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Hello,

I've had OCD since my childhood. I need help now, because I'm terribly anxious about what happened yesterday.

Yesterday evening I searched for a famous hentai website. I had seen in a news article that this site was down and I wanted to find an article to know why. I'm not interested in hentai, but as I have anxiety to stumble accross illegal content, I wanted to know why it was down. As I scrolled on the page, I noticed a suspicious and disgusting google title page (with the word hentai in the website title) that involved minors. Of course I didn't click on it and didn't visit the website, but I feel terribly bad. It was on the first page of the google search results. As I didn't click on the link, I don't know if it's a cartoon video or a clickbait. I hate myself. I wished I had never done this search. I want to cry. I feel guilty. I need help. I won't see my psychiatrist until Friday and it seems an eternity. Thanks for your help.

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So you did nothing wrong but you are beating yourself up over it. Does that about some things up?

We've had this sort of thing pop up regularly. You did something incredibly minor but you are riddled with guilt and have decided to punish yourself. It's called real life or guilt OCD. One thing about it is that the sufferer believes they have done something horribly wrong, while others think it is truly minor.

Give yourself a break. It is truly minor. Leave it alone. That includes not going back to see that Google search results page.

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Unfortunately, hentai has two dark and disgusting sub genres called loli and shota, both involve characters that look very young or are very young. This is most likely what the article was about. Because they are cartoon they are not illegal, though In my opinion, they should be banned. 
 

You did nothing wrong, curiosity isn’t a crime and all you did was search for why a website was down. You have to ask yourself, if you didn’t have OCD. Would this be your reaction? Your anxiety is literally interfering with your ability to think, when these episodes hit, try to distract yourself, after about 15 to 25 minutes, your thinking kicks back in but that will take longer if you keep panicking .

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Thanks for your nice replies.

Nevertheless I am still very shocked by what I saw. I haven't eaten anything in two days. I wished I could unsee what I saw, but I can't. I feel as if every bit of joy I had was taken away from me.

I feel that I should have known that there are good reasons a site is down and I blamed myself for it.

Edited by ermie24
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