Strange compulsion is going to destroy my hearing, please help

[RedVelvet]

Hi
I've had OCD for about 23 years, intrusive thoughts some periods of time, but mostly it's random compulsions. 
I do arrange stuff a lot (curtains, papers). I have to touch certain textured things, and buttons are a nightmare (I break the scroll on my pc mouse every 2-3 months because of squishing it so hard all the time). I have read some OCD books, like "Break free from OCD" for example, but I just cannot relate. They all seem to focus on an anxiety about something going very wrong if I do not do the compulsion. Whilst I have this with occasional checking, and the intrusive thoughts, my main issue are random compulsions that seem to have no point other than causing harm or pain to me or items. Nothing violent, it's just little things like the button squishing. Because I cannot identify a "reason" behind these compulsions, I am unable to stop them. The more I try to stop, the more I end up doing it. 

Now, recently I have had a lot of problems with my ears. It turns out I have a rare issue with them that was caused by anorexia in my past. I had no idea that could even happen, but here we are. Basically I can open and close my Eustachian tube at will by tensing something in my head/jaw, and then sniffing to close it (you should not be able to do that). I have done this for the last 17 years, every couple of minutes, and now I'm sat here with painful retracted ear drums and temporary fluid/deafness every morning. It became bad 7 weeks ago, so I had an appointment with an ENT consultant and got a diagnosis and some advice to try.
The opening/closing has become a compulsion, and I do it a lot more when stressed. I did not know it could cause any harm until last week, and it is very important that I stop as it can cause permanent hearing loss. It also hurts a lot to do it now, which it did not do until quite recently. There is absolutely no reason for me to do it, and I can't work out why I do it. When I try to avoid doing compulsions, I just feel such an intense discomfort in my whole body, it takes everything out of me to fight it. With this ear thing, it's completely random when it happens (they open on their own too if I yawn or swallow, and then I have to close them myself by sniffing). I can't do a timer on it for example, I really need to just stop doing it. I'm so lost.

Does anyone know of a method, or a book, that can help me with this?  All the books seem to talk about the anxiety and emotions behind it, but I don't feel there are any. The only anxiety I have is that I feel unbearably uncomfortably when I try to avoid doing things. That has always been the case with my compulsions, there's never been any link to thoughts. 

 

[PolarBear]

You know, the ear thing, and even the mouse ball thing, sound more like skin picking disorder than OCD. I mean, you're not picking your skin or compulsively pulling your hair, but you are doing repetitive things.  Skin picking and hair pulling are cousins of OCD. They are anxiety disorders. You know the anxiety you feel when you try to stop what you are doing.

Now, these types of disorders respond best to something called HRT, or Habit Reversal Therapy. I don't know much about it, but you can Google it and perhaps find a therapist who specializes in it.

Hope that helps.

[Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze]

I could be way off the mark here, but I'm wondering if it could be part of an autistic spectrum disorder? (I am currently waiting assessment myself, and have been doing a lot of research recently.)

[RedVelvet]

Hi, thank you for reply! I do have quite a few autistic traits I know, but I don't think it is quite "enough" if that makes sense. 

[RedVelvet]

Thank you PolarBear, these are not things I have considered that could be related before - I just thought I had a weird type of OCD. I will look into it, thanks a lot!

[gingerbreadgirl]

Hi redvelvet 

I can identify a little with this. I have some compulsive habits which I struggle not to do and if I don't do them it's like the sensation becomes unbearable. I am not afraid of some outcome - except I suppose that the sensation of not doing the habit will be intolerable. I think it is not a million miles away from tourettes - and I think all these things are related anyway. The squishing the mouse Button thing I can totally understand. 

I don't have an answer as such. I think when the urge strikes to do this thing with your ear - just try and sit and observe the sensation for a few minutes. Your brain will urge you to act on that sensation but it doesn't mean you have to, although I know it reeeeally feels like you do. Just allow the sensation to be there. Maybe write it down when it strikes, keep a diary over time. Observe it with curiosity and go and do something else - it may feel like you have to force yourself kicking and screaming. But it's about breaking that association between the sensation and acting on it. You have reinforced the belief "if I have this feeling then it means I have to act on it". But you can gently dismantle that belief if you repeatedly act in another way. Not easy by any means.

Polar bear touches on habit reversal and I think that is part of what I'm trying to say. When the sensation strikes, learn to respond in a different way over time. Have a go-to response. Eg when you get the urge to do that thing with your ears, maybe see that as a cue to do something completely different (make a cup of tea, sing the national anthem, whatever ) - and do that thing instead every time the urge strikes. It will be HARD. But the theory is eventually you reverse that habitual reaction.

Also - be kind to yourself. Don't berate yourself for this. You didn't ask for this. It is so so so haaaard to overcome this sort of thing. 

Good luck.

Gbg x 

 

[AmandaG]

I was glad someone else brought this up, because I wondered if there is more to this than OCD alone too. Although it can be difficult to identify the anxiety or thoughts that drive OCD compulsions, or in some cases to identify actual compulsions and only recognise the OCD repetitive thoughts, repetitive movements and sensory stimulation seeking can be part of other diagnoses. It might be worth looking into what techniques are available to manage overall sensory seeking needs.

The ear tensing thing is interesting. it sounds similar to voluntary tensing of the tensor tympani muscle, which is something that some people with an aversion to or serious distress around certain sounds (AKA misophonia) have found they are able to do to discretely muffle trigger sounds for short periods of time. I can do it, but as someone who has a long history of ear problems, I dislike the sensation.

[RedVelvet]

Thanks Amanda, I do think it is that muscle I can tense. I can do the ear rumbling too, it comes first and then my Eustachian tubes open. It all happens in less than a second. I don't do it to muffle sounds, it really is just this random compulsion. I will look into sensory seeking needs, thank you.

Ginger, thanks for the ideas. I will try to find something else to do instead. It happens every few minutes so making tea or singing would be exhausting, haha. I have a lot of tics too (coughing etc), and yes it feels the same. Looking into stuff it seems it is a subtype of OCD rather than typical OCD. As for typical OCD only my occasional intrusive thoughts fit that, though I have mostly overcome them