Recently Started Having Issues

[benedictsoup]

Hello! 

I'm new to all of this so I apologize if it's too long or too much info. 

I didn't start having problems until around Christmas (around 5-6 months now I think?) but every day has been a struggle. If it weren't for my friends and family being super supportive of me I probably would not be alive right now. I have thoughts of harming people I love (even though I have absolutely no desire to and the thoughts greatly upset me). My brain likes to convince me that I am somehow insane or that I want to be thinking those thoughts despite how horrible I feel about them. At first when I started having these thoughts I assumed that I was crazy and felt sick with guilt almost constantly. I've been struggling with them for quite some time now so I know that it's OCD and not me being insane but somehow my brain still likes to convince me every now and then. 

My biggest problem recently is two things. I have a doctors appointment coming up to get help for my OCD and I'm extremely nervous that I will be told I'm insane/incurable. This is extremely worrying to me because I want to have hope for a day where I feel happier. 

The second thing that's been bothering me is I have been noticing a lot of mentally ill people in tv shows/movies recently being represented as "monsters" and its made me look at myself in that sort of way. I know it's just tv/entertainment and that its not real but its put a real damper on things recently. 

Thank you for taking the time to listen! I'd really appreciate some advice. :-)

[pinklemonade]

Hello. Yes my brain also likes to convince me that I like my intrusive thoughts. Remember you are not insane or a monster, ocd likes to focuses its self on the things it knows we will feel most guilty about. Try and distract yourself so you have less time to think and ruminate, and so you can try to distract yourself from your intrusive thoughts. 

Edited May 26, 2020 by pinklemonade1237

[Angst]

It might be useful to prepare brief notes or bullet points to refer to when you see your GP. You could read the stuff on this site about OCD with a harm theme. Anxiety is in large part a forward thinking emotion in which we predict bad things happening. It is a pessimistic thinking style. The ‘what ifs’ are negative such as what if the GP thinks that I am insane. Your fear of being identified or self identifying as a monster is called taking the perspective of the other. When you internalise certain stereotypes in the popular media. One way to counteract assimilating negative attitudes is to use forums such as this one.
 

The aim of seeng the doctor is to get therapy. GPs  do not do therapy though they do prescribe drugs for mental illnesses. So you might want to plan what you want to say in this context. When I see my GP about mental health issues, I see the doctor who is the most empathetic and knowledgeable about mental health issues.