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Giving up and starting to feel suicidal ...


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Hi everyone , I'm back again , a bit earlier than I wanted as my last post was only the other day , I just wanted to say I'm Sorry for coming back so often and writing such long posts , just sometimes it's my only form of help,  I think it's getting to the point where I'm giving up now , Im starting to feel a bit suicidal. Everything has been so heavy for me this week, my mind is just keeps telling me I'm attracted to anyone , literally anyone , my own sister ,brother parents other family even old people who are stranger's to me. Im so ashamed of what I have become , today I had an uncomfortable urge of attraction to my sister who's 7 , and because we are close she's really clingy and likes to hug and kiss me ,  I don't know what to do as whenever I'm with her I just feel like I shouldn't be at all because of everything that goes through my mind, the same thing happens with the rest of my family , yesterday it was about my cousin who's 3, I felt like a pedophile , I wanted him to leave so that I just couldn't hurt him , everything is becoming so hard that I just want to isolate myself somewhere away from everyone , my OCD finds it's way to destroy me in my prayers to and as a religious person it's so hard to not think about it or to avoid giving it a reaction.

I know all the things I'm supposed to do like don't react and breathe when all these things happen , but I can't do it anymore there's way to much to handle , and the thing that scares me the most is sometimes I have a feeling almost as if I like what I'm thinking of just like denial and happiness it runs through my body and it makes me give up even more , because I just don't know what to do anymore.. 

I just feel so lost and empty. 

Thank you to anyone who's reading this , I really appreciate it alot.

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keep going and fighting, you've got this! Try to distract yourself so you are not ruminating, e.g. go on a walk, watch your favourite tv programme, read a book- anything to distract yourself from your ocd. The busier you are, the less time you have to think. 

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Pinklemonade 1237 , I try to do as much as I can to distract myself but i just end up finding something in what I'm doing that will become intrusive. eg ,watching TV , it distracts me but then hearing a certain word even just seeing a child on TV triggers my thoughts , I feel like there's no way to escape at all. 

I want to keep fighting but it always finds a way to make me feel so down. 

Thanks for you advice it's really appreciated, I'm still going to try and distract myself. 

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Yes thank you , thank you everyone , this forum chat is definitely one of the best things that have ever happened to me , the amount of support on here is Amazing , I really appreciate it all ! 

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Hi Blossom

If it's any consolation, I'm in a very similar place to you and can't quite see the point in going on. I'm struggling with my OCD too; if I defeat one thing, another thing pops up. My problem right now is looking up different kinds of Christian media - right-wing and conservative - that I know will trigger me but I can't seem to stop and am anxious constantly; I'm unable to see an end to this. It's a very scary feeling and makes me feel like my religious OCD is right on my shoulder. So you have my sympathies and my love. Like you, I feel like I want to end it and I know it's hard, but the thing that's keeping me here is knowing how much it would upset my family and not wanting to make them sad. I bet you have people who care about you too.

These are difficult times and I know how hurtful it is. But we're all here, and we all get it. ❤️ :hug:

Look after yourself,

C x

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Thank you Cub , and I'm so sorry your feeling the same way because I wouldn't want anyone to feel like this ever. I hope you also find the light at the end of the tunnel, I also suffer from religious OCD however mine is about constantly having intrusive thoughts about God himself and some other teachings , like you said it's very scary, it distracts me from my prayer , I just try not to give them a reaction , but hopefully everyone here suffering from whatever they are suffering from, will find there way out, thank you very much , I really appreciate your reply, I'm glad to know that I'm not alone , even though sometimes the only thing I can do is feel alone.  

Please keep strong too and never give up, like you said, you have family that cares , never give up even if it's for them. ♥️

Edited by Blossom750
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