Starting ERP with no guidance

[Runningaway]

I have been at my wits end (as I am sure most of us have!) with my OCD especially with Covid-19.

I have tried ERP before with a phycologist years ago and wimped out as I found it to hard.

I have done some research and I am now (good day today) facing the intrusive thoughts, so for example my head tells me ' I enjoy people being hurt, it turns me on'. Usually I would ruminate so mental/writing down trying to neutralise the thought/ trying to work out why I am thinking this etc etc. I have started to talk to the OCD and say to it, yeah I am turned on by that so what? And today at least (although it has been there like a black cloud hanging over me)  I have managed to not ruminate. Now don't get me wrong this is so hard as I want to know I am a good person and my thoughts and fantasies have a reason, and that they are only those and not reality. As I am typing this it is very triggering. 

Just to add, this is so strange and I feel abnormal because my desire to prove I am not bad/haven't done anything illegal etc etc is being taken and I am used to ruminating for most of the day and so it feels like there I am ignoring something I should be facing ie start ruminating again.

 

Now my question was, has anyone had any success with ERP and if so any tips? Am I stupid for trying this alone? Any advice welcome. TIA

Edited May 16, 2020 by Runningaway
addition

[Imhotep]

I tried ERP a couple of years ago, and yes it was hard, but the relief from it was so good. I did mine on my own, as it was most effective. You are defined by your actions, not your thoughts. 

[Runningaway]

2 minutes ago, Imhotep said:

I tried ERP a couple of years ago, and yes it was hard, but the relief from it was so good. I did mine on my own, as it was most effective. You are defined by your actions, not your thoughts. 

This is so encouraging to hear, well done

Am I doing the right thing? Did you still have the weird urge that your brain has less to do and wants to make sure you're a good person?

If you don't want to elaborate that's fine, but I'd be really interested to hear your experience.

[Imhotep]

My experience was quite hard. At the time I had (and has reappeared) self harm OCD. So I just let unpleasant thoughts go without trying to rein them in. The anxiety was very bad, I couldn't breathe at one point. Then my anxiety just faded away gradually, but I was still intact, nothing terrible had happened, and a sense of elation came across me. 

As hard as it is, you have to suppress that urge to ensure you are a good person, it's a compulsion. Good luck!

[Runningaway]

Thank you so much.

 

At the moment (today is hard and I'm losing my temper with everything)  but sometimes it feels like I'm suppressing the thought, although I'm just letting it be in my head, I guess as I'm not neutralising it it feels like I'm ignoring it, usually I'd just spend all day ruminating. It's not a thought but a collection.

 

Mine is more did I do this or what if I did that etc

I'm so sorry you're struggling at the moment. Thank you for your help. I hope you feel better soon. 

[Handy]

For me it’s not ruminating on the thought as that’s a compulsion.  It’s about directly feeling my anxiety rev up & up. Yes, this is nervous & it’s a normal function of my primitive amygdala doing its job. It’s job is also to not send anxiety if I don’t respond.  So knowing if I don’t respond it’ll clear up eventually is what I wait for. Then it’s reprogramming is to no longer create anxiety.  Trust in the process. 
 

Also comorbidity is common in OCD. So research.

[Rarity]

I totally know how you feel regarding the Corona crisis and isolation. It is totally natural that we feel worse during these times. However, I do have an advice for succeeding with ERP. For me, the inclusion of ACT methods were important in order to "empower" and apply ERP methods in a much broader perspective. I highly recommend checking out the book "You are not a Rock" by Mark Freeman. Also, check out his YouTube channel :) Whenever I have periods of my life where I really succeed in applying ERP is when I commit to living my life and following my goals. Otherwise, it is impossible for me to achieve the benefits of ERP.

[PolarBear]

Are you doing this talking back to OCD when you have an intrusive thought? If so, it's not really ERP but a way of reacting to the thoughts.

ERP is done on your own schedule, when you want it to happen. It involves conjuring up the thoughts that bother you, letting your anxiety rise, and then letting go and doing NOTHING about the thoughts.

Saying, yeah I am like that so what, is a good stepping stone, but it's still a compulsion. You are still reacting to the thoughts. Try doing that for a week or so, then try not even doing that, not giving the thoughts the time of day.

I call what you are doing a bridge compulsion. It's not nothing, but it's far better than all the useless, harmful compulsions you used to do.

Make sense?

[Runningaway]

13 hours ago, PolarBear said:

Are you doing this talking back to OCD when you have an intrusive thought? If so, it's not really ERP but a way of reacting to the thoughts.

ERP is done on your own schedule, when you want it to happen. It involves conjuring up the thoughts that bother you, letting your anxiety rise, and then letting go and doing NOTHING about the thoughts.

Saying, yeah I am like that so what, is a good stepping stone, but it's still a compulsion. You are still reacting to the thoughts. Try doing that for a week or so, then try not even doing that, not giving the thoughts the time of day.

I call what you are doing a bridge compulsion. It's not nothing, but it's far better than all the useless, harmful compulsions you used to do.

Make sense?

Thanks it does, yesterday I cheated and had to seek out my usual behaviours. One psychologist recommended I sit in front of a mirror and say I'm a murderer over and over, I haven't got to this stage yet as if it isn't there then I dont want to provoke it.

 

But yes for the most part I'm just agreeing even exadurating it. For example saying to myself 'yeah I know I'm a perverted murderer. And what?'

 

Yesterday like I say I just couldn't do that and had to read my evidence against.

 

What confuses me is when I've had cbt they want be to write evidence for and against the thought but this makes me ruminate more. So I was getting confused yesterday and couldn't apply myself to agreeing with the thought.

 

I also find having had OCD for so long having an empty brain is strange. So I have almost  started getting random thoughts firing constantly (not bad) and I'm wondering is this ok or a distraction?

[Runningaway]

15 hours ago, Rarity said:

I totally know how you feel regarding the Corona crisis and isolation. It is totally natural that we feel worse during these times. However, I do have an advice for succeeding with ERP. For me, the inclusion of ACT methods were important in order to "empower" and apply ERP methods in a much broader perspective. I highly recommend checking out the book "You are not a Rock" by Mark Freeman. Also, check out his YouTube channel Whenever I have periods of my life where I really succeed in applying ERP is when I commit to living my life and following my goals. Otherwise, it is impossible for me to achieve the benefits of ERP.

I'll take a look on you tube thanks 

[PolarBear]

I don't believe in this idea of reasons for and against. I could give you a hundred reasons why your thoughts aren't true but you'll end up focusing on one reason why it might be true. Also, doing all that work is you reacting to the thoughts. That's the one thing you don't want to do.