Blossom750 Posted May 23, 2020 Share Posted May 23, 2020 Hi everyone , I'm back again , a bit earlier than I wanted as my last post was only the other day , I just wanted to say I'm Sorry for coming back so often and writing such long posts , just sometimes it's my only form of help, I think it's getting to the point where I'm giving up now , Im starting to feel a bit suicidal. Everything has been so heavy for me this week, my mind is just keeps telling me I'm attracted to anyone , literally anyone , my own sister ,brother parents other family even old people who are stranger's to me. Im so ashamed of what I have become , today I had an uncomfortable urge of attraction to my sister who's 7 , and because we are close she's really clingy and likes to hug and kiss me , I don't know what to do as whenever I'm with her I just feel like I shouldn't be at all because of everything that goes through my mind, the same thing happens with the rest of my family , yesterday it was about my cousin who's 3, I felt like a pedophile , I wanted him to leave so that I just couldn't hurt him , everything is becoming so hard that I just want to isolate myself somewhere away from everyone , my OCD finds it's way to destroy me in my prayers to and as a religious person it's so hard to not think about it or to avoid giving it a reaction. I know all the things I'm supposed to do like don't react and breathe when all these things happen , but I can't do it anymore there's way to much to handle , and the thing that scares me the most is sometimes I have a feeling almost as if I like what I'm thinking of just like denial and happiness it runs through my body and it makes me give up even more , because I just don't know what to do anymore.. I just feel so lost and empty. Thank you to anyone who's reading this , I really appreciate it alot. Link to comment
pinklemonade Posted May 23, 2020 Share Posted May 23, 2020 keep going and fighting, you've got this! Try to distract yourself so you are not ruminating, e.g. go on a walk, watch your favourite tv programme, read a book- anything to distract yourself from your ocd. The busier you are, the less time you have to think. Link to comment
Blossom750 Posted May 23, 2020 Author Share Posted May 23, 2020 Pinklemonade 1237 , I try to do as much as I can to distract myself but i just end up finding something in what I'm doing that will become intrusive. eg ,watching TV , it distracts me but then hearing a certain word even just seeing a child on TV triggers my thoughts , I feel like there's no way to escape at all. I want to keep fighting but it always finds a way to make me feel so down. Thanks for you advice it's really appreciated, I'm still going to try and distract myself. Link to comment
Hdigtts Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 You just need to try and get through small chunks of time at a time. You know this is OCD and you know you can get through it! Keep going Link to comment
Blossom750 Posted May 25, 2020 Author Share Posted May 25, 2020 Thank you Hdigtts, I will do my best ! Link to comment
Hdigtts Posted May 25, 2020 Share Posted May 25, 2020 You know we all believe in you! Link to comment
Blossom750 Posted May 25, 2020 Author Share Posted May 25, 2020 Yes thank you , thank you everyone , this forum chat is definitely one of the best things that have ever happened to me , the amount of support on here is Amazing , I really appreciate it all ! Link to comment
Cub Posted May 25, 2020 Share Posted May 25, 2020 Hi Blossom If it's any consolation, I'm in a very similar place to you and can't quite see the point in going on. I'm struggling with my OCD too; if I defeat one thing, another thing pops up. My problem right now is looking up different kinds of Christian media - right-wing and conservative - that I know will trigger me but I can't seem to stop and am anxious constantly; I'm unable to see an end to this. It's a very scary feeling and makes me feel like my religious OCD is right on my shoulder. So you have my sympathies and my love. Like you, I feel like I want to end it and I know it's hard, but the thing that's keeping me here is knowing how much it would upset my family and not wanting to make them sad. I bet you have people who care about you too. These are difficult times and I know how hurtful it is. But we're all here, and we all get it. Look after yourself, C x Link to comment
Blossom750 Posted May 26, 2020 Author Share Posted May 26, 2020 (edited) Thank you Cub , and I'm so sorry your feeling the same way because I wouldn't want anyone to feel like this ever. I hope you also find the light at the end of the tunnel, I also suffer from religious OCD however mine is about constantly having intrusive thoughts about God himself and some other teachings , like you said it's very scary, it distracts me from my prayer , I just try not to give them a reaction , but hopefully everyone here suffering from whatever they are suffering from, will find there way out, thank you very much , I really appreciate your reply, I'm glad to know that I'm not alone , even though sometimes the only thing I can do is feel alone. Please keep strong too and never give up, like you said, you have family that cares , never give up even if it's for them. Edited May 26, 2020 by Blossom750 Spelling mistake Link to comment
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