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Will it ever give up


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Hi everyone hope you’re all good, The lockdown hasn’t helped anyone with anxiety etc, my 81 year old mum has had to go into hospital, it’s so hard because you can’t visit. She is confused and totally out of character for herself, blood sugars have been sorted out, UTI is probably the cause of confusion but not sure yet. My OCD is really intense and horrible at the moment, my mum has always been my rock, it’s so hard not to be able to just call her, but it cannot be helped. I have managed to get out and drive my car that I felt was contaminated, I went to my parents house, I managed to get there without going around the block  numerous times scanning pavements etc. We have a fan that is stored under our bed, it’s an ottoman bed, and I am terrified of it, because my husband empty’s the dogs poo bags into a bigger bag, then came in and did his hands, then proceeded to fold a throw and put it under the bed, so now the fan and everything is contaminated to me. He keeps saying that he’s going to get the fan out when I go to the bathroom, but I am so scared because that will to me, contaminate everything else in the bedroom, and when I’ve showered I won’t want to sit on bed and use hairdryer, etc and so it goes on. I am so very frustrated and anxious, it never seems to be enough for my husband when I tackle a few things, I am really trying as well. God it’s so very hard, but I’ve suffered for so many years, I take Sertraline, but my confidence is non existent. I am on a waiting list for therapy, but really miss my mum, I feel so childish because I am 59 years old. Sorry for this long post just needed to vent, thanks take care all. X

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Hi there don’t be sorry you written this post you needed to talk to people. This illness is horrible and it take a lot out of you. I don’t suffer with contamination OCD but can imagine it must be very hard for you at the moment. What you have to do is take it one day at a time. Try not to do you compulsion if you can., which is harder sad than done. These make your obsessional though mean something when they actually don’t. They are just thought. 
I am 58 and my hubby is understanding to a point but get frustrated at times. Just know there are others like us out here and you are not alone. Take carexx

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Hello ladies, as a fellow sufferer I can really sympathise with what you are going through. My OCD has been much worse during lockdown, I think because there is no distraction and no meeting with friends.My hubby too finds it very hard to understand my anxiety but is patient with me when I’m struggling. I too have contamination OCD and am really finding it hard not worry continually. I know what I should be doing but find it so hard to put into practice! Sometimes small achievements have to be enough for one day. Take care and take one day at a time.

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@Madchoc  I'm sorry to hear about your mothers health problems, and that you can't see her due to the restrictions right now.  That alone would be reason enough to be stressed out right now.  Add the COVID restrictions in general and your OCD, well its no surprise you are having a hard time.  Right now life is rough, you deserve to feel bad, nothing wrong with that at all.  If there are things you can do to ease some of that stress, treat yourself to something nice, put off a chore that can be delayed without too much trouble, etc. you deserve it!
 

On 01/06/2020 at 03:56, Madchoc said:

He keeps saying that he’s going to get the fan out when I go to the bathroom, but I am so scared because that will to me, contaminate everything else in the bedroom, and when I’ve showered I won’t want to sit on bed and use hairdryer, etc and so it goes on. I am so very frustrated and anxious

Its understandable that you feel frustrated and anxious, as I mentioned above.  But remember, the way to get past OCD is to go THROUGH it.  Taking on these intrusive and irrational thoughts rather than going along with them.  Yes it does hurt at first, its hard, but it is absolutely worth it.  Its good you recognize that the "contamination" you fear is in your head, the next step is to begin challenging it.  It doesn't have to be all at once either, you can take it a step at a time.  I recommend making a plan, either with a therapist if you can or using a self guided CBT book.  You can do gradual exposures/ERP to confront these contamination fears.  Yes it will be unpleasant, but consider how unpleasant your life is right now even by following OCD's rules.  Thats one of the tricks it plays, it lulls you in to accepting one kind of suffering by making you fear another.  When you are struggling to take on those fears, remind yourself that you are already suffering now, better to take a path that leads to less suffering in the future, even if it means short term suffering now, than playing OCD's game which will make things worse down the line.

Now, given the current circumstances, its understandable you aren't feeling up to taking on big changes all at once, thats fair.  You need to balance the change with your current state of being, but I bet there are at least some small exercises and small changes you can be making, reducing a compulsion here, pushing your comfort boundaries there.  Especially if you do it in a planned and ordered way, because then you KNOW what's going on and you can have more control over it.
 

On 01/06/2020 at 03:56, Madchoc said:

God it’s so very hard, but I’ve suffered for so many years, I take Sertraline, but my confidence is non existent. I am on a waiting list for therapy, but really miss my mum, I feel so childish because I am 59 years old. Sorry for this long post just needed to vent

I don't think its ever childish to want your mom :)   I'm almost 40 and I would love to be able to give my mom (and dad) a big hug right now! (traveling internationally isn't exactly a practical option at the moment unfortunately).  Meanwhile, its never too late to make a change and never to late to recover from OCD.  It sucks that you have suffered for as long as you have of course, but all the more reason to try your best to bring that suffering to an end sooner rather than later.  You deserve to feel better!

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Madchoc, I hear you. I've been really needing my Mum a lot lately and have spent a couple of days sobbing down next to her grave. I wish I could talk to her about this stuff and have her tell me it's all going to be okay. 

I think for many of us, lockdown has been a disaster, because of course, there is no distraction and it's just so hard. I know what you all mean; we can't go out and stretch our legs properly and do things that help us feel better. We're all kind of stuck inside with fixations and it's frightening, I know. 

You're going to be alright. Just keep going. We love you. :hug:

C x

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