel better? Are you less anxious? Do you really believe the people around you are better off?

What you were doing was performing compulsions. They never work. They just lead to more thoughts, anxiety, doubt and compulsions.

Polarbear I know you're right, deep down, I know just wish I could let go of this feeling of being responsible for everything and anything. It gets tiring. Thanks for the reply.

[Iolana]

8 hours ago, Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze said:

I'm sorry I don't have any helpful advice, but you've pretty much described how I have been with this. I am a bit better at the moment, but that may be just because I haven't been near anyone for a while.

I'm glad you're doing a bit better and I hope it keeps going in this direction for you. 

Before this tickly cough/throat thing I had a tension headache for 3 and half weeks, so I spent all my energy worrying it was something serious, as soon as that went I had one whole day feeling pain free then that night my throat felt tickly and I felt the urge to cough. Day four and I've got this stupid tickle in the back of my throat, not sore, not itchy just there and now I'm counting every time I cough. I am checking seeking reassurance a lot; I even found a few articles that explained what continuous coughing meant but there so many contradicting symptoms it's scary to keep track off and what to believe. 

I'm scared of feeling responsible for everything and anything....I just wish I could sleep all day and every day (especially since I don't need to cough when I sleep).

I'm down and fed up because of the sick feeling (worry) in my stomach and I'm tired of being scared....

 

 

 

[Angst]

Hi Iolana. The feelings of responsibility and guilt about causing harm are part of OCD. There is a test for the virus but it’s in short supply and not readily available so we have to judge whether or not we have the virus on symptoms. I do not think the people at 111 would be concerned about your symptoms. But your attention is focused on sporadic episodes of coughing. I think it is a matter of switching attention to other things.
 

Our minds are thinking machines we have to think about something in our waking hours. But feeling scared can affect our concentration and swamp us. So how are you occupying your time. I am trying to be more physically active. So rather than close off your mind by sleep do active things. Could be anything!

[Iolana]

4 hours ago, Angst said:

Hi Iolana. The feelings of responsibility and guilt about causing harm are part of OCD. There is a test for the virus but it’s in short supply and not readily available so we have to judge whether or not we have the virus on symptoms. I do not think the people at 111 would be concerned about your symptoms. But your attention is focused on sporadic episodes of coughing. I think it is a matter of switching attention to other things.
 

Our minds are thinking machines we have to think about something in our waking hours. But feeling scared can affect our concentration and swamp us. So how are you occupying your time. I am trying to be more physically active. So rather than close off your mind by sleep do active things. Could be anything!

Thank you for you reply. I'm trying hard to focus on things I love like reading and art and craft but like you said when you're scared/anxious you're concentration goes out the window. Some how I'm trying to take it a day at a time and sometimes just and hour at a time.