Trapped in OCD's lies

[Imhotep]

Hi all, 

I've been struggling greatly recently. It all started on Friday, when I had a thought related to harming my girlfriend, who I'm in lockdown with. The thought went along the lines of "I must kill her or bad things will happen" My first reaction to this thought was to actually laugh at it: how utterly ridiculous. I adore my girlfriend, and want to be with her for as long as possible. Then it dawned on me about it becoming stuck. And hey presto, it's now stuck. I absolutely loathe this thought, it seems to be testing my sanity. I've been on edge since Friday, and I just can't let go. "What if it's true?" just keeps running through my head. I'm terrified it will take over my actions, by somehow duping me into acting on a baseless reason through lying. 

I know it all is standard OCD bullpoo, but my usual techniques don't seem to be having much effect currently. 

[Symps07]

Hi Imhotep,

Have you tried any exposure therapy at all?

Symps

[UpsAndDowns]

12 hours ago, Imhotep said:

"What if it's true?" just keeps running through my head.

That would make for a good short definition of OCD!

I'm sorry you're suffering right now!

Like Symps said, have you had any therapy?

Remember that just because a thought feels important doesn't mean it is.

[Imhotep]

Shortly after I wrote this post, I spoke to my therapist, and basically told me the threat had no validity, as it wasn't specific enough. As such it wasn't something worth chasing or to get entangled with. He also mentioned how losing control of your actions is extremely rare, unless you had high levels alcohol or drugs in your system, something that would significantly alter one's cognitive abilities. So that was a huge relief, so now I'm practising acceptance and feeling much better for it.

A good slogan that is worth remembering for all sufferers: "What you resist, persists" meaning the doubts we hold on to will continue until you learn to let go of them.