struggling

[pinklemonade]

A while ago I had this really really intense intrusive thought, which was really distressing and scary. My ocd told me if I wanted the intrusive thought to stop for a couple of seconds and if i didn't want the intrusive thought to come true, I needed to do a compulsion of saying a rude thing about a loved one (which isn't true and I don't think)to myself in private. I gave into the compulsion because the intrusive thought was unbearable and said the thing, as my ocd wouldn't leave me alone until I did. I feel awful because of this compulsion as I would never want to say rude things and it makes me feel really really upset and guilty. Should I feel guilty from this compulsion? ,(I know reassurance seeking is bad).Thankyou for reading. 

[pinklemonade]

Please anyone?

[Hdigtts]

You know the answer to this one

[pinklemonade]

1 hour ago, Hdigtts said:

You know the answer to this one

I'm really not sure 

[Hdigtts]

You know that regardless of what anyone sense you need to be the one to believe it

[PolarBear]

What you want is for us to let you off the hook. You need to do that, not us.

One of the steps in my recovery was completely forgiving myself, including some very bad compulsions done over decades.