Deal with God?

[iamwesker]

Hello all, I hope everyone is doing the best they can under these strange times.

I used to be on this forum before under a different name but felt like I need to return.  I am currently wondering if something is OCD or a real problem. Sorry if this explanation sounds weird.

I am an avid language learner (love studying Korean and Japanese in my free time). Aside from this I had a terrible thought that something bad will happen (I know the bad thing in my mind) and if it happens it will ruin my life and ruin the life of my family. So in my head I thought if I sacrifice studying Japanese for 3 weeks then, God will stop this thing from happening. Is this an 'official' deal with God? If I study today will the bad thing come true because I broke the deal? In my head god is telling me it is only 3 weeks of no study, what is 3 weeks compared to a life time ruined if I break the contract?

 

Sorry about the ramble.

 

Mark

[PolarBear]

Well, Mark, what happens is, after the three weeks is up, your mind will decide you need to do two months. Then another four months. And on and on.

This is called magical thinking, believing doing A will stop B from happening. It's all nonsense, because A has nothing to do with B.

[malina]

Hey Mark,

I think you have to keep in mind that you created this "deal", it was you who set an arbitrary rule to try and prevent a completely unrelated event. I think you just need to realise that not learning Japanese for 3 weeks has absolutely no consequence on anything other than your Japanese language skills. 

[dksea]

On 26/05/2020 at 22:05, iamwesker said:

I am currently wondering if something is OCD or a real problem.

A good rule of thumb i picked up in my readings on OCD:  If you think it MIGHT be OCD, it probably is.

 

On 26/05/2020 at 22:05, iamwesker said:

I am an avid language learner (love studying Korean and Japanese in my free time). Aside from this I had a terrible thought that something bad will happen (I know the bad thing in my mind) and if it happens it will ruin my life and ruin the life of my family. So in my head I thought if I sacrifice studying Japanese for 3 weeks then, God will stop this thing from happening. Is this an 'official' deal with God?

Unfortunately bad things can happen (heck just look at the news and you'll see that), and there are choices we can make in life, actions we can take (or not take) that contribute to that.  Driving while drunk, smoking, not paying your rent on time, etc.  However, its important to remember that there are many things we do that are completely unconnected to bad things happening.  Having a bad thought for example CAN NOT cause someone to get sick or be in an accident, etc.  And whether you study Japanese or don't study Japanese (unless the "bad thing" happening is you won't be able to communicate in Japanese) won't matter either, thats just the lies of OCD.

As to making a "deal with God", a deal involves an agreement by two parties.  You can come up with the deal in your head, but I doubt you can prove God agreed to the deal.  The deal you made is about as valid as if I were to say "I'll make a deal God, if I study Korean for 3 weeks, you'll make me win a billion dollars!"  You can say/think anything, that doesn't mean its true, it doesn't mean a "deal" has been made.  

Very possibly the doubt/fear/worry caused by OCD will make you feel like you HAVE to finish this "deal", but that doesn't mean you do.  As the others above said, these things aren't connected, and challenging that idea will help you escape from OCD's grasp.  It will not be pleasant, you will probably feel anxiety, but the worse option is to give in and agree with OCD.  It may give you temporary relief, but it only strengthens the hold OCD has on you, and it will make the next time that much harder to handle.  As PB wisely says, 3 weeks, then 2 months, etc. etc.

Trust me, we understand why you try and make these deals, you desperately want to be free of the distress caused by OCD.  It SEEMS like a good idea at the time, because you are mentally/emotionally desperate, but in the long run it a bad deal.  Its kind of like taking money from the mob.  Sure it might help with your immediate problem, but you've got an even bigger one to deal with instead. As painful as it can be, not taking the "easy" way out in the beginning is actually the REAL easy path.

[iamwesker]

Hello guys and girls!

Thank you so much for the replies. It has made me feel so much better. Every reply on here just helps so much as I'm sure you're all aware. Will study tonight! Wish me luck!

[iamwesker]

Guys it's back. I can't study Korean until October now or all my fears will come true. God wants me to do it. I look at my family and think...i must make this sacrifice to stop them feeling pain.  

[PolarBear]

Your choice. All you've managed to accomplish is to prolong your agony.

[dksea]

On 16/07/2020 at 00:10, iamwesker said:

I can't study Korean until October now or all my fears will come true.

You may feel this is the case, and certainly it would be scary to feel that way, but that doesn't mean it's true.  You have no evidence to show that this is true (because there is none). It is difficult to feel this way and do the opposite, but that is the only way out.  If you give in to these kind of demands they will only grow stronger.  October will become December, will become 2022 will become 2030 will become forever.
 

On 16/07/2020 at 00:10, iamwesker said:

God wants me to do it. I look at my family and think...i must make this sacrifice to stop them feeling pain.

How will not studying a foreign language prevent your fears from coming true?  How has God shown you He wants you to do it?  Do you have a letter? An e-mail?  I doubt it.  What you have is a feeling, and its probably a powerful feeling, or you wouldn't be so scared.  But that doesn't mean its true.  People have powerful, but inaccurate, feelings all the time.  Again, there is no reason to believe that you studying Korean will result in your family feeling pain (unless you force them to listen to you practice speaking all the time maybe ).  Allowing the fear to drive your decisions will only lead to more fear driven decisions in the future.  You know what WILL cause you're family to feel pain?  You continuing to suffer from this disorder.  The best thing you can do for them and their happiness is to work to get back control of your life from OCD.